Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
More than hope, more than faith, it gives me strength, strength to believe, that there's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
Okay, today was the Teachers' Day celebrations. Woke up later then reached school about 9 plus. Watched a bit of the concert in school. It ended about 10 I think. Only managed to see Mr Tan Keng Cheong and Mr Tan Chih Yuan, whom I wished them Happy Teachers' Day. Well, they were the only ones I could find and well could talk to and stuff. Thinking back a bit, they were probably some of the few teachers in NJ I could really communicate with and stuff, and the ones who cared quite a bit on perhaps a more personal level. Thank you Mr Tan(s), and I would like to add in Mrs Chiew and Mr Andrew Chong. Thank you teachers (:
I know I was pretty desperate for studying time and stuff, but ultimately, I decided to go back with Eugene. I remember that time when we went for Homecoming Wei Shian and I felt very alien and stuff. Maybe it's the occasion or something, but today it felt very very different from that day. I felt warm and well welcome. I met and had a good chat with almost all my upper sec teachers, well except Mr Quay cause he was on the phone. He was like 'wah my 3 sciences A1 student' then gave me a pat, then I told him I failed everything then he gave the 'wah lau' face haha. Saw Mrs Tan, Mr Thomas, Miss Saras, Mr Fernandez, Mr Daniel Yong and a few other teachers. Had a good chat with them. Met quite a number of people too. Ivan, QC, Lam Jun Wei, 29th people, Wen Xuan and gang, plenty of the juniors etc etc. I didn't regret giving up 4 hours to go back today. The feeling of CHS made me feel a bit happier today. My teachers also spurred me not to give up too. My spirits got lifted a bit. Too bad I couldn't have lunch with 29th today owing to time constraints and stuff. Got my Friends of CHS service award from Mr Yong too. It was really nice to see my beloved teachers and friends today (: Side note, heard something, a damn obvious hint was given today lol. Have to wait for Thursday to know the exact details I guess.
On an unrelated note, life seems to like playing jokes on me. No they are neither funny nor enjoyable. Like well, using certain things to indirectly suan me? I don't know. Life likes to do a lot of things to me. Why this thought? Guess I unknowingly found out some stuff today. Don't know why I'm swayed by it though it doesn't directly affect me. Oh yeah and I'm dead for this week. No time to complete everything. Life rocks my socks
Got reminded of this today during the concert at NJ. Dunno if inspiring is the right word, but yeah
Breaking Free -- High School Musical (Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens)
We're soarin', flyin' There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach If we're trying, so were breaking free You know the world can see us In a way that's different than who we are Creating space between us Till we're seperate hearts But your faith it gives me strength Strength to believe We're breakin' free We're soarin' (Flyin') There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach If we're trying Yeah, we're breaking free Oh, we're breakin' free (Ohhh) Can you feel it building Like a wave the ocean just can't control Connected by a feeling Ohhh, in our very souls (Very souls, Ooohhh) Rising 'til it lifts us up So everyone can see, we're breakin free We're soarin' (Flyin') There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach If we're tryin' Yeah we're breaking free Ohhh we're breakin free Ohhhh, Runnin' (Climbin') To get to that place To be all that we can be Now's the time So we're breaking free We're breaking free (Ohhh , yeah) More than hope, more than faith This is true, this is fate and together We see it comin' More than you, more than me Not a want, but a need Both of us breakin' free Soarin' (Flyin') There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach If we're trying Yeah we're breaking free (Breaking free) We're runnin (Ohhhh, climbin') To get to that place To be all that we can be Now's the time (Now's the time) So we're breaking free Ohhh, we're breaking free (Ohhhh) You know the world can see us In a way that different than who we are...
Some say this can't be real and I've lost my power to feel, tonight
Okay study day today. Woke up with a headache again -.- Went to school then did Physics the whole day. Most irritating part is that I got stuck at some EMI question for freaking long, and discussed with quite a few people UNTIL we realised all I forgot to do was to resolve the third force into it's components to add on to the respective magnitudes and stuff as well. Idiot man -.- No time for econs liao zzz... Econs tuition was okay I guess.
My body is starting act weirdly. Just now felt hot for a while, then cold then hot again -.- Everyday is also a drag cause I wake up as though I hardly slept every single time zzzz. Sian hope I won't fall sick.. I realised the importance of your mind being fresh and stuff today. Whatever I seem to have absorbed and read seems to diffuse out somewhere.. And it sucks when you do a question wrongly and you realise your mistake was not reading the question properly -.- It's now a moral dilemma on whether to visit CHS tomorrow, owing to the desperation of the situation at the moment
And so the battle rages on. At this point of time our advances are hindered by our own incapabilities. A strike now could possibly mean annihilation
And so something similar got me wondering.. Why??
I'm going crazy already. Insanity's catching up :/ Back to Physics
Ah nuts, today wasn't exactly a productive day :/ Went to my grandparents' house for lunch as usual. Then met Gabriel, Nigel and Lionel at Serene Centre. They came over to study. I ended up knocking out a bit in the afternoon zzz.. Did some work then played squash lol.. A bit more work then we went to Adam food centre for dinner before splitting. Ended up the whole day I only read a bit of econs and did one essay -.- Sian. Okay going to school tomorrow even though it's study day. Doing work in school is the only way I can productive I guess lol. Chiong Physics and Econs this week liao
Spoke to someone about some stuff just now. I guess the problems they're facing are really well quite serious on the whole, even for both sides. I guess each batch faces a unique set of problems of their own. I had mine, my predecessors had theirs too. All this is part of our learning curve I guess? Upon reflection, it'll help us find ways to improve the situation(s) perhaps? At the very least, it's heartening to see some things are still present. Perhaps the time period now is a factor. Let's see how things go. Whatever the case, don't crumble and give in
Let's make tomorrow as productive as possible. 4 days to prelims. Last chance
And so the questions are all over the place. The answer is but a mystery to either. Maybe there isn't an exact one. Time and place weren't favourable, taking the possibilities and 'could haves' away from the knight. Fight through this battle, the final obstacle is the mighty A-team. In your hands you wield the broken blade, it's your choice how to utilise it, to improve it for the campaign. Hopefully at the end, when you finally reach the top of the tower, you'll find just whom and what you've been fighting to get to. So now the key is to survive and fight through the thick of battle. Conditions required: All the strength you have and quite simply, faith that there's something there to fight for. Hopefully the sacrifices won't be in vain, and hopefully we don't get eliminated halfway. The risks are high, just so you know
I think this song says a lot. I think he's a lot like Taylor Swift, their music themes are pretty similar, probably taking the guy perspective in this case lol. Nice song
Just So You Know -- Jesse McCartney
I shouldn't love you but I want to I just can't turn away I shouldn't see you but I can't move I can't look away And I don't know How to be fine when I'm not 'Cause I don't know How to make a feeling stop
Just so you know This feeling's takin' control Of me and I can't help it I won't sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know It's gettin' hard to be around you There's so much I can't say Do you want me to hide the feelings And look the other away And I don't know How to be fine when I'm not 'Cause I don't know How to make a feeling stop Just so you know This feeling's takin' control Of me and I can't help it I won't sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know This emptiness is killin' me And I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long Lookin' back I realize it was always there Just never spoken I'm waitin' here Been waitin' here Just so you know This feeling's takin' control Of me and I can't help it I won't sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to Just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know, just so you know Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to Just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know, just so you know
Okay, just got home not long ago. Physics tuition got postponed last minute to Sunday evening -.- So went to Bishan library to try and do work. Fell asleep while reading market failure notes -.- Met the Area 4 people for a bit during lunch break. Sms chased me off asked me to go study -_- Bumped into Edmund, Gabriel and Lionel when I went back to Bishan library. The place was freaking crowded. So someone had a bright idea and we decided to head to National Library at Bugis. Turns out that the place was freaking crowded too -.- In the end we settled for some nearby Macs. Didn't manage to do much before going back to Bishan for Chem tuition zzz.. The libraries are all getting damn crowded man sian. Chem tuition today stretched for an epic 3 hours or so omg o.o It's a record man. Had dinner with Jon at S11. Our usual chat and stuff. That was like what 10 plus man. Eugene couldn't join us today cause he got confined in camp lol. Next week man. Hopefully the whole gang can be present next week? Oh and I went to try the Koi bubble tea today, since I've been wondering why people are so willing to queue for freaking long just for bubble tea. It's not bad I guess, but I don't think I'll be siao to be hooked on to it or something lol
Was talking about some random stuff with Edmund on the train just now. It went to some topic that was quite interesting. The usual thought when you hear about a certain thing happening is that the problem usually lies with one and stuff. That's probably the conventional thought. Then again, it could be the other way around right? I think we could see some 3 examples perhaps? Not saying that it's an absolute, but I guess the original thinking could be put to test, cause it isn't always one side's problem, the other has an impact and a part to play too. So yeah, the stereotyped roles could be reversed too for various situations? I discussed some other semi related stuff with Jon as well. Where exactly is the fine line? An unspoken one? Points to ponder. And it's funny how the exact same few thoughts can be present in different people's minds, with the different ones with respect to different people. And similar things are being done lol.. My stand is the same for some. Another thing, Milissa and I were discussing about cadets. Guess we had similar experiences. Things have changed in Uniformed Groups I must say. Heard stuff about my own cadets a while back and I was pretty sad. I wonder what's the fate of all this in the future? Haven't we had a part to play in what they have become too? More points to ponder.. After A's hope I can go back to NP to help out again too. as for my current juniors in fb too, I wanna go back to help them soon. Don't want to let them go through what we got. For now, I have my own duty to myself to fufill lol..
Oh yeah on random notes, wonder how my brother is doing. He went to Outward Bound Sabah last Saturday, coming back on Monday. The house has been damn quiet these few days lol. And yeah Panyu told me that he had a nightmare that I was trying to snatch some girl from him in his dream LOL. Couldn't help but laugh like crazy man hahaha
Okay decided to be really random and post this song. I think people are gonna kill me for posting this. Okay lah, I'm not exactly a fan of his music, but the song can be a bit catchy haha. And I jsut realised how long the lyrics are, thought it's a lot of repeat. The dance in the vid is not bad lol. The second one is a cover by this group of people that Clara showed me some time back. I think it's pretty good. The rap cover is funny haha. Damn talented people! Okay shall sleep soon
Baby -- Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris
Ohh wooaah Ohh wooaah Ohh wooaah You know you love me, I know you care Just shout whenever, And I'll be there You are my love, You are my heart And we will never ever-ever be apart Are we an item. Girl quit playing "We're just friends" What are you sayin? Said theres another and looked right in my eyes My first love broke my heart for the first time, And I was like, Baby, baby, baby ooh Like baby, baby, baby noo Like baby, baby, baby ooh Thought you'd always be mine, mine Baby, baby, baby oohh Like baby, baby, baby noo Like baby, baby, baby ohh Thought you'd always be mine, mine For you, I would have done what ever And I just cant believe we ain't together And I wanna play it cool, But I'm losing you I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring And I'm in pieces, Baby fix me and just shake me til' you wake me from this bad dream I'm going down, down, down, down And I just can't believe, my first love won't be around And I'm like, Baby, baby, baby oooh Like baby, baby, baby noo Like baby, baby, baby ooh Thought you'd always be mine, mine Baby, baby, baby oooh Like baby, baby, baby noo Like baby, baby, baby ooh Thought you'd always be mine, mine Luda, When I was thirteen, I had my first love There was nobody that compared to my baby And nobody came between us or could ever come above She had me going crazy Oh I was starstruck She woke me up daily Don't need no Starbucks She make my heart pound[wwwhhhooo]and skip a beat when I see her in the street and, At school, on the playground But I really wanna see her on the weekend She know she got me dazing Cuz she was so amazing And now, my heart is breakin' But I just keep on sayin' Baby, baby, baby ohh Like baby, baby, baby noo Like baby, baby, baby ohh Thought you'd always be mine, mine Baby, baby, baby ooh Like baby, baby, baby noo Like baby, baby, baby oooh Thought you'd always be mine, mine (Now I'm all gone) Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah (Now I'm all gone) Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Yeah, Yeah, Yeah (Now I'm all gone) Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Now I'm all gone, gone, gone, ooh I'm gone
And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart
I don't really know what to say. Perhaps first things first, the matter was cleared up today. I agree with Wei Shian, that no matter what happens, we really still should stick to what are values are. I guess in times of desperation, I got caught up in stuff that I forgot who I was supposed to be. Lessons learnt from this, an important one. Did work in school with KB, Eugene, Yong Le, Jun Wee and Jing Han. Shifted from library to CA3 to the canteen, cause we got chased out due to the respective place having to be locked up. Ordered pizza for dinner lol.
They always say, the best medicine is always bitter. I guess it's the kind of situations I'm in, and the things that I've been exposed to that have had influence on me. And I'm not just talking about stuff that's happened in this phase, but from previous things as well. I guess I'm the type who really needs encouragement and stuff, and I'm only able to take harsh treatments and stuff when my mind is in the strong mental state. Having an already low self esteem and stuff from the start, when I'm really vulnerable, that simply just destroys my morale and spirit, so much so that it screws me up. Yeah call me weak, and well I dunno what you would call me and stuff. I thought about reasons why this might be so, but they're mere theories. And I should by right be improving myself. I've been a total idiot in being unable to see what some might have been trying to do for me, until I got enlightened just now. Now, I'm seeing things on their surface value, maybe cause I'm sick of trying to go too deep into analysing it, or maybe I'm just too tired, or maybe I'm just screwed up. I guess I always get some of the most screwed up of things on my plate.. My mind always seems to be swimming when such things are brought up :/ Not everything that's good comes in nicely wrapped packages for you. You need to open them up and know how to use what's wrapped inside ain't it? I stop at Step 1 many a times. Grow with this and learn Steps 2 and 3 properly too. It's pretty harsh on myself, but it's what I need to improve I feel. Sharpen your tools and build your arsenal up, like they say you can't fight a war with a broken blade, or an empty magazine. Move along with this, and climb this steep ladder. Today is just one of those soul searching days. At the very least, the study session today made me a lot more comfortable and it was at the very least decently productive. I really treasure time that I can use for self study nowadays. And thanks loads Wei Shian (:
I had a short chat with Mrs Chiew in the canteen after lectures and the stuff we had to do. After she left, I almost wanted to cry right there in the canteen.. I'll try to do you proud this time. I can't go down yet can I? Come on
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been -- Relient K
I watched the proverbial sunrise Coming up over the Pacific and You might think I'm losing my mind, But I will shy away from the specifics... 'Cause I don't want you to know where I am 'Cause then you'll see my heart In the saddest state it's ever been. This is no place to try and live my life. Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line. Well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said That it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back. I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again 'Cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been I talk to absolutely no one. Couldn't keep to myself enough. And the things bottled inside have finally begun To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up. I heard the reverberating footsteps Synching up to the beating of my heart, And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart. And I can't let that happen again 'cause then you'll see my heart In the saddest state it's ever been. This is no place to try and live my life. Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line. Well I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. Well I never should have said That it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again 'Cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been Who I am hates who I've been And who I am will take the second chance you gave me. Who I am hates who I've been 'Cause who I've been only ever made me... So sorry for the person I became. So sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again 'Cause who I am hates who I've been. Who I am hates who I've been
I don't have a really proper phrase to describe today. It started off quite nicely, in fact the early morning and afternoon practically made my day. However, some stuff that we did, after seeing something and looking back. I really feel very bad for what we did. I think it's worse cause I once worked with the person and know her personally. And I was seen at the canteen too. I might probably be the only one feeling like this cause of my circumstances. It's not nice at all to feel like you've just sort of betrayed someone's trust.. I know the person's pissed, I mean who wouldn't? I of all people should know what this feels like, having gone through similar stuff and talking about stuff that's perhaps morally right or wrong.. I'm now no better than a hypocrite am I? It's a small matter, but it's now something really big to me. I'm really really sorry :/
I feel very weak, not exactly just exhausted, yeah weak. And I feel a sore throat coming soon.. FML :/
Time keeps passing by, but it seems I'm frozen still. Scars are left behind, but some too deep to feel
I really wonder if I'm an empty shell, making nothing but just noise. I know this is a very screwed up thought. All this simply had to start with the first period of the day. Got back our compre test for GP. Guess what? Bloody screwed up: 22/50. Don't usually get this kind of score, it's always about 28 or so. Okay so 1 WEEK BEFORE THE BLOODY PRELIMS I get this kind of score back. The compre was done a few weeks ago but it doesn't matter. Sucks. This just sucks. Mr Tan asked me how was my studying today. My reply was simple. It was a bit like what I told Warren just now, except with fewer details lol. Right now, I've come to a stage where I can't really bring myself to believe in so called 'prospects' anymore. I think what I really really am in need of is just a little booster, some success to show that it's possible. I've been working, but not as much as the rest. Is that a reason? I don't know. It's freaking demoralising every single time something comes up to whack you right across the face with a loser sign attached to it. Believe? In what is the key thing now.. Mr Tan told me it's not the time to get down in the dumps and have to carry on. Yeah I know that, but a lot of things seem to be pushing me back down.
Had dance for pe today, okay it seemed kind of fun. However I wasn't in any mood to enjoy the dancing. Just had a very screwed up feeling the entire day. Didn't do much either, just finished reading on fiscal policies and reading up for supply side at the moment. Need to face my fear of econs, but no time left.. So screwed up that I gave in temptation and just went to play a bit of floorball with Wei Chen, Shi Min, Brenda and Zhu Er after dinner. The rest of the guys played basketball lol. Random note, I think my language has seriously dropped in standard since O's. Last year might be a reason.. Let's see what we can do. Okay and I'm kinda stupid to think I could recover so quickly. Not too bad except a bit cui throughout. Now feeling very crappy already -.- Guess I shall go read econs before sleeping. Tomorrow I better do more written work if not I'm gonna feel like I've wasted my time again -.- Warren and I seem to be in similar situations too lol. Haven't managed to have a good talk with him like that in a long time (: A temporary hiatus, perhaps. So now what's important? Try to keep going I guess...... Saw this fan page on Facebook which I think made a lot of sense "Sometimes there is no next time, no time outs, no second chances. Sometimes it's now or never" I guess this period is one of them.
Okay, I think this one pretty nice song from the new album. Heard that it's linked to The Rev somehow. Oh well. I think the lyrics are pretty well thought out and it has a nice tune to it. It's supposed to have a sad theme I think. Enjoy
Victim -- Avenged Sevenfold
House full of roses, a letter on the stairs A tape full of messages for anyone who cares Collage of broken words and stories full of tears Remembering your life cause we wish that you were here Nothing is harder than to wake up all alone Realize it's not okay, it's the end of all you know Time keeps passing by, but it seems I'm frozen still Scars are left behind, but some too deep to feel
And some say this can't be real And I've lost my power to feel tonight We're all just victims of a crime When all's gone and can't be regained We can't seem to shelter the pain inside We're all just victims of a crime
Some days you'll find me in a place I like to go Ask questions to myself 'bout the things I'll never know What's left to find? Cause I need a little more I need a little time, can we even up the score?
And some say this can't be real And I've lost my power to feel, tonight We're all just victims of a crime When all's gone and can't be regained We can't seem to shelter the pain, inside We're all just victims of a crime
Nothing lasts forever, for all good things it's true I'd rather trade it all while somehow saving you It must have been the season that've threw us out of line Once I stood so tall, now I'm searching for a sign So don't need your salvation with promises and kind And all the speculations, save it for another time 'Cause we all need a reason, a reason just to stay And some just can't be bothered to stick around another day
And some say this can't be real And I've lost my power to feel, tonight We've all been victims of a crime When all is gone and can't be regained We can't seem to shelter the pain inside We've all been victims of a crime Victims of a crime Living with this crime I'm missing you, I'm missing you I'm missing you, I'm missing you..
I am a hostage to my own humanity. Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made. I've gotta get outta here
Okay, third post for the day and the 400th one on this blog haha. Quite slow considering this blog was created back in late 2006 lol.. Okay nuts, feeling feverish and having slight headaches. Dammit.. Hope I won't have to miss lessons tomorrow man. Didn't manage to do much just now. Shall sleep soon after reading some econs I guess. Bye people. Happy Birthday You'en! Hope you managed to enjoy yourself just now
Music! The beat's pretty energizing haha. The lyrics are damn long man o.o
Be My Escape -- Relient K
I've given up on giving up slowly I'm blending in so You won't even know me Apart from this whole world that shares my fate This one last bullet you mention Is my one last shot at redemption Because I know to live you must give your life away And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity And I've been locked inside that house All the while you hold the key And I've been dying to get out And that might be the death of me And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, Promise I'm going because I gotta get outta here I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I gotta get outta here And I'm begging you, I'm begging You, I'm begging you to be my escape. I've given up on doing this alone now Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how He's told me the way and I'm trying to get there And this life sentence that I'm serving I admit that I'm every bit deserving But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity And I've been locked inside that house All the while you hold the key And I've been dying to get out And that might be the death of me And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, Promise I'm going because I gotta get outta here Cause I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake(Yeah) I gotta get outta here And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape. I am a hostage to my own humanity Self detained and forced to live In this mess I've made And all I'm asking is for you to do what you can with me But I can't ask You to give What you already gave Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity And I've been locked inside that house All the while you hold the key And I've been dying to get out And that might be the death of me And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, Promise I'm going because I've gotta get outta here I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I've gotta get outta here And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape. I fought you for so long I should have let you in Oh how we regret those things we do And all I was trying to do was save my own skin(Oh...) But so were you So were you
Okay damn random stuff. This pair performing Alla Turka (Turkish March) in some music comedy stuff. It's awesome stuff man! Genius haha. Damn nice blend of the chords and the key. Enjoy
Okay, came home early just now cause I wasn't feeling well... Woke up with some screwed up muscle aches on my neck and shoulders, and the lethargy I felt it isn't the normal kind. Screwed up feeling that's all I know -.- Left after econs then reached home about 10:30am. Slept from 11 to about 3 plus haha. Hope by tomorrow morning I'll be okay. My productive capacity just got lowered man -.- Shall go and try to do some stuff. I realise if not for the cake, present and my cert I wouldn't have gone to school at all. Sucks man. Everyone should be having their Chem test now lol. Good luck people
Okay, I really kinda suffered today. Slept at 4am in the end yesterday ._. Woke up feeling like crap, and went to school feeling like crap -.- Anyway, had class photo taking, both the formal one and some that we initiated ourselves lol. Now left with Mrs Low only. It's supposed to be some idea for teachers' day I think haha. Burned out during Econs... Afternoon tried to read up for econs burned out again -.- Felt like crap on the way to tuition. And the weather was like super nice to sleep somemore man. Luckily didn't fall asleep during tuition haha. Some stuff happened just now, I guess it was a mixture of a wrong place at the wrong time and misunderstandings, combined with an already present resentment. I just hope it'll be cleared up soon. A bit stunned such a thing can even happen.. Anyway, reactions can tell you some things, saw an example in the LT today, that's just one. Yeah and I'm still pretty bewildered about this. Like okay, I'm lost lol. Math lecture today I was doing Binomial expansion while Mr Tan was doing AP/GP :x Oh yeah, and I passed my stats test!! 28/50. Okay I know it isn't very good considering there are people who get like 35 plus average and people like You'en get around 40 plus omg. Okay on one note, it's an improvement from my CT score. So yeah, had some careless mistakes. Improve yeah. And I just remembered that there's a chem test after school tomorrow. CRAP! Heck, I'm going to sleep. At the rate I'm going I'm seriously going to fall sick already.. And my ulcers are making life miserable. Sian. Anyway, get well soon (:
Charlie performed this during our graduation ceremony in D'08. A nice soothing slow song (: Can go play piano again lol. Okay good night people
Time?
78 Days
Right Here Waiting --Richard Marx
Oceans apart, day after day And I slowly go insane I hear your voice on the line But it doesn't stop the pain If I see you next to never But how can we say forever
Wherever you go, whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times That I thought would last somehow I hear the laughter, I taste the tears But I can't get near you now Oh, can't you see it, baby You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go, whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive This romance But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance Oh, can't you see it, baby You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go, whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you Waiting for you
If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go
Okay updating again. Friday's lessons were quite okay. Had extra Chem lesson to finish up the little worksheet. Mrs Chiew hasn't given up on me! I really really want to get my A for chem in the final exam for her (: Thanks for the motivation Mrs Chiew! I'm gonna keep work hard!! Sounds cheesy but it's nice to know that people haven't given up on you and still care. Stayed back in school to do work after that. Was with Yong Le, Eugene, Gareth and gang at the library at first, before we moved to the canteen. Ordered in KFC for dinner haha. Damn fun. Felt damn fat after all the oily chicken xD The rest left at 9pm while I went to join Chin and gang at the crossroads. Don't think we were supposed to stay after 9pm but who cares haha. The weather was damn nice on Friday night. Cooling and stuff. There was one moment when Joshua Tan, Chin, Edmund and myself went to walk a bit to enjoy the weather haha. Did quite a bit of work, pretty productive (: Definitely much better than if I were to stay at home. Stayed till an epic time of 11:10pm haha. Decided to be really random and walk home from school. The weather was nice anyway. Took a good 30 mins to get home. Good weather and good music for company in a cool serene night, awesome stuff (:
Saturday was the usual, had tuition(s). Met Eugene who just came back from field camp lol. Brain got fried during Chem tuition ._. Dinner at pastamania then we really talk cock for damn long haha. A lot of people seemed to be in Bishan on Saturday lol. Bumped into Jackson, Hanwen, Warren and a number of others all in J8 area lol. I swear it gets annoying when you keep making careless mistakes in your calculations -.- Today didn't manage to do much. Felt tired the whole day -.- Came home from lunch then wanted to do Econs, but ended up sleeping. Sian. Watched the YOG semi-final 2 soccer match between Singapore and Haiti. First half the Young Lions didn't really play well I guess, totally off form. Second half they played much better, but failed to convert so many chances and stuff. And of course, for those who watched, they would have seen the antics shown on the pitch, shan't say much. Got damn irritated, and I don't think I was the only one, just simply a wth reaction -.- I think the Young Lions could have done better, but at least they woke up and fought harder in the second half. Still, kudos to them and hope they can grab the bronze medal in the 3rd/4th placing match! First time since I'm so on about a soccer game haha. The match reminded me of how much I missed playing floorball competitively. It'll be fun to have people cheering you on in a match. Nationals were so long ago ): Anyway, finally finished my SGC and some other stuff. Too late to do much work though zzzz
Got a bit annoyed for some things. Some people tell me stuff, then expect me to do something else which is like almost the opposite, then get disappointed/angry when I don't do what they expect. Another is like you can be talking perfectly okay, then suddenly the person starts acting cold or start ignoring you for some reason that probably only they would know. Okay, so how am I supposed to react then? Patience is all I can give. I can't really read minds unfortunately. Just need to communicate more with these people I guess. And yeah, somehow I get annoyed at certain things too. Guess when you're in a stressed period you get ticked off pretty easily. And I get a feverish feeling plus a headache after that, keep getting it after tuition -_- Luckily there's honey lemon drink to save the day LOL! I was discussing with someone some stuff, that person told me that sometimes I gotta take care of myself too. Yeah guess so, given the current situations I'm facing. Oh well, I'll just play my part for these things. I'm leaving it to fate for some, and I'm gonna make sure I have a fighting chance for what I can. Based on guessing for some things, I think I really don't show some things well, perhaps too well. Not exactly a good thing. I get energised by music sometimes haha, the drum beats and wailing guitars. Funny source of energy lol. I guess you'll get quite irritated if I kept spamming at different places. Just take care and hope you'll get well soon yeah (: Hope I can keep my energy up and don't cui diao all the time. New motto is to try and make every day as productive as possible, that includes doing my dreaded Econs stuff lol. Okay nuts tomorrow is going to be a freaking long day. I should sleep soon. I need more songs! Class photo taking later!
Suay and lucked out?
Wherever You Will Go -- The Calling
So lately, been wondering Who will be there to take my place When I'm gone you'll need love To light the shadows on your face If a greater wave shall fall And fall upon us all Then between the sand and stone Could you make it on your own? If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low I'll go wherever you will go And maybe, I'll find out A way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you Through the darkest of your days If a great wave shall fall And fall upon us all Well then I hope there's someone out there Who can bring me back to you If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low I'll go wherever you will go Run away with my heart Run away with my hope Run away with my love I know now, just quite how My life and love might still go on In your heart, in your mind I'll stay with you for all of time If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way, way up high or down low I'll go wherever you will go If I could turn back time I'll go wherever you will go If I could make you mine I'll go wherever you will go I'll go wherever you will go
I think life is really kinda funny. It's really a bit like a sine curve, when it goes up it goes down straight away. Like if I get too happy or get a sudden bout of motivation, it always seems to be contradicted with something really opposite. Won't say I'm really down again, but yeah just a bit sian I think. Dunno what the Math stats test did to me man. I think this can somehow be linked to something about equations. I think I learn a lot of stuff based on experience and observations and stuff. So yeah things somehow become some sort of equation. Like say I've seen before or learnt that doing some things would lead to obtaining this. Most basic example, studying and understanding with practise would help you get good results. Yet, when you use the same formula in a similar situation, the results aren't the same. Well, life isn't made up of equations and a standard framework. It changes, with people and with situations. Yep, that's supposed to be the 'interesting' part of life I guess? Oh well, just have to adapt to what comes my way. I hope my flame won't go out lol. Bounce back. More work tomorrow! I think I'm missing something important, cause I'm a little clueless o.o
The topic of change was somehow brought up by Chin on Tuesday while we left school to go to serene Macs to do work. People change, yeah they do. It isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. Guess it's a part of life I guess? Seeing some around you change, to something different, sometimes to something that we aren't really comfortable with. Their attitudes towards things, even towards you change too. Once again it can go both ways. I guess I've changed a bit in certain senses as well. For better or for worse, not really for me to say I guess. Maybe it's a mixture of both lol
Felt damn sian after the stats test then went to play floorball with Yong Le and Eugene just now. Miss playing the game already man. Hope I'll be able to play matches after A's man. The passion for the game seems to be there still, guess not playing at all for about 2 weeks already has its effects lol. For now, abstinence till all this is over. My uniform was soaked through just now man, cause I forgot to bring my shoe bag containing my stuff to school today. SIAN -.- My left elbow has been hurting since yesterday, hope it's nothing serious sian. And I think I'm catching a cold already. Win liao man -.-
Didn't know where to place this exactly. In school, I realised this: During weird times like this, we learn to appreciate the smallest of things that come our way. A gesture, or phrase, anything. The smallest things can have some of the greatest impact.
My dad just showed me this. Watching it just brings me to thinking about things to a whole new level.
If we hold on together, I know our dreams will never die. Live believing, cause dreams see us through to forever
Okay, it's time I updated this place a bit. Guess it's best to start from last week. Thursday and Friday was Floorballholic. I guess overall the event was successfully carried out, based on what I saw at least. Of course there were quite a few problems and stuff along the way. Like on the short debrief on Friday, everything's part of a learning process, hope the juniors have been able to gain valuable experience (: Had a good talk too (: After the event, had dinner at Macs with Wei Chen, Joe, Shi Min and Joshua. Talked for damn long until like 11 plus lol. Heard about the stuff that happened. Shan't say much here I guess. Saturday was a pretty good day I guess? Managed to do quite a bit of work, including tuitions and the break in between. Talking to people along the way also. Jon and I met up with the-now-shaved-head Eugene haha. Dinner and stuff then camped at his house a bit. And I realised I missed the showing of the YOG opening ceremony -.- Damn, totally didn't even know about it zzz. Some people got to watch it on site haha. It was nice meeting Eugene again after 2 weeks. I know things are tough there, but endure yeah! Sunday was nothing much except trying to do work lol. Most random thing, during dinner my family sat down to watch Ip Man on a cd. Don't think we've done that for a long time lol. In short, the show's good! And well, as the previous post showed, broke down (again) at night... Monday, tuition was kinda motivating a bit. See how much Econs I can absorb these 2 weeks. Tuesday also nothing really much I think, save for night study. Ended up at Serene Macs at one point lol
Today, pe played soccer again, 25 vs 27. Had the misfortune of a slight accident, tried to change the direction of the ball while running after it. Then accidentally stepped on the ball and my face hit Wei Shian's thigh. My teeth cut my lip -.- Sian diao. Saw the blood then went wtf man. Suay. Felt a bit screwed up after that zzzz. In a way, have to be thankful cause I guess it could have been a lot worse in many ways. Have been doing the night study stuff again. Should be doing it everyday that I'm available now. I guess I've managed to find a bit of motivation back and have been trying to work as much as possible. The usual gang consisting of people from "09SH28" (LOL) at the crossroads. Past two days have been trying to study Stats for tomorrow's stats test for math consolidation lecture. Sampling sucks man, first 7 questions are all explanation and description questions -.-
I guess one thing that impacted me today was the talk today during leadership period in LT5. Okay, it wasn't the feedback session thingy which I really have no comments about. It was more of the talk after. Miss Chua the dean talked a bit about the spirit of giving, then a NJ alumnus gave a bit of a talk about giving back to the college and stuff. Well, I won't say that I'm totally satisfied with the college and stuff here and there. However, I still think that to some degree we should have a certain level of gratitude to the stuff that has happened. I admit I probably would have complained quite a bit about how things are, but when you actually sit down and reflect, yes I still enjoy some parts of life here. Perhaps it might be a little different for me cause I kinda wanted to come to NJ, might be different from people and stuff so yeah. I heard some comments that some people made during the talk about school and stuff. They really made me kinda sad. Best part was that I knew those people personally. Somehow the talk reminded me also of how I talk with like my cadets and stuff. Did that style in floorball a few times also. Maybe people don't really listen? Dunno. One more important thing that I got reminded of today, was to simply, think postively, in the sense that we could see everything in a different light. Perhaps sometimes I had been thinking too much of why didn't I get it, or why not and so on. To put it simply, we get too caught up in the negative thoughts of 'why not' and things along that line? Instead of having that mentalilty, we can learn to be contented with things, and do things because we want to not because of some other agenda. A very idealistic thinking, but it can be a little guide for us at times (:
I really hope I can keep this momentum and spirit up. Stats test tomorrow! After that must chiong Chem and Econs liao zzz.. Random article I read in the Economist during GP today. It was something titled the politics of hair or something. Made me go o.o when I read it. Night study continues. Tiring but definitely more productive than if I were to stay at home. Keep on improving! Wei Shian and I bumped into Yenjin just now at the HCI bus stop. Nice to see her again! Random notes, I need more songs! Also, should I cut my hair for next week's class photo shoot thingy?
Everyone seems to be facing many difficulties and problems. Yeah there times when we really feel down in the dumps, on the verge of giving up. Let's endure and work things out. It might be slow, it might be tedious, it might push us back down into the dirt, but we'll pull through in the end (: Let's take things one step at a time slowly but surely and hopefully. This applies for me too I guess. Will be with you and you in spirit, even if I can't do so physically (: One's in Tekong so quite hard lol. Got reminded of this song, probably suits this occasion the best. This was sung by our teachers during farewell assembly in Sec 4. Lyrics are really inspirational (:
If We Hold On Together -- Diana Ross
Don't lose your way With each passing day You've come so far Don't throw it away Live believing Dreams are for weaving Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story Faith hope and glory Hold to the truth In your heart
If we hold on together I know our dreams Will never die Dreams see us through To forever Where clouds roll by For you and I
Souls in the winds must learn how to bend Reach for a star Hold on to the end Valleys, mountains There is a fountain Washes our tears all away Words are swaying Someone is praying Please let us come Home to stay If we hold on together I know our dreams Will never die Dreams see us through To forever Where clouds roll by For you and I When we are out there In the dark We'll dream about the sun In the dark We'll feel the light Warm our hearts everyone If we hold on together I know our dreams Will never die Dreams see us through To forever As high as souls can fly The clouds roll by For you and I
Freak, this is the second breakdown I'm having in a matter of 4 days. Screw this. Why can't my brain register anything? So many questions I'm doing are either wrong or I've no idea how to do them. FML. Every freaking step just seems to be getting harder. What's the point of fighting anyway? There doesn't really seem to be any hope in this battle at all. I'm seriously really really tired of crying, of trying. I really really wish there was something that could boost my morale for work. I hate my life
I really wish I could just sleep without any worries, and just sleep there
I'm probably one of the world's greatest fools. I don't really know how to say this at all, it's just one big mess in my head. Don't even know why it ended up like that. I guess there are so many similarities I see in various situations and people. Yet, the result, or even the process is always different. And the screwed up ones always end up looking for me. The same thing can be done, if not more, but everything's the opposite of what others seem to get. And it just builds up, over and over again. Maybe this is a really selfish thought, I dunno. It probably is, and anyone who sees this will probably just feel like punching me or something. The best part of all this? It was a completely free-willed thing, and I made the various choices personally. So technically, I don't have a right to complain at all right? In conclusion, I'm a stupid fool. Just go screw yourself bryan. To put it more crudely, just FOAD thanks. The end
Promise me you'll never feel afraid, cause I know you'll find your own way when I'm not with you tonight
Okay simple most direct way to describe myself today. I was freaking tired. Slept at like 11:40pm, which is like earlier than usual but still felt damn tired the whole day wtc -.- Soccer for PE today, played a 25 VS 27 match. Nigel scored two epic opening goals hahaha. Quite a fun game. Burned out during part of the double lectures today zzzz.... Retarded lah. Then Principal's contact was a motivational talk/nutritional advice from Mrs Cheng, quite interesting lol. At least I didn't get screwed in the mind again. Some NTU engineering showcase in the library, then SGC briefing. I guess I really appreciate what our Secondary school teachers did last time, cause they were the ones who wrote most of the comments for the cert last time. And I was even luckier cause Mr Thomas was my form teacher as well as a NP teacher. So yeah, now have to do quite a number of things ourselves. Floorballholic was a little messy when it started just now, due to multiple problems and stuff. Oh well, like I told J, good learning experience for the guys i guess, hope the next few days things will go more smoothly! Jia you people! (: Went for Econs tuition with Eugene just now, freaking tired. And wth last minute come tell me there's Physics tuition tomorrow -.- SIAN. Still have some overdue homework to do but I'm so freaking tired that I can't do anything D: SIAN LAH
One of the best things to hope for now, if it's not greater wisdom, then it'll be an unlimited energy source for ourselves. So I can keep on going without having to keep on getting slowed own by my own fatigue. Damn lazy to do the reflections and stuff I initially intended to do. Oh well. Besides that, generally a bit happier today at least (:
The last song The Rev wrote and stuff before he died. A purely piano song for the melody portion (I think). Lyrics are pretty well sad, but they do have a pretty deep meaning I guess
Fiction -- Avenged Sevenfold
Now I think I understand, how this world can overcome a man Like a friend we saw it through, in the end I gave my life for you
Gave you all I had to give, found a place for me to rest my head While I may be hard to find, heard there's peace just on the other side
Not that I could, or that I would, let it burn, under my skin, let it burn
Left this life to set me free, took a piece of you inside of me All this hurt can finally fade, promise me you'll never feel afraid
Not that I could, or that I would, let it burn, under my skin, let it burn
I hope its worth it, here on the highway, yeah I know you'll find your own way when I'm not with you
So tell everybody, the ones who walk beside me, yeah I hope you find your own way when I'm not with you tonight
I hope it's worth it, what's left behind me, yeah I know you'll find your own way when I'm not with you
So tell everybody, the ones who walk beside me, yeah I know you'll find your own way when I'm not with you tonight
Okay haven't updated for quite a while. Last Thursday, nothing really much. Most epic thing was pe I think. The guys played soccer for like 2.5 hours since it was our last period, and there was no consolidation lecture whatsoever. Played until super cui. Stayed back a bit then played a bit of floorball with the juniors at the hockey d. Friday was National Day Celebrations. Okay well for the parade wise shan't comment, details were already discussed with a few people lol. After NDC went back to CHS, but couldn't get my Friends of CHS stuff cause speech day was still on, don't think I would have been able to carry it around anyway. Went for lunch with 09SH28 people. Okay kidding that class doesn't exist but it comprises of the guys from 27 and 25 lol. Lunch at Cathay's Astons, followed by Despicable Me! Quite an entertaining show, really laughed a lot. Of course there were touching parts towards the end. Wanted to go play lan somewhere but everywhere we went was full, so couldn't do anything in the end. Went for dinner with my family at some spanish restaurant near Forum to celebrate my Mum's birthday. Epic thing about the place, halfway through dinner they started playing music and began smashing plates and stuff on the floor. It was apparently some ritual to commemorate anniversaries and stuff, but the restaurant employees did it almost every night lol. They even handed out plates for diners to throw, saying it was for 'good luck' lol. Didn't really dare to throw it at first but eventually did lol
Saturday, went for tuition then realised I attended the lesson before -.- So left early then went to Tampines earlier to grab a proper bite. Played at Springsfield again with the seniors, this time with Joe, Wei Chen, Shi Min, Zhu Er, Valerie and Samantha playing. Too bad Joanne couldn't go in the end. Initially, got owned flat by the 2 lines of Argonauts players. Didn't really have a chance to touch the ball. And what a surprise (note sarcasm), met an old nemesis on court. Yes a very strong term to use, but to see that person on the Argo team really made me very mad. Went on a mad chionging frenzy for a bit while playing till Yong Le calmed me down. Thanks dude. Guess I got overwhelmed by my own emotions again.. Was damn suay, had 3 injuries on the same side, my left.. Got cut on the knuckle somewhere, then some guy elbowed by forearm quite hard, leaving in aching for like 2 days. Last one was the most fml. Tripped over a stick that dropped on the ground, fell and burned my left hand around the wrist area. Some blister developed and burst halfway during the game later -.- Wah sian.. Had a hard time playing after that man. Overall, still a good game. Probably the last match I would be playing till after A's. Had dinner at the interchange food court before going home. Sunday went to study with Wei Shian, Zhao Ming and Siyun, left halfway for Chem tuition, then went back. Nothing really much about it. Had a nice talk with Wei Shian over dinner, something we hadn't really gotten to do for some time.
Monday was National Day. Happy Birthday to my dear god Grandma (: Happy Birthday to Singapore too! Woke up late, like at 1pm -.- Did some work then met my squadmates at Yishun for basketball. Usual stuff, played, dinner then 1 hour of Dota lol... Heard the National Day parade was pretty good this year, half regret not watching it on tv ._. Today, went for some SPF preview thingy with You'en, Joshua and Darrell. Went to SOC to see how some of the things were carried out, followed by a visit to Coast Guard. Lastly, we went to Resorts World Sentosa for lunch with the Commissioner of Police and a few other officers. Quite an interesting talk. Okay next part quite epic. Had a tour of Universal Studios, getting introduced about some of their emergency and safety features and stuff. We even got to ride on the Revenge of the Mummy attraction, which was some roller coaster ride. Quite cool lol. Stoned at Vivo a bit before we split.
Eugene called me a few days ago. Apparently he wasn't doing so well in army, cause yeah he was saying like how some people could be so selfish and superficial and stuff, cause some people there were like that, being very self centred and stuff. Guess it affected him a lot. Think he had a bit of trouble fitting in also and stuff. Couldn't help but felt worried for him :/ Yeah, some idiot just needs to say something about it, and I start feeling as though someone slapped me across the face, not the angry reaction, but the kind of when I was younger, damn sad. Last Thursday someone had to make some comment, some joker did something previously mentioned, and Sunday just received another attempt of 'interrogation'. Well I can't exactly tell the whole world everything right? Have no idea how in the world did like well every other person know about stuff. Whatever. To keep people safe, I guess it's best that no one sees anything, or not much perhaps. Just so you know, I'll always be here for you. Yeah and You'en they all started talking about some scholarship applications stuff here and there. Made me start thinking all these things. Right now I can't even dream to get decent grades, what more scholarships or whatever fancy stuff that I could dream of? Yeah I know I need to work for it now and do my best. But well, people are already getting all these invitations and stuff. Maybe I'm kind of setting too high a dream for me to reach. I think I've been doing that too much, hence disappointment always seems to be looking for me -.-
Okay very very tired at the moment for some reason, typed this whole post out in a rush, so I think it lacks quite a bit life to it. Too tired to eat dinner wth -.- Freak, school tomorrow. And there's an organic chem test during lecture. SIAN. Okay, better sleep properly tonight, don't fall sick. 91 days
Was shown this a few days ago by JL. Hopefully you'll be able to find scores for this soon! Then can play lol. Maybe one of the other things I wanna do after A's is to try playing all my favourite songs on the piano again, like really try out many different songs. This one sounds really nice, the lyrics of the original are pretty ingenious I must say. A piano cover of Solo by Iyaz
I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here
Okay, main thing today (and first thing as well for the day) was the talk by the Dean of the senior high, Miss Chua. It was a part lecture and mostly motivational speech for us to improve on our grades. The talk lasted a mere hour, but nonetheless it did make an impact, for myself at least. It made me reflect a lot again, how much do I want to score those grades? What kind of revision and preparations have I made? Did I put in enough effort? Did I revise sufficiently, thoroughly? The hunger for knowledge, to understand, to know how to apply concepts, that's one thing I need to keep in mind too. Seriously what have I been doing all this time? Left SR3 with mixed emotions, didn't really feel like going for GP but still went. It's a mixture of well, a bit of motivation to keep going and improve, but yet sadness and well ironically felt a bit demoralised at the same time. I guess I stated the reasons before in previous posts. Enough said. I'll just keep trying.
Played basketball for PE again, since there was lightning alert and no lesson by right. Well if our plans go right, maybe we can have a 09SH25 and 09SH27 chalet combined together. The relationship between the guys is seriously damn cool haha. Burned out during Chem lecture, which was in the hall today since there was leadership symposium I think. Freaking missed what was covered for ionic equilibria, and Mrs Chiew was the lecturer. Sorry :/ Had consultation with Mrs Low with Nigel and Panyu. Managed to clear some concepts at least. Watched the NDC rehearsal with You'en, Edmund, Wei Shian, Jian Zhong and Darrell. Miss marching in a parade and stuff. Memories again. Side note, let's keep going guys, we'll be there for each other, no matter what shit comes our way. Let's keep going on till the end. 97 days
Oh yeah, Mr Yong informed us that we got the Friends of CHS award. Nice, too bad cannot be present during speech day on Friday. After celebrations shall go get it I guess. Note to self: Get more sleep tonight. Okay a bit of a spoiler, but heard this during the rehearsal today. Reminded me about the song. Quite nice for the tune, thought the lyrics are a tad depressing lol. Still, it's full of meaning. Yeah I'm on my way to believing
The Only Exception -- Paramore
When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry And curse at the wind He broke his own heart and I watched As he tried to reassemble it And my momma swore that She would never let herself forget And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist But darling, you are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul That love never lasts And we've got to find other ways to make it alone Or keep a straight face And I've always lived like this Keeping a comfortable distance And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk But you are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception I've got a tight grip on reality But I can't let go of what's in front of me here I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception You are the only exception And I'm on my way to believing Oh, and I'm on my way to believing
The stars in the night, they lend me their light to bring me closer to heaven with you
Ah what the crap, damn tired now ._. No idea how I survive seriously. Slept at 4am on Sunday night cause I was doing some essay and mainly my GP file -.- Told myself to sleep earlier yesterday then ended up sleeping at 130am -.- Idiot lah, I need to sleep. Okay on a brighter note, I finally managed to finished Hypothesis Testing tutorial! Finished up some overdue Physics stuff in the library just now so I'm on the way to catching up and clearing stuff! (: Okay GP for monday thankfully we didnt get killed by Miss Kaur cause she called up group by group to check our content research materials. First 2 groups got scolded quite badly... Okay almost died for tuition and needed a coffee very badly. Slept while leaning on something while on the train towards City Hall. Then my knee suddenly buckled and I fell. Freaking embarrassing can -.- Luckily I think only Eugene and the most a few people saw lol. And I knocked put during Chem today. Idiot -.-
Was talking to a classmate today after school. Then yeah basically he was having some problems thast cropped up again. Funnily enough, whatever he seemed to have told me, I had been feeling almost the exact same things just like a week ago. And I still feel them now, though I don't think I really show it. And yeah, so I guess we shared our thoughts and stuff. I just hope whatever I told him could help him. Dunno if it even works for myself -.- One point that I thought about but was never really able to materialise into words. Some memories that we have are treasured, this would probably include stuff that we have to associate with those memories. If things go different ways, will those memories become painful ones instead? I remember it took like what 4 months last year before I could even talk to someone? Even then now it's like so so, or at least that's how I see it. No matter how much it destroys you inside, sometimes we just got to show that nothing's wrong right? I mean, simply put, what else can we do? At the very least, I think I managed to talk him out of making an rash moves he might have wanted to make in the rush of his dunno what you call it. Yeah the feelings sound so familiar. Hope you'll remember some of the things I told ya and just hope for the best yeah (:
Okay random note, really like So Far Away. Listen to it in the mornings when I go to school nowadays. The literary device used for the chorus for the time turning the book part is awesome. Like the song describes, some things will stay alive in something so conceptual, something simply called memory. Thought about this cause there are so many things that bring back various memories, even stuff on my table. Oh and some idiot just had to make things awkward just now. Thanks ah, bloody crap -.-
I'm pretty disgusted with myself for being unable to apply concepts, especially for Econs. Stupid idiot -.- Can go fail already lah fool.
"What do we do when something is broken?" ,"Use glue and fix it lah!" Lol, yeah if only...
Another inspiring song, for those who aren't familiar with it, this was performed by the external band Good Friday during Rock Night. A song that can be applied to various situations and not just the seperation from family due to war I guess?
Gunslinger -- Avenged Sevenfold
Yeah, you've been alone I've been gone for far too long But with all that we've been through After all this time I'm coming home to you
Never let it show The pain I've grown to know Cause with all these things we do It don't matter when I'm coming home to you I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes My heart's always with you now I won't question why so many have died My prayers have made it through yeah Cause with all these things we do It don't matter when I'm coming home to you
Letters keep me warm Helped me through the storm But with all that we've been through After all this time I'm coming home to you I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes My heart's always with you now I won't question why so many have died My prayers have made it through yeah Cause with all these things we do After all this time I'm coming home to you
I've always been true I've waited so long just to come hold you I'm making it through It's been far too long, we've proven our love over time's so strong, in all that we do The stars in the night, they lend me their light to bring me closer to heaven with you But with all that we've been through After all this time I'm coming home to you I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes My heart's always with you now I won't question why so many have died My prayers have made it through yeah
Cause with all these things we do It don't matter when I'm coming home to you And with all that we've been through After all this time I'm coming home to you
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned, place and time always on my mind. I have so much to say but you’re so far away
Damn, still awake at this time. I know people have been telling me to sleep earlier. Yeah, but I guess there are just too many things to do. Not that I did much, did like half the econs essays for tuition, trying to finish up my file plus do up content stuff for GP, due like later zzzz.. I dunno I'm just too intimidated by my pile of work I guess. I'm slowing down already zzz.. Talked to Lao Lew just now, we gotta keep pushing ourselves man. Musn't give up. Nothing much today, except trying to do work. Dinner at Sushi Tei and stuff, thanks dad. Received a call from Eugene, well he's doing so so at Tekong I guess, shall wait for him to book out to meet up (:
Heard some stuff last week, I dunno how true the stories are, heard different perspectives from different people. Whatever the case, I'm a little disappointed. With you, I was honestly a bit taken aback by what I heard, about your actions and stuff. I just hope you'll realise it sooner and come back around. Yeah I know I don't know the whole picture yet, but you have a duty to fufill and this isn't exactly a way to do it. You were proud of it weren't you? So live up to what you want that title to be. To you, the information I'm getting isn't very heartening, hope what will be done will be done, so you'll come back too. And lastly to you, I was really disappointed about your choice of actions. I can speculate a reason, but I shan't imagine too much, but if that really was the reason, why did you let it carry on and worsen? When the others seemed to be able to turn it around? I dunno, I felt you had a great deal of potential to go far. It kinda saddens me to see people like that. And yeah for you, I respect your decision, whatever that makes you happy I guess
Yesterday's game made me think of something. If your greatest assest could no longer be used, or not longer be relevant, won't that render you useless? For example in floorball, I think one of my assests are like running for the ball and stuff. If like yesterday I was too tired and stuff, won't that make me of no use too? Applying this to a few other things. I wonder.. Need to either gain more skills or upgrade I guess lol
I think what I really need right now is just time to finish up all my work. I actually contemplated skipping school later :/ But that isn't the right thing to do. I think life really likes to put my mental, emotional, physical and whatever aspects you can think of to the limit. 2 years ago experienced one, these 2 years were full of them. And now, it's demanding the greatest I've ever encountered, and it ain't just from one mere aspect. Rocks man. We gotta keep going. I really need to be strong(Said this so many times already but have I really been able to fufill it?) As of this date 2nd August, it's 99 days. If someone were to ask me to describe my mood now, I honestly won't know what to say, it's just mixed.
Avenged Sevenfold's newest album Nightmare sounds really awesome. Their sound has kinda changed a bit, like this album has quite a mix of genres? Dunno but quite a number of their songs are more toned down compared to the past I think? But it's still a great album! Discovered this song today, sounds like a tribute to the Rev. Great song lyrically and in terms of tune. Couldn't find it on Youtube yet, so found the next best option lol. Songs that you seem to be able to relate to are damn nice! Quite a sad and meaningful song for this one
So Far Away -- Avenged Sevenfold
Never feared for anything Never shamed but never free A life that healed a broken heart With all that it could
Lived a life so endlessly Saw beyond what others see I tried to heal your broken heart With all that I could Will you stay? Will you stay away forever?
How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned Place and time always on my mind I have so much to say but you’re so far away Plans of what our futures hold Foolish lies of growing old It seems we’re so invincible But the truth is so cold
A final song, a last request A perfect chapter laid to rest Now and then I try to find A place in my mind Where you can stay You can stay awake forever
How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned Place and time always on my mind I have so much to say but you’re so far away
Sleep tight, I'm not afraid (not afraid) The ones that we love are here with me Lay away a place for me 'Cause as soon as I'm done I'll be on my way (on my way) To live eternally
How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned Place and time always on my mind And the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay When I have so much to say and you're so far away
I love you, you were ready, the pain is strong enough despite But I see you when it lets me Your pain is gone, your hands untied So far away and I need you to know So far away And I need you to, need you to know
