Reality check, wake up call
Nothing much over the past few days, except Monday started Econs tuition with Eugene Leong. Must say the class is not bad, at the very least my interest in Econs is piqued a bit more, I shall start everything again! I thought my teacher looked a bit like Mr Damian Chee lol. Tuesday afternoon had Chem conso test. Quite screwed up -.- Was surviving on 2 hours of sleep today, cause I spen a hell of a time trying to plan and do a GP essay which I didn't know how to answer. It was already the best choice of question and it was due today so yeah. Ended up sleeping at 4am what the crap.. Burned out today. Afternoon had the track finals thingy. This year is such a large scale event. Screwed up my relay run zzz.. Chionged at the start then caught up with the leaders but they weren't sprinting yet, so when they did I had no energy left to sustain -.- Damn. Had the stupid pressure problem again in my ears, at least now okay le.Okay but I guess the main thing about today was contact. Had contact in the hall as a batch whereby our CT results were reviewed. And yeah, the teachers said quite a lot of stuff which made a lot of sense and truely made me reflect. In short, I felt really horrible. Yeah it's true, whatever we're working for now is just a stepping stone to what's coming in the future. I told my parents I wanted to consider teaching, my mum said no, saying that she thought I could do like law or something. A bit of a tall order, but that told me that they thought it might be possible for me to try many things. Coming to NJ with my O level results of 6 points with 7A1s, 1A2 and 1B3. Am I living up to the expectations of what my parents, my relatives think I could do? Am I even living up to my own expectations? I guess I realise one fundamental problem lies with myself. My mind. Upon reflection I realise the big difference between now and 2 years ago is that back then I had aims, I was motivated and we kept striving hard to improve. That was what I told myself, to improve every prelim, which I did generally. In addition, I materialised those aims into actions, I admit back then I was much more hardworking than now I guess. Now I seem to be floating around, so called taking whatever comes my way. I had some aims, but I didn't really have the drive to manifest those aims in my actions. Are they, as what my teachers had said about some forms of studying, being done at face value, or even superficial? We're working for our future, we're working for ourselves because these are our own grades. Right now, I've got to do things properly and really focus. I guess things that have happened over these 2 years made me live with the "Don't expect too much to avoid disappointment" kind of philosophy. Just this year alone I kept facing so many of these failures. But now, I gotta cast that aside. As much as I don't really have faith in my own abilities, I gotta pick myself up from here and keep my aims in mind. I'll work much harder from now on, because I want to fight for my dreams
Side note, I should learn occlumency lol. Harry Potter fans out there would know what this is. Cause I seem to have weird flashbacks sometimes. And some sad thoughts always like to pop in here and there. Should learn to block them out when I need to. No I'm not going insane yet -.- I'm not sure how many people can relate to this. But yeah, some songs I have seem to have attached themselves to memories which had had some form of impact. Sometimes when I hear them I seem to have great rush of feeling and start reliving the memory. Unfortunately sometimes they aren't always happy ones throughout :/ Some examples of what I'm mentioning here would be like The Time of My Life by David Cook reminds me of D'08, basically because it was a song played in the graduation video. It Might Be You by Stephen Bishop reminds me of some stuff last year. Saw my YLTC group instructor Hadi's facebook status, which made a lot of sense to me. "Sometimes we never really know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory". There are definitely memories that are dear to me. I know most of them can never be brought back. I'll just hold them in my heart and cherish them, because no matter what the situations are now, I still enjoyed those little moments (: You'll be in my heart - Phil Collins. Lol
A combination of what people like Panyu, You'en and Nigel had told me before. Now what's important is to stay as happy as possible and work as hard as possible. 4 months plus, that's all. Gotta endure. Of course, in the midst of all this, we musn't forget to cherish and care for those around us. Yeah to those all who mean something to me (: Don't really like people who only care about studying and don't even bother about basic interaction with people. WTH man -.-
This has been a long post. I guess the contact session really screwed my mind up damn badly. Almost kinda broke down in the hall :/ I've had it with being mentally and emotionally strained cause of everything that goes wrong. I'm gonna take everything with a pinch of salt and stand back up to continue the fight. Must.be.stronger. It was a crude wake up call, but now it's reminded me of what's of priority now. Anyway, Eugene Sim's enlisting tomorrow. All the best in NS dude. See you when you book out haha. Okay tonight better get enough sleep
"Vision without action is only a dream. Action without vision is wasting time. Vision and action can change the world" -Confucius
mentally challenged @ 8:57 PM
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