Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live
Okay got back not long ago. Thursday, I stayed wide awake for all the lessons and lectures. The GP compre test was well not very easy, A level paper man zzz.. PE we played netball lol. Okay lah, not too bad a game. A bit like captain's ball I guess? Physics consol, mcq paper, no comments.. Went to play floorball after that. Okay spent most of the time talking to Wei Chen. After that still managed to play thankfully. Had a lot of fun catching up with my seniors (: Managed to stay awake for all the important lectures and lessons for friday too. BUT, econs felt sleepy. I think it's my food from my break lah sian. Maybe I should cut down to avoid all the drowziness from my food digesting lol. Stayed back after school to chiong my tuition homework, then went for dinner with Emily Goh and Jaron. Okay, quote Emily, weird combi but yeah haha. Curry Wok and then Sogurt! My second time there lol. Then for some reason ended up with some sort of heart to heart talk lol. Okay dunno how it ended up with that topic, but yeah thanks guys for hearing me out. First two to know anything about it from me. It's nice to catch up with people and just sit down causally and just talk random stuff. Jaron and I also talked about some stuff while walking to our bus stops. Really fufilling evening in my opinion (:
Today, quite a bit of a mad rush again (how many times has that happened I wonder) Went for physics tuition, which was a bit of a rush through of superposition revision. Brain too slow.. Rushed to Springsfield sec in Tampines for the match. Played with our seniors and some of our own people against some springsfield sec players and one line of Argonauts. The Argonauts are damn good man o.o I think we played like 6 periods of 22 mins each in total lol. Last few periods we changed to the small goalpost though. Tried keeper for one period since Joshua had to go. Okay lah, not too bad. Let in 3 goals only haha. Managed to score about 4 goals or so too (: Final score was err 25-21 I think lol. Took damn long to get the feel lah, couldn't play properly for a while. And crap I just saw the crack in my hole blade that Jun Xiang was telling me about. Sian ): Rushed back to Bishan for Chem tuition. Grabbed some food from Macs, which was my lunch since I didn't manage to eat. That was like 6:20pm lol.. Record, 2.5 hours of chem lol. Dinner at subway with Jon.
Some things just mean more to people than others. What might be nothing to one might mean the world to another? I guess I'm a little weird in the sense that there are many things to mean more than just it's face value to me. Yeah some people would probably think I'm just damn retarded and being some idiot who gets all sentimental and stuff over silly things. Get that all the time, especially from someone. It can just be simple stuff. A message, a small but special gift, a card, an action, even just talking and asking about how stuff is. Hey, whether they know it or not, these little things from these people mean the world to me. To you, must keep you put down everything I say? Talking to you is kinda difficult sometimes cause all I get is either a cold response or a crude remark, sometimes even condescending ones. And it doesn't help at all, especially under situations where I'm already demoralised. Thanks ah. And I realised JZ and I have similar sad stories for our current situation. Can share your sentiments ): My occlumency doesn't really work sometimes. Seeing stuff, it just well makes you sad. And everything meant so much to me ): I'm still trying to make sense of it all, some pieces of information seem to be missing, cause well the pieces I have don't really fit the puzzle. Sian ): Jon and I had some pretty interesting talk over dinner. Just well sharing of stuff here and there. Meaningful talks. Hope Eugene's doing okay in Tekong lol. I think it'll be cool to learn the electric guitar and the drums. It's quite cool to like try to follow the beats and stuff. Helps lighten my mood a bit
Took a detour while walking home today. Nice to walk in the serene night and well to clear my thoughts again. Heard this song again, dunno if it's cause I'm overthinking stuff, but saw this song with a different meaning just now, the lyrics just struck me differently, given the current situation and stuff, okay maybe some parts. The first song that got me started with this awesome band. And in case you were wondering, it is NOT in anyway satanic whatsoever.. And I'm not like addicted to hardcore metal stuff either lol. The Rev's the best and the solo still awes me man
Afterlife -- Avenged Sevenfold
Like walking into a dream So unlike what you've seen So unsure but it seems 'Cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place Just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay You'll be back here soon anyway I see a distant light But girl, this can't be right Such a surreal place to see So how did this come to be, arrived too early? And when I think of all the places I just don't belong I've come to grips with life And realize this is going too far I don't belong here, we gotta move on, dear Escape from this afterlife Cause this time I'm right to move on and on Far away from here A place of hope and no pain Perfect skies with no rain Can leave this place but refrain 'Cause we've been waiting for you Fallen into this place Just giving you a small taste Of your afterlife here so stay You'll be back here soon anyway This peace on earth's not right(With my back against the wall) No pain or sign of time(I'm much too young to fall) So out of place don't wanna stay I feel wrong and that's my sign I've made up my mind Give me your hand But realize I just wanna say goodbye Please understand I have to leave And carry on my own life I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear Escape from this afterlife Cause this time I'm right to move on and on Far away from here Got nothing against you And surely I'll miss you This place full of peace and light And I'd hope you might Take me back inside when the time is right Loved ones back home all crying 'Cause they're already missing me I pray by the grace of God That there's somebody listening Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be (I am unbroken, I'm choking on this ecstasy) Oh Lord, I'll try so hard but You gotta let go of me (Unbreak me, unchain me, I need another chance to live) I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear Escape from this afterlife Cause this time I'm right to move on and on Far away from here Got nothing against you And surely I'll miss you This place full of peace and light And I'd hope you might Take me back inside when the time is right
Nothing much over the past few days, except Monday started Econs tuition with Eugene Leong. Must say the class is not bad, at the very least my interest in Econs is piqued a bit more, I shall start everything again! I thought my teacher looked a bit like Mr Damian Chee lol. Tuesday afternoon had Chem conso test. Quite screwed up -.- Was surviving on 2 hours of sleep today, cause I spen a hell of a time trying to plan and do a GP essay which I didn't know how to answer. It was already the best choice of question and it was due today so yeah. Ended up sleeping at 4am what the crap.. Burned out today. Afternoon had the track finals thingy. This year is such a large scale event. Screwed up my relay run zzz.. Chionged at the start then caught up with the leaders but they weren't sprinting yet, so when they did I had no energy left to sustain -.- Damn. Had the stupid pressure problem again in my ears, at least now okay le.
Okay but I guess the main thing about today was contact. Had contact in the hall as a batch whereby our CT results were reviewed. And yeah, the teachers said quite a lot of stuff which made a lot of sense and truely made me reflect. In short, I felt really horrible. Yeah it's true, whatever we're working for now is just a stepping stone to what's coming in the future. I told my parents I wanted to consider teaching, my mum said no, saying that she thought I could do like law or something. A bit of a tall order, but that told me that they thought it might be possible for me to try many things. Coming to NJ with my O level results of 6 points with 7A1s, 1A2 and 1B3. Am I living up to the expectations of what my parents, my relatives think I could do? Am I even living up to my own expectations? I guess I realise one fundamental problem lies with myself. My mind. Upon reflection I realise the big difference between now and 2 years ago is that back then I had aims, I was motivated and we kept striving hard to improve. That was what I told myself, to improve every prelim, which I did generally. In addition, I materialised those aims into actions, I admit back then I was much more hardworking than now I guess. Now I seem to be floating around, so called taking whatever comes my way. I had some aims, but I didn't really have the drive to manifest those aims in my actions. Are they, as what my teachers had said about some forms of studying, being done at face value, or even superficial? We're working for our future, we're working for ourselves because these are our own grades. Right now, I've got to do things properly and really focus. I guess things that have happened over these 2 years made me live with the "Don't expect too much to avoid disappointment" kind of philosophy. Just this year alone I kept facing so many of these failures. But now, I gotta cast that aside. As much as I don't really have faith in my own abilities, I gotta pick myself up from here and keep my aims in mind. I'll work much harder from now on, because I want to fight for my dreams
Side note, I should learn occlumency lol. Harry Potter fans out there would know what this is. Cause I seem to have weird flashbacks sometimes. And some sad thoughts always like to pop in here and there. Should learn to block them out when I need to. No I'm not going insane yet -.- I'm not sure how many people can relate to this. But yeah, some songs I have seem to have attached themselves to memories which had had some form of impact. Sometimes when I hear them I seem to have great rush of feeling and start reliving the memory. Unfortunately sometimes they aren't always happy ones throughout :/ Some examples of what I'm mentioning here would be like The Time of My Life by David Cook reminds me of D'08, basically because it was a song played in the graduation video. It Might Be You by Stephen Bishop reminds me of some stuff last year. Saw my YLTC group instructor Hadi's facebook status, which made a lot of sense to me. "Sometimes we never really know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory". There are definitely memories that are dear to me. I know most of them can never be brought back. I'll just hold them in my heart and cherish them, because no matter what the situations are now, I still enjoyed those little moments (: You'll be in my heart - Phil Collins. Lol
A combination of what people like Panyu, You'en and Nigel had told me before. Now what's important is to stay as happy as possible and work as hard as possible. 4 months plus, that's all. Gotta endure. Of course, in the midst of all this, we musn't forget to cherish and care for those around us. Yeah to those all who mean something to me (: Don't really like people who only care about studying and don't even bother about basic interaction with people. WTH man -.-
This has been a long post. I guess the contact session really screwed my mind up damn badly. Almost kinda broke down in the hall :/ I've had it with being mentally and emotionally strained cause of everything that goes wrong. I'm gonna take everything with a pinch of salt and stand back up to continue the fight. Must.be.stronger. It was a crude wake up call, but now it's reminded me of what's of priority now. Anyway, Eugene Sim's enlisting tomorrow. All the best in NS dude. See you when you book out haha. Okay tonight better get enough sleep
"Vision without action is only a dream. Action without vision is wasting time. Vision and action can change the world" -Confucius
Had quite a good evening. Had dinner with Eugene, Boon Siang, Jon, Greg, Shi Jie and Wai Yinn at Sakura, the YCK outlet. Too bad Leonb couldn't go in the end. We jacked Eugene quite a lot of times with his food and drink. Most epic one was the wasabi in the ice cream LOL. I got jacked by my own drink -.- Some random taupoks and stuff after dinner, then a short L4d session. Oh well, a few more days to his enlistment. Great evening. Visited my house. It still looks the same. Guess I'll really be taking A's while staying at Leedon :/ Have a freaking headache now, again.. This weekend sucks, didn't do much cause my head decided to act up. This coming week is freaking busy. So much work. Oh, econs tuition starting tomorrow too. Oh wow. I'm gonna die tomorrow. FML
"Are you done crying?"
"I honestly don't know"
"Well then get your act together, you have work to do. Stand up, they'll love to see you in this state, cause to them it's one opponent down. Go to bed"
"Alright" As he clambered into bed, the candle at the window ledge flickered. And then, the flame was gone
Ah crap day yesterday, woke up with a very horrible feeling. Had a headache during Physics tuition in the morning. Had lunch with Jacob and Atiqah at AMK subway. By 2 plus in the afternoon I was already half dead while in the library trying to do work. Think I had a slight fever on top of the bloody heahache ._. Idiot lah. Managed to get some panadol but it only lasted for a short while. By dinner time it was back zzz.. Took the long walk from Amk to Bishan, to clear my thoughts and mind for a bit. Bumped into Wen Qi at the bus stop near salvation army there lol. We walked a bit more then ended up taking a bus for the remaining bit. Then after tuition some people come kp a bit for some funny reason, dunno why also. Finally managed to get the stationary that I needed. My house is running out of correction tape lah -.- And luckily no one was paying attention to me while on the train to marina square to meet my parents for dinner, or while I was taking my walk. Would have been embarrasing if they did.. I swear I'm bringing some panadol with me in my wallet now. Can't have another afternoon like today's again. Just would like to thank Jon and my good friend for helping to lighten my mood a bit. Don't think they know it but yeah. Thanks (: The afternoon was really cold yesterday. Yet I was sweating. Crap. Might just be me
Went for lunch at my grandparents' place again. Feeling a bit nauseous still wtc.. Don't think my sleep managed to cure everything yet. Had some pretty weird dreams that nearly became nightmares. Wah sian. Second buffet dinner in two days later. For Eugene who's going to Tekong this Thursday. I pray Leon's parents will finally let him go man. Results can really trigger so many things.. There's a lot of work but I don't really know where exactly to start.
Side note, I miss writing narratives. Writing them for Sec 4 made me like to learn English a lot, cause I would always try to find out cool phrases and storylines and express them the best I could. It's so much more enjoyable then the stupid GP essays we have to write now -.- I seem to have random scenarios and descriptions popping into my head here and there. Think I'll pen them down for the fun of it lol. I think I've watched too many shows and movies already lol. They're good ways to express your feelings and thoughts too.
"Welcome to the central bank of information, where all you want to know can be found. May I enquire what knowledge you seek, sir?"
"The truth, that's all"
I think I posted this on my blog before last time. Nevertheless, something soothing by a great singer. Meaningful and full of feeling
My Heart Will Go On -- Celine Dion
Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance And spaces between us You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time And last for a lifetime And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you One true time I hold to In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart And my heart will go on and on
You're here, there's nothing I fear And I know that my heart will go on We'll stay forever this way You are safe in my heart And my heart will go on and on
Came home quite early today. Felt quite cui from Econs tutorial onwards. Then after school felt quite zoned already. Lectures was okay. 1.5 hour Chem tutorial on the energetics revision notes. Mrs Chiew rocks man! Yeah the few of us love her teaching haha. And I'm glad lhs could find back what was misplaced (: Quite a busy weekend ahead. Eugene's send off dinner on Sunday. Someone's going to enlist next Thursday haha. Ah I can't go for Wen Qi's birthday celebration tomorrow! Have family dinner after tuition. And I think I'm really out of luck, sian. From an idea from who knows when that was changed so many times that in the end I don't know whether I can still pull it off. Plan failed again zzz..
Mr Tan was talking to Jaron, Jian Zhong and myself after school over lunch. We ended up talking about our life in NJ. In short, yeah I'm going to miss my life here terribly. JZ and I agreed that we did have quite a bit of fun here in NJ, with experiences that probably won't be the same anywhere else. Haiz ): 5 weeks to prelims. Sian. I feel very very tired. Maybe I'll turn in early tonight and hopefully can sleep properly dammit. I need my brain to be functional. The juniors are training at RP tomorrow. Hope coach doesn't pang seh them again lol. Darrell Leong jia you for ATC! All the best to the rest for .38 revolver shoot tomorrow! Go defending champs! Haha. Sian wasted this year can't shoot again. Last year was fun!
"You keep telling yourself what you know. But what do you believe? What do you feel?"
"Guilt" "For bringing all this to what it is, a reaction to some of the situations that we've been through. If I could bring it around then I would, because I still do"
"Would you still take the leap of faith? And let fate guide you?"
Okay went for the NS medical check-up today. Damn good weather to sleep in this morning. Then I took 186 to Redhill there, but I didn't know it wouldn't stop at the MRT exactly but at delta instead, so I missed my stop and was late in the end -.- Met You'en, Nigel, Jian Zhong, Josh Ng and Yibin there. So yeah had the medical test at CMPB. The aptitude test and stuff took damn long. My brain felt fried after doing so many of the questions ._. So yeah, my med test resulted in PES A! Nice! Saw quite a few Cat High people at CMPB also haha, like Shi Jie and Jospeh Ang, Cheng Howe and Kenneth Loy. Like some mini gathering of people like that. It's cool to see that we recognise each other even though some of us don't usually talk much
Went to watch Inception with everyone plus Wei Jian at Cathay. Yibin didn't go though. In short, IT'S AN AWESOME MOVIE!! It's a really mind boggling movie. Dreams in dreams and stuff. 4 layers. The plot is seriously ingenious! My mind seriously got screwed by the movie hahaha. We had to settle for front row seats, but it was worth it! Saw Wen Ge and Li Zhong at the same theatre
Awesome quote from the movie:
You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You can't be sure where it will take you. But it doesn't matter, because we'll be together Trailer of Inception. I think I got a headache from today's activities. Got screwed by some tests in the morning then a movie plot screwed my mind further hahahaha
Started believing that I could be wrong, but you give me one good reason, to fight and never walk away. So here I am still holding on
First lesson today was our 1.5 hour lesson of GP tutorial. Miss Kaur's back. And first thing in the day the whole class got blasted for our attitude and stuff, cause we didn't do corrections and taking initiative to do stuff here and there. She had a point there. Got reminded of our goals setting slip when she returned it to us. My target for CTs was a C. I guess all this time I've been kind of lost having no clear goal what I really want for my results. I think it makes a lot of difference suddenly, having an aim. I shall do that. Hopefully prelims I'll be able to see something. Floorballholic pub stunt in the morning. I think it went really well. Good job guys! (: Keep up the good work! Played soccer for PE today. It's been a while since we played like that. Damn fun, all the guys (almost at least) played cause we didn't really want to play frisbee haha. Scored one!! Okay lah, quite lucky also. The penalty shootouts were quite epic to watch. The funny misses and goals haha. My first shot hit the cross bar o.o Almost like the Lampard goal in the England VS Germany game lol. Didn't eat for our break cause we played too much haha. Was damn hungry when I came home though, chionged dinner lol. I'm really wtf at someone's attitude -.- Told Hilary about it just now. More on that next time I guess.
Went for this workshop in the afternoon about learning to be a leader of influence. Did some interactive stuff here and there. I thought the whole session was pretty meaningful, managed to learn a lot and refresh those things that I've learned. I also was kinda reflecting about my term for floorball here and there. Good workshop (: Got damn tired though, like brain dead kind lol. Wei Shian brought up a very good point about the last business game thingy, about how trust is so important and fragile in everything. Everything's there for you to gain when you know what the rest are gonna do. But will you do it? When there's that temptation to be able to soar ahead of the others in a well, different manner? Points to ponder. Something very important to take note of in our lives. I think listening to the opinions of others can really help too, cause you get to consider different views, which really helps in your perspectives thinking.
I never really said this properly. But thanks so much Wei Shian for talking to me yesterday. Yeah kinda broke down a bit ._. Ranting on about some crappy things that have been plaguing my mind a bit. At least I managed to let it out and it kinda helped I guess. I think some reasons why I've been like that cause I've been very demoralised by many things whereby I apply a force but the rock doesn't move. Sometimes the rock even falls onto me. Managed to be reasonably cheerful today. Thanks a lot bro (: I received another very meaningful message just now. Maybe little bits are starting to light up now.
Not going to school tomorrow cause of the NS medical check-up. Can meet Yibin! I think there's a plan for watching Inception after that too haha. And I thought of some random acronym which I changed to Left Hand Side now (: Don't think it's so direct to be guessed so yeah haha. Very random stuff. Anyway, I think the lyrics to this song are really well cool for such a situation. Posting Adam Lambert's version. Both versions are pretty good I think. Chose this one cause I only heard Adam's version recently believe it or not lol.
I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you oh oh~~
No Boundaries -- Adam Lambert
Seconds, hours, so many days You know what you want but how long can you wait? Every moment lasts forever When you feel you lost your way
And what if my chances were already gone? Started believing that I could be wrong But you give me one good reason To fight and never walk away So here I am still holding on
With every step you climb another mountain Every breath it's harder to believe You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes To get to that one thing
Just when you think the road is going nowhere Just when you almost gave up on your dreams They take you by the hand and show you that you can There are no boundaries! There are no boundaries!
I fought to the limit to stand on the edge What if today is as good it gets? Don't know where the future's headed But nothing's gonna bring me down I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line I've risked being saved but I always knew why I always knew why! So here I am still holding on!
With every step you climb another mountain Every breath it's harder to believe You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes To get to that one thing Just when you think the road is going nowhere Just when you almost gave up on your dreams They take you by the hand and show you that you can
You can go higher, you can go deeper There are no boundaries above and beneath you Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you and your dreams
With every step you climb another mountain Every breath it's harder to believe You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes To get to that one thing Just when you think the road is going nowhere Just when you almost gave up on everything They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries There are no boundaries There are no boundaries There are no boundaries There are no boundaries
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream, it's like a million little stars spelling out your name
Okay, GC had nothing to do so we had Econs early, which ended early and we had an extended break! First time man lol. 1.5 hour Physics tutorial. Had the planning question which was quite okay. Managed to finish it in the time limit o.o Didn't know enough to do the paper 2 though, nuts. Did work in the library, then went to run the 4x400m house relay. Last minute some people couldn't make it I think so just went to fill in with You'en. First thing when I got the baton and started running my thighs started hurting like crap wth -.- Luckily it didn't cramp up halfway while running. Besides the aching muscles, had a pressure problem in my ears zzzz.. I thought it usually occurred when I was dehydrated but I wasn't during that situation. Dunno why also. Got a bit dizzy and stuff ._. Couldn't go home initially cause of the rain, so went to see the practice for the floorballholic pub stunt by the juniors. Hope it goes well tomorrow! Waves and oscillations lecture test tomorrow!
Can tell that some people have given up on me. Just by the way they act or respond. I think my civics/econs tutor might have given up on me :/ I wonder who else has done so too. But well what can I say? I kinda brought it upon myself right? Sucks to have that feeling. Kept having that feeling of 'I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die' (not literally of course). Pressure keeps coming in from myself. Some voice in my head keeps telling me it's too late. I really don't want my nightmare to come true ): Stupid. I think I'm quite weak for a guy. My dad made some comment this morning on the way to school. Shan't bother to type it out. But it was enough to make me almost cry, not because I was sad or something, but his words kinda touched me quite a bit. In the evening, received a very random but caring message from a friend. Don't really talk to that person like everyday and stuff. But yeah, thanks so much for the thought. Pretty simple of asking me to take care and stuff cause of the run. It's nice to know that some people still care and also still believe in you, even though many don't. Now the greatest problem is for me to believe in myself for this journey
Side note, I love 09SH25's infectious mood. Most of the guys are mainly one big bunch. Sounding the horn and doing work together. All sorts of funny jokes and who knows what coming out from somewhere or another haha. It really helps to bring my mood up sometimes (:
Discovered this song yesterday. Think I'm addicted to it now. Really like the tune of the song. For such a mood now, quieter, yet a bit err well lively. It even sounds quite cheerful. I like the lyrics too. One of my favourite songs at the moment (:
Untouchable -- Taylor Swift
Untouchable like a distant diamond sky I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun And when you're close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together Come on, come on, little taste of heaven It's half full and I won't wait here all day I know you're saying that you'd be here anyway But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun Now that you're close, I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together Come on, come on, oh
In the middle of the night waking from this dream I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together Come on, come on, little taste of heaven I'm caught up in you Oh, oh, oh
But your untouchable, burning brighter than the sun Now that you're close, I feel like coming undone In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together Come on, come on, oh
In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together Come on, come on, come on
In the middle of the night waking from this dream I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together Come on, come on, little taste of heaven And in the middle of the night when I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars spelling out your name You gotta come on, come on, come on, come on Come on, come on, oh, oh, oh
Like a million little stars spelling out your name They're spelling out your name, oh
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Take a few words, just basic ones will do. Line them up, permutate them and shuffle them a bit. You form sentences. With different permutations, the meanings of the sentences could differ. At times, just tweaking the sentence could give it a different meaning. Unknowingly, different structures of sentences could end up hurting people or causing misconceptions. The latter can be cleared up with clarification I think. The former, I don't know. I think I've been exposed to too many snide remarks before. Got it before, got it again. Was wishing happy birthday to some very old senior of mine on fb last night. Didn't really see him for a long time. Heard before of how zai he was in studies, as a leader etc. Something occurred to me, wouldn't it be nice to be looked up to or admired for something positive? Yeah it'll be nice, maybe some day perhaps.
My dad just told me one of his friends got killed in an accident. No I don't know the person at all. However with something so close to home, it got me wondering. Life's short, anything can happen. We can be here one moment, and gone the other. What then can we do? I really don't want to lose anyone that means something to me
Side note, at least today I was fully awake in lessons save for Math lecture today. Last week's Chem conso test was quite okay, did better (at least I passed decently please). Shall continue improving! At least that's one blessing to count (: Shouldn't be so sad at the very least. And life is really meaningless without a CCA man sian. Wah lau planning question with paper 2 for tomorrow's Physics 1.5 hour period -.- And I think my problem for econs is quite like my problem for Lit elect last time. Besides not knowing my content well enough, I always write my essays like on face value, I don't go to the required depth for writing my stuff. Guess that's one thing to look out for haha. I feel damn stoned in school nowadays lol
I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing -- Aerosmith
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing Lying close to you feeling your heart beating And I'm wondering what you're dreaming Wondering if it's me you're seeing Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time Don't wanna close my eyes, don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't wanna miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you the sweetest dream would never do I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep Yeah, I don't wanna miss a thing
Stuff happened to me in Sec 3. I can still remember every bit of it. Something that haunts me up till now. Results sucked, got threatened to get pulled out of NP. Always scoldings and naggings and I was usually crying I think. I might get it too after PTM maybe :/ It's funny how results can be a trigger for so many things. I know how it feels, cause I've seen the dark side too. I guess everyone would have some very bad experience that they would go through
On a side note. It's nice to have someone to talk to about stuff, was damn touched by your concern. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it (:
"Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember" -Anne Sullivan
"Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul." -Ezra Taft Benson
"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford
I wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees cause even heroes have the right to dream. I'm just out to find the better part of me
It's funny how a whole bunch of things can start flooding your mind. Like memories here and there. Wah I sound like I'm dying, having flashbacks -.- But yeah. Knocked out during the afternoon just now. Woke up sweating dunno why -.- Watched the Bourne Ultimatum during dinner. Then spent whatever time I was not asleep/not eating doing the energetics revision package. Nuts, can't do a lot of them man. Then the entropy questions I forgot how to explain the things properly -.- Okay at least some work has been done. Think I shall go do the Physics EMI assignment later.
I realised I never really penned down my reflections for last week's CHS Homecoming. Wei Shian and I were sharing our thoughts on it. And yeah this is gonna be really similar in content to what he mentioned in his post. In short, the feeling was really different as compared to last year. It's like I met my form teacher Mr Thomas. But now there's nothing really much to say. Had the most a few sentences comprising of like 'how's life', 'work hard for A's', 'take care', things along that line. Not many of our batchmates went back. Heck don't think anyone from 29th went back except JZ and myself. I quote Shian, the vibe of CHS has just changed. In a few years time, NJ will be like that too. This would sound very well I dunno how people would put it, very act? But yeah, I've always been proud, and will always be, to have been a CHS student and (still am) an NJ student. Stuff might have been difficult here and there during our times in both places and we always complain a lot, but the memories and experiences we had would be unlike any other, at the very least I'm thankful for that.
My dad told me just now how I felt about staying at Leedon Heights. Straight away I questioned the intention of his query. I was half right. Seems like the 6 month building timeframe for our home would likely to be extended cause of some dunno what things here and there. Well, as mentioned umpteen times before, not saying here is bad. Location wise is good cause it's near school, facilities and stuff are kinda okay. But I guess it's the mental part that this isn't my permanent home. And that's the basis of my feeling well lost since staying here. For one the people I've been too used to going home with all take the usual route back, but I take a different one now. The places I usully hang out at, Bishan and AMK, are a bit difficult to get to and get home from. Not to mention certain other factors. Currently from what it seems, the house might only be completed during the period of after prelims, or even around A's. This is so going to suck. I miss YCK ):
To add on to the sucky things. Saw some fb convo between some people. Yeah it was about CT results that's why the convo caught my eye. Apparently there'll be a PTM soon, with those people who screwed up CTs like your truly having to see the principal most probably. I'm so looking forward to it... Never before has this ever happened to me in my life ): Then well I thought about some things too. Guess these people could be considered quite smart. Don't really know how to say it. Do your own agenda. You get the best things. Happiness, results, the stuff that people would consider would be the right thing to do right now. Maybe I should have followed them. I won't be in this situation right now if I did. It's not like anyone saw what happened anyway right? I'm probably the only idiot who bothered about it, maybe cause it affected me. Okay I really sound like some sore loser here. Now I see the thoughts plaguing my mind. I'm partially disgusted really -.- On another hand, it's quite funny to see things on fb, like how some people talk to each other. I mean, well why couldn't I have been able to do that?
Side note, discovered some new flavour of Oreo yesterday while I was at AMK ntuc with Jon. Blueberry ice cream flavour o.o Bought one since it sounded interesting. It tasted really like the ones you get for $1 with the wafer thingys somewhere around. There's that err minty cooling effect too. But I think this kind of flavour won't be what one will be able to get hooked on for a long time. The original oreo, or least the peanut butter and chocolate cream filling tastes better haha
Okay at least I've managed to purge most of the thoughts in my mind, all coming from one afternoon -.- Should be able to feel a bit better, like you know when you get rid of the pus in a wound it'll get a bit better. Same analogy here. My blog is like my rubbish bin oh man. I'm so sorry ): It's funny how I can readily try to encourage people and stuff, but when it boils down to myself I don't know what to do. Guess I need a bit of time to pick myself up. Oh well. This week, NS medical check up on Thursday. Most probably will be able to see Seah Yibin (: Maybe that's something to look forward to at least. Nuts hope I'm not falling sick again, starting to have weird stomaches here and there ._.
Need to pick up the broken pieces and carry on the trail. Please wake me up from this nightmare ): Work, work, work
It's Not Easy To Be Me (Superman) -- Five For Fighting
I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive I'm just out to find The better part of me I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane I'm more than some pretty face beside a train And it's not easy to be me I wish that I could cry Fall upon my knees Find a way to lie 'Bout a home I'll never see It may sound absurd but don't be naive Even heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed but won't you concede Even heroes have the right to dream? And it's not easy to be me Up up and away away from me Well it's all right You can all sleep sound tonight I'm not crazy or anything I can't stand to fly I'm not that naive Men weren't meant to ride With clouds between their knees I'm only a man in a silly red sheet Digging for kryptonite on this one way street Only a man in a funny red sheet Looking for special things inside of me Inside of me, inside of me, yeah Inside of me, inside of me I'm only a man in a funny red sheet I'm only a man looking for a dream I'm only a man in a funny red sheet And it's not easy, it's not easy to be me
Just random thoughts, I think some days would be nice to remember. 20th Dec 2008 would be one. 6th May 2010 would be another. These are the first ones that came to my mind at the moment. Shall think of more days worth remembering perhaps. Reminiscence
Okay, for some reason woke up at 645am and realised I wasn't really sleeping properly. Well to explain stuff, I have a tendency to knock out on my bed with my specs on and the lights in my room left on. So for some reason whatever I sleep I get within those few hours in that state is rendered ineffective. Of course I always keep getting scolded and stuff by my parents for wasting electricity and stuff. So yeah it happened again this morning. And when I woke up I think it was raining already I think. When I finally woke up at about 9 plus it was still raining. Apparently quite a number of places had experienced flooding. The juniors' training got affected also cause Kallang was flooded omg o.o Went for Physics tuition. E-field revision! Yes at least can go through one of my weaker topics (that's a lot actually). Had lunch at J8, really don't like eating alone, damn sian. Managed to get a new set of earphones cause the ones for my ipod just like spoilt just like that wth. Met Jon, we went to Cartel to do some work, not my idea really. Bumped into Wei Chen and Emily Chua there. I think Emily's pw group was having some meeting and Wei Chen was crashing LOL. Still can watch movie sia WC! Went to try out the Chem tuition with Jon and his schoolmate called Samuel. Not bad the tuition. The teacher's quite a nice person. Think she reminds me a bit of Siyun haha, cause of the zi high part lol. Dinner then walked around a bit before we split.
I always have some plan or idea in my head, but I guess that's where I always fail, cause many a times it just stops there. I don't really get to carry out some of these things sometimes, then it looks like I don't care about something or whatever. I think I'm someone who gets discouraged easily. I dunno, it might be a response, a scenario, an impression, the situation or a speculation. Most of the time life just likes to throw me weird and screwed up situations that make things difficult and I dunno what to do. Maybe I'm too held back and freaked out sometimes too. So yeah,haing a plan or idea but not doing anything about it is as good as not having any at all. Like just now, had a plan for something, but then it wasn't a favourable situation again. Ah crap ._.
Okay, bet everyone knows this song. I don't think this song can ever be performed nicely on a rock cover, the essence just isn't right I think. Awesome song (:
Love Story -- Taylor Swift
We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes And the flashback starts I'm standing there On a balcony in summer air See the lights See the party, the ball gowns I see you make your way through the crowd And say hello, little did I know That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles And my daddy said stay away from Juliet And I was crying on the staircase Begging you please don't go, and I said Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story baby just say yes So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while 'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said stay away from Juliet But you were everything to me I was begging you please don't go and I said Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story baby just say yes Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess It's a love story baby just say yes Oh oh I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around My faith in you is fading When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you but you never come Is this in my head? I don't know what to think He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring And said, marry me Juliet You'll never have to be alone I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress It's a love story baby just say yes Oh, oh, oh, oh 'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
Main thing today was rock night. Today I was fully awake for both lectures! But cui-ed during econs though.. Managed to finish my tuition homework after school at least. Quite a good show just now. Good job to Joshua, Nigel and gang for their performance! The last band was quite obviously the best, seeing tha they were the most experienced out of all the performers. Their song transition was not bad, quote Wei Shian. Shian, You'en and I got a bit hyped up when they actually performed Gunslinger by Avenged Sevenfold. One of our favourite bands and an awesome song. Overall good experience, feels like the old times of CHMA eh. Started to cui like halfway during the concert though. Damn tired now. Oh yeah, happened to meet Chun Hui and Chorlin in the concert! Haven't seen either of them in such a long while. At least now this crazy week is over. So many activities and so depressing here and there. I'm an idiot really. I got so nervous that I became paralysed and didn't know what to do or say every time. A bunch of gibberish came out in the end. Argh. Oh yeah another thing. Bumped into Eugene Sng who was watching the concert too. Turns out he was Joe's classmates in secondary school. Damn small world man haha. Had like mini supper at Adam road food centre with the rest
Damn tired now zzz.. Have 2 tuitions tomorrow. Trying out Chem tuition with Jon in the afternoon. Shall go sleep soon
If I could I tell you, I'm holding every breath for you
Something inside this heart has died, you're in ruins
SUSU C. Enough said, it's self explanatory. Even math, thought it'll be able to get some D or something, S. Yeah okay maybe stats and stuff just isn't my strong point. Rest of pure math topics still screwed up anyway. After lecture when we got back our papers I just well lost it, flet very horrible. I think disappointment might be an understatement for my overall results. I don't know what to say anymore about myself. Good job. You can just go and kill yourself right now.
Went for bouldering qualifying rounds just now. My forearm muscles hurt like crap at the moment, couldn't even hold my stick properly just now. Not sure whether I can even write properly tonight. Anyway finally finished and handed up my two month overdue floorball exco reflections last night. Finally can stop worrying about one thing at least. And so sorry again about just now having to cut off halfway like that. Wasn't in the right state of mind to talk to anyone. Tonight I need to sleep properly or I simply won't last tomorrow. Hopefully I can sleep this off too. And the nightmare is just beginning. Hate my life now
I laugh because I must not cry, that is all, that is all
I don't wanna fall to pieces, I just wanna sit and stare at you
Okay today so so a day. Was damn cui today, probably due to yesterday's race. Didn't study for the EM and EMI test then during the lecture just knocked out a bit. Didn't do much of the paper in the end. Freak ._. Career fair in the afternoon. Think as J2s most of us took it more seriously this time. I might consider teaching as a future job? Dunno. The CAAS talk was well a bit dry I guess, so didn't really manage to get much out of it. Went for bouldering practice after that. I think bouldering is quite fun! Quite interesting to do. I think the qualifying rounds is tomorrow for our team o.o Had conso yesterday, some Chem test from 330pm to 5pm. Think at least I can do a bit better for it this time, studied for it at least. Thursday have conso again zzz
Nuts, there's a constant nagging feeling to have to study and work. But then stupid little me just tired myself out and I'm suffering it's effects ._. Think tonight I should sleep more. I guess for my results, stuff like econs affected me more, cause I kinda spent my birthday supposedly studying for it :/ Not saying that I expected to do well and stuff, or that no others went through this as well. Just that I hope to at least to be able to do decently or something, but well :/ Got nothing out of it. Sounds like a lot of things again ): Quoting the phrase in my previous post. And I think it simply sucks to have so many people knowing about stuff some times. It's like every move will be watched, and there's always constant talk and stuff. Makes things damn hard. I can only do things at a distance at times ): Ah nuts. Okay most importantly now is to recover from this stupid flu like stuff and the built up fatigue. Hilary didn't do well for CTs either. We gotta work harder!
Listening to the radio on my phone now. My earphones got damaged so can't really use my ipod at the moment zzz.. Heard things about storms and floods and stuff in other countries. I think the weather is going nuts already. Too tired to think about some of the stuff. Another time I guess.
What's worth fighting for?
Fall to Pieces -- Avril Lavigne
I looked away then I look back at you You try to say things that you can't undo If I had my way, I'd never get over you Today is the day, I pray that we make it through Make it through the fall Make it through it all And I don't want to fall to pieces I just wanna sit and stare at you I don't wanna talk about it And I don't want a conversation I just wanna cry in front of you I don't wanna talk about it 'Cause I'm in love with you You're the only one I'll be with till the end When I come undone, you bring me back again Back under the stars, back into your arms And I don't want to fall to pieces I just wanna sit and stare at you I don't wanna talk about it And I don't want a conversation I just wanna cry in front of you I don't wanna talk about it 'Cause I'm in love with you Wanna know who you are Wanna know where to start I wanna know what this means Wanna know how you feel Wanna know what is real I wanna know everything, everything I don't wanna fall to pieces I just wanna sit and stare at you I don't wanna talk about it And I don't want a conversation I just wanna cry in front of you I don't wanna talk about it And I don't want to fall to pieces I just wanna sit and stare at you I don't wanna talk about it And I don't want a conversation I just wanna cry in front of you And I don't wanna talk about it 'Cause I'm in love with you I'm in love with you 'Cause I'm in love with you I'm in love with you I'm in love with you
Do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth dying for?
Okay, past few days have been erm quite mixed I think. Saturday went for tuition, then homecoming at CHS. Met Wei Shian and walked around. Bumped into many others as well. Bought the anniversary tee lol. After that went to play a bit of street soccer with Wen Xuan, Eugene Leong and a few others. Went to Eugene Sim's house after that. We had dinner with Jon. Initial plan was to catch some random movie as well, but failed cause the timings were off or sold out -.- Dinner at Amk Hub Subway, then went to try various things at some mini food fair at B1. We had a random idea and decided to go to Eugene's house to do some work and then watch the 3rd/4th placing for the World Cup. Did some work, then ended up only watching like the last 20 minutes of the match or something cause we ended up playing some games -.- Saw the last goal though. Didn't sleep much, went for lunch at grandparents' place then back to Eugene's house to do a bit of work before home. Intended to stay up to watch the finals but didn't manage to wake up -.-
Woke up late yesterday, an epic 7:20am o.o Chionged down to school and managed to reach just on time! Quite lucky I live near school I guess. Damn bad day yesterday. Got back 3 papers. Econs, Chem and Physics. SUU respectively. Felt like shit. Congrats my friend. Here you thought you could do better for everything this time. And hallelujah epic failure. WTF. Came back and saw some stuff just now which made me damn pissed off too. It'll be nice if you make your comments more objective? If you want to make a point, at least do it properly. Think it's a build up of several things, plus the lack of sleep and my nose constantly getting blocked -.- Now everything's exploding. SCREWED UP CRAP. In a damn horrible mood now. ARGH!! THIS SUCKS ):
I need to calm down ):
21 Guns -- Green Day
Do you know what's worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away And you feel yourself suffocating? Does the pain weigh out the pride? And you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins One, 21 guns Lay down your arms, give up the fight One, 21 guns Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I When you're at the end of the road And you lost all sense of control And your thoughts have taken their toll When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul Your faith walks on broken glass And the hangover doesn't pass Nothing's ever built to last You're in ruins One, 21 guns Lay down your arms, give up the fight One, 21 guns Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I Did you try to live on your own When you burned down the house and home? Did you stand too close to the fire Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone? When it's time to live and let die And you can't get another try Something inside this heart has died You're in ruins One, 21 guns Lay down your arms, give up the fight One, 21 guns Throw up your arms into the sky One, 21 guns Lay down your arms, give up the fight One, 21 guns Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
Words of the past, whisper their meaning to the present
I think today's post will be a short one. Chem mcq 11/20 wth. Thought I could do better than that. At the very least I'm grateful Mrs Chew said that she thought I could do much better as well. At least people haven't given up on me. Had a little bit of motivation to want to improve. Hope it can last. I remembered something my form teacher Mr Thomas gave me back in Sec 4. I think it might have been for chinese new year or something. Each person had this little slip of paper with a quote he found. Mine read:
The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of work -- Sarah Bolton
Simple phrase, but a lot of meaning. Never really appreciated the message then, but I do now. Let's start bit by bit shall we? Tuition's very irritating by the way. Changed back to 10am tomorrow -.- Oh well, shall go for Homecoming straight after that I guess. Side note, the coordination of my fingers sucks now. Kept screwing up when I was playing piano just now -.- It's been a while since proper practice I guess lol. And I realise my recent cranky mood (a bit) is probably due to this stupid flu-like stuff. Nose keeps getting blocked -.- Need to faster recover!!
Skipped a beat, get a little nervous, but spirits are lifted, lightening the mood. That's what happens. Quite a sad song, it's like a whole story put together. Quite an interesting song
The Day I Died -- Just Jack
Drag myself from my bed, around twenty past six, get my kids up, make breakfast, one egg, two toast, three weetabix, and as i sit down, i look up, and your standing in the door way sunning your back, in my old brown dressingown, well no one could love you more than i love you now. but i, gotta go, running for the bus, cold flying, and im trying not to miss it this time, but the drivers waiting, and thats strange, kids on the top deck quiet for a change, and there's, no rain or roadworks in the, bus lane, and all my hurts run away, and i'm smiling as im punching in, the day i died was the best day of my life, the day i died was the best day of my life, tell my friends and my kids and my wife that everything will be alright, the day i died was the best day of my life, secreteries, they gotta smile for me, and the intray on my desk almost empty, i get a memo from exeutive joe saying rob, the gob, is getting kicked out for imbezziling funds from the company account, and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't chuffed cuz i've always hated rob, and now they'll probablly offer me robs old job, and in the park at lunch, there's no one im on my favorite bench, not even that drunk chap or any of that greasy stench, and the scrawny little pigoens with the gammy legs, decide to dive for someone elses sandwichs instead, and there's something about this city today, like all the colours conspire to overwelm the gray, and it's close to the fire i can feel no cold, with a rainbow, halo, around my soul, the day i died was the best day of my life, the day i died was the best day of my life, tell my friends and my kids and my wife that everything will be alright, the day i died was the best day of my life, so i leave work, get to the highstreet and i miss my bus, shall i wait for another no i cant be asked, i begin to walk, a rush hour crowd seem to part like the red sea, and im stopping a the offie, twenty cigerites and a six pack to relax me, and as i cross back over the street, i guess i never saw that taxi, the day i died was the best day of my life, the day i died was the best day of my life, tell my friends and my kids and my wife that everything will be alright, the day i died was the best day of my life.
Not used to waking up late on Thursdays, usually had pt in the morning last time lol. Lessons were okay, except I knocked out during Math when I told myself not to -.- Was awake for Econs though lol. Break, monopoly deal, PE, soccer. Math conso, amde me damn demoralised as mistake after mistake was revealed. Knocked out again in the midst of the lecture. Guess I might still need another night to recover.. Meeting with Miss Wong, then went to play fb in the gym. Darius, Jeffrey, Adrian and Jia Wei came down today, haven't seen any of them in some time. In like 7 months plus we'll be like them already lol. Side note, I think being a keeper can be quite fun at times haha
Somehow the topic of the team has always been a touchy issue for me. More specifically my own team. Today's meeting was like a wrap up of things and a discussion of things to pass on and stuff. The same things keep bugging me again. What have I done for my term? It's a little hard to explain everything in words here. But yeah, I think my facial expression gave away what I was thinking a bit. Certain little issues can just trigger off some not so happy feelings. Cause these were probably the things that had been giving me problems for a very long time. Then again, I asked myself in the classroom. I can forgive others for their mistakes and stuff quite easily, but can I really forgive myself? Especially for this, for the things I've done and well not done? I dunno. I almost wanted to cry when Miss Wong gave the final line about like saying how we did our jobs and stuff. I don't know if I really deserved those words at all. I don't know if one day I can really forgive myself for what I've (not) done
Damn irritated at the moment. Last minute suddenly received a sms saying tuition is at 1pm wth -.- Usually it's at like 10am then now it's gonna disrupt some plans zzz. And Homecoming's this Saturday!!! Argh!! And take care luhh, damn lucky there was a check up man. Better rest your eyes this week! (:
What I've Done -- Linkin Park
In this farewell There's no blood There's no alibi Cause I've drawn regret From the truth Of a thousand lies So let mercy come And wash away What I've done I'll face myself To cross out what I've become Erase myself And let go of what I've done Put to rest What you thought of me While I clean this slate With the hands Of uncertainty So let mercy come And wash away What I've done I'll face myself To cross out what I've become Erase myself And let go of what I've done For what I've done I start again And whatever pain may come Today this ends I'm forgiving what I've done I'll face myself To cross out what I've become Erase myself And let go of what I've done (Na-na na na)(Na-na na na)(Na-na na na) What I've done(Na-na na na)(Na-na na na) (Na-na na na)(Na-na na na) Forgiving what I've done(Na-na na na)(Na-na na na) (Na-na na na)(Na-na na na)(Na-na na)
Okay, I'm officially sick today ._. Felt like crap the moment I woke up zzz. Should have listened to my dad and stayed at home I guess. No idea why I went to school in the end. Best still, stupidly played captain's ball for pe -.- Really didn't help argh. Had lectures and contact with Mrs Cheng. Talk by brightsparks reminded again of the A's and to think about a career path soon ._. Don't think I'll be able to even qualify for any scholarships anyway so well.. After school, had the 'longest wave' thingy at the track, for some singtel thingy. Not much to comment about it. Played monopoly deal AGAIN. I swear it's becoming dangerously addictive man lol. Went to get a haircut then home. Damn tired and feeling like crap ._. Guess I need to rest if I wanna play fb during their training tomorrow. The 42nd SC officially stepped down today. A big thanks to them for making many of the things that were carried out in the school, well happen. Kudos to them! Also, congrats to the 43rd and wish them all the best for their term ahead! One year plus ago I made the very difficult decision in the student lounge. I was just wondering how different would life have been if I took the other path instead? And I'm really damn suay. My left lens dropped out again when I went to cut my hair just now. Same situation as last thursday -.- Then I realised that the lens had some problem, oddly shaped and stuff. Dried up by the time I found a toilet.. Lost it somewhere in the end wtc. Damn stupid wah lau -.-
Okay shall sleep soon if I've nothing to do I guess. I realise I get damn cranky when extremely tired or something. I like the lyrics for this song.
Fast Cars -- Bon Jovi
How can I defend? "Let's live for now not then" We're chasing tail lights Let them fade into the distance Let's say the engine stalled and start again Turn around let's turn around It's a dark road we been heading down Trust me tonight I swear I know where we are We're gonna run all the lights We're gonna blow right through the radar
Fast cars We are fast cars How can I pretend the signs don't say dead end So many hearts just wind up in a junkyard Where memories are nothing but spare parts Turn around just turn around And leave the past behind us now Come on we ain’t gonna crash This time we ain't slowing down We'll pull ahead of the pack Slipping thru the cracks cause we are Fast cars On a long ride take your foot off the brake Let's just put it in drive We are fast cars on the inside There's no turning back On the highway of life Fast cars We are fast cars(Sha La Sha La) Flying through the stop signs(Sha La Sha La) Running over bad times(Sha La Sha La) Gunning down the daylight Counting days like white lines Holding on for our lives
We are fast cars, ohh We are fast cars On a long ride take your foot off the brake Let's just put it in drive We are fast cars on the inside There's no turning back on this highway tonight(Sha La Sha La)(Sha La Sha La) We are fast cars(Sha La Sha La) We are fast cars We are fast cars
Today was a pretty average day. Felt like crap the whole day though. I think I'm starting to fall ill ._. You'en said I felt pretty warm in the morning then started having a bit of a sore throat through out the day. Wah sian. Felt damn cui and knocked out during Physics and a bit dring Econs. Wtfff. Think one by one all the two-cycle land ex gang going down liao. RJ don't be next hor! After school, initial plan for Panyu and I was to study transition metals for tomorrow's test. Ended up we joined the rest in playing monopoly deal in the canteen. We're a bunch of screwed up kids man, quote Nigel haha. Only stopped at like 430pm -.- Went LOL at the content for pt for the juniors. I think all of their lower bodies would be aching like mad now. Came home swam for a short while and napped a bit
This morning my dad was discussing some things that were going to take place soon. Got me wondering about something. Change. It seems like it's something pretty common, almost considered a part of the working world. I don't deny that it probably is. I guess it didn't really have an impact on me as much cause both my parents didn't really change much of their jobs, or even change working places and stuff, at least from the time I was sensible enough to realise what these things were. I wondered for my own case, will I be prepared for change in the future? Will I be able to give up the things and maybe the people I've grown an attachment to, or found a belonging in, when the time arises? Already twice, when I left the CCAs that made an impact on me, it's been difficult to like let go and stuff. I guess I'm the kind of person who would most probably find it hard to say goodbye to things, especially those that I feel an attachment to. Kinda afraid to lose the things that mean a lot to me at time I guess. Dunno, any opinions on this?
Got reminded again of the battle ahead. 8 weeks to Prelims, 3 days and 4 months to the A's. The pressure's building up. I know I need to study, but I half not want to, getting damn sian of it. Time's running out. I need to increase the duration of my Bankai, like say what 5 months? Lol. I guess this is very different from the O's. Partially cause my foundation was probably a bit better then. And I think I wasn't really aware about what the level of the so called competition was. I do now. And yes I'm worried, I'm scared. I don't want my nightmare to come true ._. Guess I gotta overcome this inertia myself. Remember the deal about consistent work? Need to stick to it as muh as possible. Right now I need to recover and get my footing back
Fearless -- Taylor Swift
There's somethin' 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained There's a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there In the middle of the parking lot, yeah We're drivin' down the road, I wonder if you know I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now But you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair Absent-mindedly makin' me want you And I don't know how it gets better than this You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless And I don't know why but with you I dance In a storm in my best dress, fearless So baby drive slow 'til we run out of road In this one horse town, I wanna stay right here In this passenger seat, you put your eyes on me In this moment, now capture it, remember it 'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless And I don't know why but with you I'd dance In a storm in my best dress, fearless Well, you stood there with me in the doorway My hands shake, I'm not usually this way But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin' It's fearless 'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless And I don't know why but with you I'd dance In a storm in my best dress, fearless 'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless And I don't know why but with you I'd dance In a storm in my best dress, fearless
