And I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart
I don't really know what to say. Perhaps first things first, the matter was cleared up today. I agree with Wei Shian, that no matter what happens, we really still should stick to what are values are. I guess in times of desperation, I got caught up in stuff that I forgot who I was supposed to be. Lessons learnt from this, an important one. Did work in school with KB, Eugene, Yong Le, Jun Wee and Jing Han. Shifted from library to CA3 to the canteen, cause we got chased out due to the respective place having to be locked up. Ordered pizza for dinner lol.They always say, the best medicine is always bitter. I guess it's the kind of situations I'm in, and the things that I've been exposed to that have had influence on me. And I'm not just talking about stuff that's happened in this phase, but from previous things as well. I guess I'm the type who really needs encouragement and stuff, and I'm only able to take harsh treatments and stuff when my mind is in the strong mental state. Having an already low self esteem and stuff from the start, when I'm really vulnerable, that simply just destroys my morale and spirit, so much so that it screws me up. Yeah call me weak, and well I dunno what you would call me and stuff. I thought about reasons why this might be so, but they're mere theories. And I should by right be improving myself. I've been a total idiot in being unable to see what some might have been trying to do for me, until I got enlightened just now. Now, I'm seeing things on their surface value, maybe cause I'm sick of trying to go too deep into analysing it, or maybe I'm just too tired, or maybe I'm just screwed up. I guess I always get some of the most screwed up of things on my plate.. My mind always seems to be swimming when such things are brought up :/ Not everything that's good comes in nicely wrapped packages for you. You need to open them up and know how to use what's wrapped inside ain't it? I stop at Step 1 many a times. Grow with this and learn Steps 2 and 3 properly too. It's pretty harsh on myself, but it's what I need to improve I feel. Sharpen your tools and build your arsenal up, like they say you can't fight a war with a broken blade, or an empty magazine. Move along with this, and climb this steep ladder. Today is just one of those soul searching days. At the very least, the study session today made me a lot more comfortable and it was at the very least decently productive. I really treasure time that I can use for self study nowadays. And thanks loads Wei Shian (:
I had a short chat with Mrs Chiew in the canteen after lectures and the stuff we had to do. After she left, I almost wanted to cry right there in the canteen.. I'll try to do you proud this time. I can't go down yet can I? Come on
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been -- Relient K
I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...
'Cause I don't want you to know where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.
Stop right there.
That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line.
Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there.
Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been
I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.
I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.
And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.
Stop right there.
That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line.
Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there.
Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'Cause who I've been only ever made me...
So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been
mentally challenged @ 11:59 PM
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