Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Okay, CTs are finally over!!! For most of us at least. For today, I actually might have a chance to pass Chem this time, hope I really do! Overall, I predict that my results for CTs will be horrible. Let's just see how bad they'll be I guess? After the paper, went to eat at Astons with the class guys (most of us anyway), then we went to beauty world there to play Lan. I think we played for like almost 5 hours plus omg. Can't play Dota or anything related to it still. Too bad couldn't play L4D. Dinner at the food centre nearby.
Okay now most importantly need to slowly pay back the sleep debt that I've incurred over these past few days. Grand total of less than 9 hours I think? -.- Okay shall sleep! Activities for tomorrow! Most probably movie with class people and floorball at Valhall! Nice!
Was doing some random facebook note just now and encountered this song while doing the shuffle thingy. It's a cover, originally by The Pretenders. A song for when you're in the mood/need for slow and inspirational(?) tunes lol
I'll Stand By You -- Carrie Underwood
Oh why you look so sad The tears are in your eyes Come on and come to me now Don’t be ashamed to cry Let me see you through Cause I’ve seen the dark side too When the night falls on you You don't know what to do Nothing you confess Could make me love you less
I’ll stand by you I’ll stand by you Won’t let nobody hurt you I’ll stand by you
So if you're mad get mad Don’t hold it all inside Come on and talk to me now Hey, what you got to hide I get angry too Well I’m a lot like you When you're standing at the crossroads And don't know which path to choose Let me come along Cause even if you're wrong
I’ll stand by you I’ll stand by you Won’t let nobody hurt you I’ll stand by you Take me in into your darkest hour And I’ll never desert you I’ll stand by you And when, when the night falls on you, baby You feeling all alone You won't be on your own
I’ll stand by you I’ll stand by you Won’t let nobody hurt you I’ll stand by you Take me in into your darkest hour And I’ll never desert you I’ll stand by you Oh I’ll stand by you I’ll stand by you
Music can really be therapeutic (: Helps you to cool down and think logically at the very least. Of course the songs choice matters lol. Sad mood then play sad songs then there'll be a resonance of emoing. Omg physics -.- Anyway I realised there's too much I lack for Chem now. Later go anyhow whack already. Learn from it. Last one! Jia you people! I'm damn lag, but quickly recover soon!!
Just woke up, feel like crap, don't feel like studying. I'm sorry blog for you having to take all my crap. I just feel like shit now. Hate chest pains. Hate headaches. I hate ulcers too, cause they make me feel very dehydrated and my lip's kinda swollen.. Hope you're doing ok. I really don't feel like studying for Chem now. My mind's a blank
Seeing how things are, I really just want to cry already ):
Feel like crap now ._. Physics was so so. Paper 2 was pressed for time, plus I got confused for the electric and gravitational potential stuff.. Paper 3 was more manageable. Math sucked. Screwed up a lot of questions and struggled through the first half of the paper cause they were all the stats stuff, which I'm really not confident at all with. I mean I just got taught/enlightened on normal distributions last Saturday and sampling theory like yesterday -.- Chionged vectors last week and I still couldn't do the stupid question today, cause the subject I was trying to solve got cancelled out wtf -.- Thought I could still do decently for Math at least. Too bad. Sucky feeling. Chem tomorrow. Guranteed fail cause for one, didn't work on it as much as the other 2 subjects. Could say I hardly did anything for it. Slept a total of less than 7 hours for the past 2 nights. Hate it when you're tired, you know you need to sleep but you end up tossing in bed for half an hour or longer -.- Damn tired. Guess I shall go sleep a bit before I try to save myself for Chem later on. 1 more day, gotta endure and hope my brain and body can last for just a bit more. Don't crash and burn. Don't expect any results from these CTs from me
Dammit I think I'm going nuts already. And I don't think I'll pull a stunt like what I did again last night. Did Vectors till like 4:30am wth -.- Tired like crap zzz.. Went to my grandparents' house for lunch. Luckily I decided to go in the end (cause I was damn tired). Had wanton mee! Aweseome stuff man. Met Jon and we went down to VJ. Studied there (Yeah crazy idea lol, not my suggestion haha) Germany VS England is currently going on. My brother and dad are watching it online lol. Very interesting first half, for the part that I saw haha. Okay I shall go back to Physics. Hope I can survive these 3 days, for the sake of my after CT plans (eg. FB) lol. Okay let's do this, jia you! All the best for CTs everyone! (:
And if I fall and crash and burn, at least we both know that I tried
Okay, finally back home. Argh I think I'm going crazy already ._. Anyway, Friday went to library again. I bumped into Manfred!!! Catch up with you again soon man! Reached there then we went to visit Gabriel Chin in hospital. He got viral infection or something. Was discharged later in the day. Recover soon Chin! Nigel, You'en, Wei Shian and myself went back to the library. Had lunch at the cafe there, there's the student promotion meal thingy. The chicken leg is damn good!! The item that has the greatest worth among those available for that promotion thingy haha. Went back to work. Did integration I think.. Bumped into Jon. Stayed till 9pm lol. We were the last ones in the library haha. Had dinner at Long John's with Shian and Nigel. Saw Lillian in Mos haha. Took 52 with Shian then went home. Saw Bishan gay again lol. Bumped into Bharat on the bus.
Today, woke up a bit later.. Went to the library again lol. Did work with Jia Yong and Jonathan. For the 6th day in a row I met Jia Yong and Shu Yi haha. Chionged vectors and I swear I'm going crazy already man wtf. Jon taught me Normal Distribution over dinner. Thanks so much man! Eugene's last day on the job haha. And we had dinner there omg. Crap man, chionging like crazy these few days. I think I did more work these 6 days than my previous 3 weeks combined together haha. Rushing whatever rubbish I can to survive at the moment. I think I'm really going to leave Chem to die man. Shall focus more on Physics and Math now. Chem after CTs. Consistency will be my aim. Endure!
Dreams are something that we always have. More often than not, we always fall short of what we originally intended. Each of us have our own aspirations. And with them we would work hard and put in our best efforts to hit our target. Two years ago, my greatest dream from Sec 1, the rank of SI. Was this close to getting it. The circumstances were damn weird also, people from 29th would know. One the greatest disappointments of my life. I dreamt of wielding the ceremonial sword in a parade, have yet to experience it. FB, I wanted to bring the team and CCA to greater heights, bring us to the Top 4. These are just some examples. Each one of those dreams were never reached. I admit it did take a while to get over them. Especially the first one. Now that they are the past, what do we want to do about it? As they say, at times the result isn't always what matters, it's the process that does. Now that you've been there, you've experienced it, the loss, the ups and downs. Can you do something with those experiences? Use what you've gone through, to help, to guide, to advise those who might go through similar paths as yourself. I think this has helped me a bit, at the very least. As a CI, as a former captain, as a friend. I hope I'll be able to help those whom I can help when the need arises. Then for ourselves. Experience can serve as a guide, or as a reminder and help ourselves to go to greater heights. Yes we will have regrets, regrets that might not even be able to be shaken off or forgotten now matter what. But yeah, we can convert them into something else. A source of strength to go for something new, something greater (:
"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true." - Woodrow Wilson
Ahh omg I also have no idea how come I suddenly started talking about this. Not sure how to put it in words and I think I might have spluttered a bit of crap. Oh well, I shall try my best to fight for my own dreams too I guess.. I'm really really scared for next week ._. My parents and brother went to watch Toy Story 3 just now. Didn't go cause I needed to rush work :/ They said it was nice too! Damn I really want to watch it after CTs! And Hilary is sick D: Get well soon!!! Tired out already from these few days. Jia you!! (:
"有你陪着我就可以走到天涯的尽头" Nice lyrics. Yes Rui Jie it's from your status haha. Anyway here's a song from Lifehouse's new album. Their songs are damnnn nice!!!
Crash & Burn -- Lifehouse
All these nights are catching up to me I just can't put insomnia to sleep I close my eyes but all that I can see Is someone who I'm never gonna be I hope that you can bring me back I gotta make it right And if I fall and crash and burn At least we both know that I tried And as I crawl there's lessons learned Yeah, they remind me I survived Silence just keeps screaming back at me The ones I love are lost in memories And I wish that I could take back what was done You can only change the person you become I have to try and find a way To leave it all behind And if I fall and crash and burn At least we both know that I tried And as I crawl there's lessons learned Yeah, they remind me I survived And I've been hurt, and I've been scarred At least I know that I'm alive And If I fall and crash and burn At least we both know that I tried All of the things I tried to say All of the words just got in the way I'm waiting here, I need your help Don't leave me down here all by my self And if I fall and crash and burn At least we both know that I tried And as I crawl there's lessons learned Yeah, they remind me I survived And I've been hurt, and I've been scarred At least I know that I'm alive And If I fall and crash and burn At least we both know that I tried
I feel like blogging. But just can't for some reason. I think my mind's tired out already. Like damn cui ._. There's now a sense of foreboding. Maybe there's more than one thing that'll go wrong in the coming week. I don't think this is pessimism. Past experience tells me things never go right when it comes to something important.
What does it feel like, to go into a battle, knowing that the most probable outcome (and maybe the only outcome) will not be to your favour at all? Now how many times has this happened already I wonder..
I guess I shall go sleep. Last 2 days, gotta salvage what I can
Let's shout out loud and clear, do you fight it to the end?
Woke up late again today.. Very nice, my Chem is now screwed. Tried to do some Organic Chem just now in the library but couldn't do it for nuts. Great. I'm so ready for next week. Guess I'm in for another complete disappointment, again.. Not doing so well for Physics and Math either. Can't recall stuff even after having gone through them like recently.. Seriously at this rate, I might as well go retain myself and start over as a J1.. There are things I want to do after CTs, and if I do horribly, I won't be able to do nuts. Who likes scoring badly in tests continuously anyway?? Wtf man. This sucks
Welcome to The Black Parade -- My Chemical Romance
When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band He said, "Son, when you grow up Would you be the saviour of the broken The beaten and the damned??"
He said, "Will you defeat them Your demons and all the non-believers The plans that they have made? Because one day, I'll leave you A phantom to lead you in the summer To join the Black Parade"
Sometimes I get the feeling She's watching over me And other times I feel like I should go And through it all, the rise and fall The bodies in the streets And when you're gone we want you all to know
We'll carry on, we'll carry on And though you're dead and gone, believe me Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on And in my heart, I can't contain it The anthem won't explain it
And while that sends you reeling From decimated dreams Your misery and hate will kill us all So paint it black and take it back Let's shout out loud and clear Do you fight it to the end?
We hear the call to carry on, we'll carry on And though you're dead and gone, believe me Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on And though you're broken and defeated You're weary widow marches
On and on we carry through the fears Disappointed faces of your peers Take a look at me 'Cause I could not care at all
Do or die, you'll never make me Because the world will never take my heart Though you try, you'll never break me We want it all, we wanna play this part
Won't explain or say I'm sorry I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar Give a cheer for all the broken Listen here, because it's only
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero Just a boy who wanna sing his song Just a man, I'm not a hero I don't care!
We'll carry on, we'll carry on And though you're dead and gone, believe me Your memory will carry on, you'll carry on And though you're broken and defeated You're weary widow marches on
Do or die, you'll never make me Because the world will never take my heart Though you try, you'll never break me We want it all, we wanna play this part(We'll carry on) Do or die, you'll never make me Because the world will never take my heart Though you try, you'll never break me We want it all, we wanna play this part(We'll carry on)
Waist deep in thought, because when I think of you, I don't feel so alone
Day 3 of the more intense sudying week. Woke up quite late today ._. Had 3 phone calls, multiple snoozing of my alarm over 3 hours, woke up at about 12pm omg. Went to Bishan library again. Met Nigel, Wei Shian and You'en. I met Jia Yong and Shu Yi again haha. 3 days in a row and counting. Bumped into Chun Keet aka Iceman and Guo Jie at the library, went for lunch with them and had fun talking cock haha. Haven't talked to them properly for some time (: Did work. Ended up doing Physics again lol. It was pretty cold in the afternoon. Thankful for my jacket! Still not confident for next week zzz. Must freaking start Chem tomorrow already!! Stayed till about 8pm. Then for the third day in a row also, bumped into the area peeps again, this time at Macs haha. Talked again, trying all the lame brain teasers on each other, at least for our table lol. Thanks Sms for the ride home again!
Okay once again, update on work. Been doing mostly Physics. Hopefully can try and do some Maths later, need to refer to solutions for stuff now -.- Argh, didn't touch my floorball sticks for one week. Thought I'd try playing a bit just now and I regretted it immediately. 30 seconds, and my wrist hurts like crap now ._. Guess I haven't exactly recovered yet.. How to play floorball like that in future!! D: England is through to the next round! Haven't been following the World Cup as much but I saw the last part of their match just now. At least they played much better than the previous matches. Hope they'll do well in the next round!
Random thoughts. First, I guess I'm the type of person who's quite comfortable with structure. It seemed that for quite a number of the things I've been doing, I prefer it to be with a certain amount of structure in the way things are done (not too much of course). Same can be said for how I learn I guess? Simple explanation questions I don't like explaining things in my own words -.- Next, personally a lot of things I do are based on personal experience. Perhaps the mindset or how I might carry out the task whatsoever, would always be with reference to something from the past, perhaps changed and tweaked a bit. So in this case, if I've no experience in a particular field means that would make me nearly useless for quite a bit until I learn how lol. I guess for quite a number of people it might be the same too? Hence as such, if I've no prior experience in say some particular situation, if I had a bad experience before, would that then shape how I might think or act should I face similar situations in future? This question came to my mind cause I guess that could be said for some of the things in my life right now lol.
It's been a while since I felt a fire like this. And this ain't anger I'm talking about. Unable to provide proper words to describe it but yeah, I guess it has something to do with meeting the area peeps and stuff. Maybe passion? A little quote I was reminded of just now: Practice what you preach. Simple phrase, yet I feel it holds great importance for us, especially should any of us take up any positions of some sort. Even in our daily lives, it can be applied. Simply by sticking to what you say about something. First heard this from my squad leader Daryl Chan I think haha. And yeah, there a lot of things that are own my mind. Ranging from a whole lot of different things. But well, having a blog means that we need to be partially responsible for it's content too I guess. Some people, as we've heard (or maybe even seen) fail to realise that, hence the consequences (for some). Sure it's your own place to speak your mind, but we gotta learn how to filter stuff right? That's just my opinion anyway. Hence learn the art of subtle messages and meanings LOL! Anyway last part, in relation to some other things encountered. Let's reflect on ourselves, on the people we've become, on the roles that we play, on the actions we do. Sometimes, there isn't a set rule whatsoever for things, however I quote Mr Goh Yong Hang: "Touch your heart and ask yourself what's right". This is really a moral issue I guess lol. Maybe there isn't a right or wrong answer in certain cases
Can't wait for next week, for some reasons. One, so that I can reorganise everything and do consistent work and get back on track for A's. Another is maybe floorball? I'm also considering going for ATC lol o.o Ice cream too hopefully? Haha let's see how things go I guess (: Trying to tune my mind and focus on work at the moment. And it feels nice to catch up with people whom you haven't seen or heard from for some time (:
There's a difference between doing the right thing, and doing things right. When do you do which? Points to ponder
Vanilla Twilight -- Owl City
The stars lean down to kiss you, And I lie awake I miss you. Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere. 'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly, But I'll miss your arms around me. I'd send a postcard to you dear, 'Cause I wish you were here. I watch the night turn light blue. But it's not the same without you, Because it takes two to whisper quietly, The silence isn't so bad, Till I look at my hands and feel sad, 'Cause the spaces between my fingers Are right where yours fit perfectly. I'll find repose in new ways, Though I haven't slept in two days, 'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone. But drenched in Vanilla twilight, I'll sit on the front porch all night, Waist deep in thought because when I think of you. I don't feel so alone. I don't feel so alone. I don't feel so alone. As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight. I'll think of you tonight. When violet eyes get brighter, And heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again. And I'll forget the world that I knew, But I swear I won't forget you, Oh if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear, Oh darling I wish you were here.
Pretty long day today. Got up early and went down to KCP, objective was simply to talk to the NCOs about stuff. Hope what had been said had been absorbed :/ For RJ and Jack, if you guys read this, hope you'll remember what I told you guys too! Cause as CIs, we're improving and learning everyday too. Helped out a bit, stayed a bit longer than I initially intended haha. It was quite fufilling helping out and stuff (: Met You'en and Nigel at the library at around noon. Met Hilary too (: Did Physics again today. Took freaking long to do few of the components of the papers. Jaron joined us at about 2 plus. We gave up work at like 5 plus -.- Walked around, then met the area peeps for dinner. Had some discussions here and there. RJ got suanned like siao again haha. Poor guy lol.
Have been reflecting quite a bit since last night. Triggered by some discussions about well NP stuff. Reflections for myself I guess. And while I slept I actually had some flashbacks of D'08 investiture. Memories ): It's a bit hard to type down my exact reflections now, partially cause my mind's kind of stoned ._.
Studying status now: Screwed. My progress has been really slow for these 2 days. Whatever I studied seemed to be forgotten very easily -.- I think I should start on Chem tomorrow. Let's see what we can squeeze out man zzz.. And I really hope that I'm not going to fall ill!! Felt cold just now. And now I feel a little warm -.- Kinda tired also zzz. Guess I'll try to sleep earlier tonight, then can make studying more effective as well. Oh well. Shall try to keep my mood as light as possible then I can try to get all this rubbish done -_- Random thinking back. Should I even hope? Should I even expect anything good to happen in the end? Somehow things always go wrong when I hope too much -.- Sucks. Oh well random thought anyway.. Shaken faith, what's more?
Another interesting song. It's a Chinese song! I can play this on the piano! Meaningful lyrics (:
Need a second to breathe. Please don't give up, I'm working it out
Okay, just got home a while ago. Went to study at Bishan library with Wei Shian, You'en and Nigel today. Not bad, did quite a bit of physics (mainly thermal). At least got some work done lah. Had fun crapping during lunch lol. It sort of just dawned on me how much work there is to be done. And to think these 3 weeks I've been doing bits of work on and off -.- Totally regret now zzz. Have to chiong all 3 subjects. Chemistry(!!!), Physics (!!) and Math (!!) :/ 1 week. Met the area peeps just now. Today was Day 1 of our Area LMSC. Felt a tinge of nostalgia as I heard about how things went. Suddenly miss the times when we were taking cadets lol. Heard some crap and I was like wth -.- I'm not taking this lying down. Guess I have been ignorant of what has been happening in the unit for a while. I know I'm supposed to be focusing on my studies and stuff, but just can't really contain the, I dunno, disappointment I felt when I heard stuff? Let's see if anything can be done
Arghh, pressure's building up. I need to focus as much as I can to try my best to get whatever revision can be done. Hope my mind and body will cooperate for these 2 weeks haha. Hope I can keep everything in the back of my mind temporarily. I haven't even touched my floorball sticks since last Wednesday lol (partially due to my wrist but oh well lol) Going to study again tomorrow! Let's make it productive! You're always right here. Jia you! (:
Another one of my more favourite songs. Quite meaningful lyrics also (: Adam Lambert!
Whataya Want From Me -- Adam Lambert
Hey, slow it down What do you want from me What do you want from me Yeah, Im afraid What do you want from me What do you from me There might have been a time I would give myself away(Ooh) Once upon a time I didnt give a damn But now here we are So what do you want from me What do you want from me Just dont give up Im workin it out Please dont give in I wont let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, what do you want from me What do you want from me Yeah, its plain to see that baby youre beautiful And its nothing wrong with you Its me, I'm a freak but thanks for lovin me Cause youre doing it perfectly There might have been a time When I would let you step away I wouldnt even try but I think you could save my life Just dont give up I'm workin it out Please dont give in I wont let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, what do you want from me What do you want from me Just dont give up on me I wont let you down No, I wont let you down So Just dont give up Im workin it out Please dont give in I wont let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, what do you want from me Just dont give up Im workin it out Please dont give in I wont let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me) Whataya want from me Whataya want from me
Okay feel like blogging a bit lol. For the rest of the day I shall probably focus on Physics, try to grasp whatever I can. Doing nuclear at the moment. Hope I can improve to at least a C this time! Music shall be my partner for today haha. Discovered some really nice songs last night. Anyway, just a little reflection. Told myself before to always think rationally before making decisions or doing whatever things. Yesterday was one perfect example of myself totally losing my cool -.- Idiot. Small matters and stuff, but I had to think so much and start getting worked up over them. Told myself not to do this before and I fell right into my own trap that I told myself to avoid -.- Wei Shian told me that it's perfectly human to make such mistakes. Yeah it's true I guess. Yet I keep demanding a lot from myself, being unable to tolerate my own mistakes. I guess I have been trying to hard to demand perfection from myself. Maybe that's why I'm unhappy sometimes lol. Dunno. Whatever the case, I would like to apologize to anyone whom I might have affected or had to hear me out a bit. I'm sorry. Thanks for listening me out, it helped a lot (:
Finally finished the write up thingy that was overdue. Sorry for sending it late Warren! Anyway, didn't receive any notification, so I guess I didn't get through for the selection. Oh well, am disappointed no doubt. Hopefully some day I can fufill that little dream of mine. Now let's try to make a difference for CTs yeah. I'm aiming for everything to be a C at least? Or at least 1 grade improvement from my promo grades. 1 week to make a difference. Sine curve situations or not, I want to try and make the most of it. Let's go
Clifton introduced this song to me. We happened to sing it on Thursday and got reminded about it. There are a lot of awesome songs I wanna post here. One at a time I guess haha.
Only Love -- Trademark
2am and the rain is falling Here we are at the crossroads once again You're telling me you're so confused You can't make up your mind Is this meant to be You're asking me But only love can stay Try again or walk away But I believe for you and me The sun will shine one day So I just play my part Pray you'll have a change of heart But I can't make you see it through That's something only love can do In your arms as the dawn is breaking Face to face and a thousand miles apart I've tried my best to make you see There's hope beyond the pain If we give enough If we learn to trust But only love can stay Try again or walk away But I believe for you and me The sun will shine one day So I just play my part Pray you'll have a change of heart But I can't make you see it through That's something only love can do I know if I could find the words To touch you deep inside You'll give my dreams just one more chance To let this be our last goodbye But only love can stay Try again or walk away But I believe for you and me The sun will shine one day So I just play my part Pray you'll have a change of heart But I can't make you see it through That's something only love can do That's something only love can do
I guess happy times really don't last for very long :/ Zzzz... Woke up at like 7am today. Survived on like 3 hours of sleep ._. Met Nigel and Panyu at Macritchie, then we went over to the old folks home. Joined by You'en and Joshua. What we did for the morning, simply put was to wheel the old folks to Shunfu market where they had breakfast, before we brought them back. Nothing really much to do, but this short CIP session made me think a little. We went to J8 after that, talked a bit. Then left Nigel, Panyu and myself. We sat at Macs talking for a bit and watching this kid play Fifa World Cup or something on the PS3. Quite entertaining. Wei Shian came, then we went to the library to do work. Eugene knocked off from work then joined us for a bit. Dinner with family then home.
Okay, I think the lack of sleep affected me quite a bit. Shouldn't have eaten the chee cheong fun this morning at shunfu, forgot I didn't really like it that much then ended up feelings damn sick for quite a while ._. Then in the afternoon, some discussions and some other things kind of started building up inside, think it started from being unable to think properly and do complex or integration -.- Then somebody had to irritate me over a phone call then I kinda blew up a bit. Thanks Eugene for listening to me for a bit :/ Dunno, somehow ended up tearing while waiting for the mrt, hope nobody really saw ._. Feeling a bit feverish now, crap! When it freaking rains, it freaking pours -.- Argh, let things get right come on! ): Stay strong kid!
Okay today (Friday) was quite a nice day, for once. Woke up around noon and did some work. Then went to Yishun to meet the rest. Ken Foo told me at 2pm (the meet up time was 430pm) to leave the house if not later have to wait for me, ended up he was late hahaha. Played basketball at our usual place at Yishun. Half court and even full court games. Ken Foo really damn epic haha. Got knocked in the head and in the teeth but no matter lol. Damn tiring but had great fun. Felt damn good playing with my squadmates (: Dinner at Northpoint KFC before we had 1 hour of Counterstrike haha. 12 people today: Ken, Yibin, Louis, Clifton, Kah Hoe, Kian Boon, Wei Rong, Jun Wei, Ryan, Jason, Terence and myself. Look forward to another gathering after CTs! Thanks for today! Love you guys, 29th Batch! (:
It feels good to have one of these days like this. To clear all the things that have been bringing your mood down for a while (: I actually read some organic chem notes on the bus ride to Yishun and back hahaha.
Thought of some random analogy. Things will be tough on us throughout our journey. Nonetheless, we need to be resilient and stay strong. Just like a cactus in a desert. The weather conditions in a desert are harsh, not much life can be supported, yet this plant still grows in such places. Though things are different as people grow cacti domestically and stuff, but these are probably the origins of the plant I believe? Besides staying strong in it's harsh surroundings, it even adapted to its surroundings, hence it's needle like leaves. So we should be like the cactus, adapt to your surroundings and your situation. Overcome the difficult times and make the most of them. Cause life doesn't get easier, you get stronger to keep going. So let's be like our cacti (:
I think the analogy is quite retarded, but at least there's a point haha. Anyway Happy Birthday Dylan!! (18th June) Too bad we couldn't really celebrate it the usual style haha. Hope you managed to have a good day! And my dad's finally back from his trip to China!! (: He just came home like a few moments ago. Missed him greatly. Argh okay I should sleep soon, have CIP tomorrow morning (or later rather) and have to wake up at 630am ._. Oh yeah forgot to mention I lost like 25 bucks yesterday -.- Suay but well, at least today made up for it. Wish days like this could last, when I felt hopeful and a bit more cheerful (: Hope you'll stay happy too (:
Posting some vid of a dance group performing. Milissa showed this to me some time back I think. They are simply amazing! Damn awesome dance!! Hope you enjoy the vid (:
Okay time to update this place again. Last Sat didn't do much, mainly library with Wei Shian in the afternoon. Sunday, went for some tea thingy with my mum and brother, followed by library with Jon and dinner. Somehow we ended up talking about life and stuff again. Got a bit agitated with some of the things we discussed. Guess that's where the frustration started :/ Monday wasn't a good day either. Woke up late, rushed to tuition, which dragged and made me miss most of Monday's training -.- Overtime like siao, not that tuition is bad, but yah seriously. Mad rush down and played for like 20 mins -.- Tuesday was handover! Woke up and found that it was pouring o.o Headed to school then couldn't really carry out our plans but somehow it pulled through. Played water bombs, had quite a lot of fun getting people soaked lol. Somehow, the game turned into soccer which was quite fun too. Handed over in LT2. Congrats to the new exco! Lead the team well guys! Lunch at Penang Kitchen with Yong Le, Warren, Joanne, Amelia, Yuxian and Kimberly. Went to catch The A-Team with the juniors after that. Awesome show! Alpha Mike Foxtrot! LOL! Wednesday had training again. Pretty interesting drills taught and stuff. Dinner and then home.
Today was another bad day with another mad rush -.- Had tuition in the morning, last minute told us they were extending the lesson cause Thermal was quite long.. Rushed home, then went to meet some of the OG people at Seoul Garden. Turned out only a few people went lol. Oh well, sorry had to rush off like that guys ): Went to meet some of the floorballers for singing karoke lol. Quite fun. After that was formal dinner! Was starving by the time we got there. Had fun cooking (: Got splattered on my face by the oil -.- Hurts a bit up to now zzz. The ice cream part was also quite fun to make lol. Went to talk a bit at some place then we went home. Quite fun still haha
Anyway, this few days were kind of bad in a way. Dunno why just have been a bit unstable this few days. Started from Sunday when I was discussing stuff with Jon. Got frustrated with so many things :/ Thanks for talking to me on the phone man. Then had quite a bit of difficulty trying to prepare stuff for Tues. Anyway saw Miss Wong's speech via email. And yeah for the very first time. Thanks so much Miss Wong! It feels nice to be appreciated once in a while (: I almost cried when I saw it.. Was feeling really really sad on Tuesday cause the fact that it was officialy my last day made me feel down, plus the fact that right till the very last day, I couldn't get the team to participate enthusiastically in stuff. So sorry if I was looking sian that day :/ Still, thanks so much to the junior guys for being very sporting and creating fun for everyone, thank you (: Rushed so much these few days. Felt like crap. I was too scared by the past, I was too held back in some things, I didn't dare to do a lot. And I think I sacrificed too much that I lost so many things. I'm so sorry if I did something wrong ): Please tell me if there's something wrong, I really want to make things right ): I'll do what I can to change what has to be changed. Went to random and started reading some posts on LoveGivesMeHope and stuff along that line on Tuesday night. Was in some sad mood and started tearing at some of the stories that really touched me :/ Random stuff. Argh, my left wrist hurts like crap now. Think I really sprained it already from all the trainings. Last week it already hurt a bit, I guess now it became worse ): Life knocks us down so many times, but I'm starting to get scared of standing back up again ): Argh I think stress and these sucky moods are starting to make me crazy :/ Am I thinking too much? Can things just go in the right direction and turn out positively for once? ):
Once again, I hope I can sleep this off. Need to recover my lost sleep from the irregular sleeping patterns anyway. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day ):
Just don't give up, I'm working it out. Please don't give in, I won't let you down. It messed me up, need a second to breathe, just keep coming around. Hey
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away, just in case I ever need them again someday
Okay Wednesday had training again. Was supposed to wake up earlier and go to school to do work before training, but woke up late again :/ Stickwork, usual stuff. Got a bit pissed with something at some point of time, can't remember what. But oh yeah, some people can get really irritating with their repeated antics, overkill I guess.. Met Jon, Wai Yinn, Leon and Eugene at Plaza Sing Swensens for dinner. It's been a while since all of us were present haha. We were playing our latest craze during dinner: Monopoly Deal haha. Then whacked 2 topless 5 for 10 different flavours of ice cream, awesome stuff man. Had fun with the clique (: If not for the upcoming CTs we would have done much more crap haha. Hope to have another gathering soon!! Thursday morning, went for tuition. Forgot to bring my pencil box -.- Was supposed to study with Eugene in school but felt crappy then came home in the end, sorry Eugene! Slept for quite a bit of the day away lol. Today, went to hq for the trial and collected our confirmation certs. It still says P/CI haha. Came home, slept then went out for dinner with my mum and brother. Sushi Tei and Swensens ice cream!! Thanks!!
Crap this week think I'm damn suay. For the past week, had stomaches on and off. Having a bout of diahorrea now -.- I think my left wrist is a little sprained, prob cause of trainings or something. Fatigue seemed to have gotten the better of me these few days too. Had a few moods swings as well -.- And I'm having a slight sore throat cause of this morning's shouting zzz. Hope I can recover soon man :/ Work wise, 2 weeks of the 'holidays' have zoomed by, crap. Did mainly Maths and some Physics so far. Think I need to start on Chem soon too. Oh well, library with Wei Shian tomorrow! Anyway, 1 more day!! (:
Points to ponder: The smallest actions can speak a lot about you, both positively and negatively. These are the actions which can make the biggest impact, whether we know it or not
Another beautiful song with really nice lyrics (:
Way Back Into Love -- From the movie Music & Lyrics starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore
I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away Just in case I ever need em again someday I've been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love Oh oh oh I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine I've been searching but I just don't see the signs I know that it's out there There's got to be something for my soul somewhere I've been looking for someone to shed some light Not somebody just to get me through the night I could use some direction And I'm open to your suggestions All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart again I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh There are moments when I don't know if it's real Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration Not just another negotiation All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart to you I'm hoping you'll show me what to do And if you help me to start again You know that I'll be there for you in the end Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
Ah crap, not really in the best of moods now :/ Anyway, Sunday went for the 3v3 thingy at Tampines West CC. Quite okay, but yeah playing time was damn short. 5 mins, 3 matches spread out. Should have brought stuff to read or something lol. Saw some primary 5 kids playing in the matches, they were quite zai man o.o Also, managed to buy my own stickbag and a Salming shirt! Cool! The shirt's quite comfy haha. Finished our matches then we went home. Came home and actually went to swim for the first time since I stepped into this place. My stamina for swimming really sucks man lol. Monday, stoned at the reading room doing some work. Managed to do most of the tuition homework, then went to get a hair cut. Today had training again, went to school, met Eugene and read up some Physics stuff, couldn't do much :/ PT and court at Tampines. Got tired out from training, cui.. Dinner and home. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Zhao Ming! (:
Received some email, dunno whether I should try? And some stuff got me thinking, how much should we rely on one's initiative? Points to ponder again. Argh, just some stupid stoned/sian feeling zzz.. Sian need more motivation to study :/ Oh yeah, had this very bad dream on Sunday night. I dreamt that I screwed up A levels big time, like really really bad that kind, not the oh-no-I-didn't-get-my-As-kind. It was very scary, I just pray it won't become a reality ):
Right here, I see it in front of my eyes. It just proves much more of my point
Not a very recent song or anything, heard it while studying on Monday while my ipod was on shuffle haha. Nice song
When You're Gone -- Avril Lavigne
I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through The day and make it ok I miss you I've never felt this way before Everything that I do reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you And when you're gone The face I came to know is missing too And when you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through The day and make it ok I miss you We were made for each other Out here foreverI know we were, yeah And all I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you And when you're gone The face I came to know is missing too And when you're gone All the words I need to hear will always get me through The day and make it ok I miss you
Okay, just came home. Woke up feeling very cui for some reason today ._. Went to try out the Physics tuition class today. Atiqah was late, the teacher came later haha. Quite a number of familiar faces there. First lesson tio spam with notes and worksheets. As Jacob said, I can quit already haha. The place seems good I guess, hope it's a good move lol. Stoned at Amk library for a bit before going for the meeting. Oh oh, the most epic thing happened today. I bumped into Miss Tan and Miss Low, both whom were teachers from my primary school Ai Tong o.o Oh my gosh, greatest coincidence ever. Chatted with them for a while. It feels really good to catch up with some people whom I've no seen in ages. Wish them all the best (: Atc meeting after that, then came home. Tomorrow, 3v3! Wonder what it'll be like, playing some scaled down version of a floorball tournament. Hope it'll be fun haha. Anyway, very unlikely you'll see this anytime soon. Still, have a safe trip! Have fun and enjoy yourself yeah!! (:
Having met Miss Tan and Miss Low just now, I started wondering how some of my friends were doing, like those from 6D and stuff, even the 4A people, though I met them more recently than the 6D people. That extended to 4-10, and to a certain extent, even 1-7/2-7.. In addition, it feels like something's missing already. The bus ride home was filled with this partial empty feeling ): It isn't exactly sadness, but well you'll be missed. Soon! (:
Found this vid on Youtube. A performance of the song Final Countdown with cello leads accompanied by an orchestra. Quite a cool vid
Don't fall off the track yet with so many races to go, hold on
Today has been quite a boring day I must say. Stayed home the whole time. Did some work and watched One Piece along the way haha. And crap, I totally forgot how to integrate already -.- Couldn't do that part of the maths revision package yet. Did Binomial and Poisson instead, but my progress is really slow -.- Think I need to get away from the house and have people to push me. Wei Shian! Jon! Haha. And I couldn't really play floorball in my room just now, wrist hurting a bit zzz.. Also, new thing to suan Atiqah about already, can't wait haha :x Starting Physics tuition tomorrow too. Hope it'll be a good investment lol. Jon's gone to Vietnam. Hope you're having fun there haha, Monday! Possibility of squad event next week :D 29th! Got people also going holiday tomorrow ah wahh haha. Guess I need to tell myself, if I wanna play, I need to get work done. Need to get the mood for studying back!
Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even -Muhammad Ali
Here's another quote I found. Twisting this into another perspective. Those who have experienced the bad times would want to help others in similar plights? Or things along that line, like guiding those walking similar paths? Points to ponder..
I'm like starting some trend, nearly every post has a song haha. This song, from one of my favourite bands. Lyrics do have a certain meaning to them. Am okay with the tune, not the most attractive but still good haha
Unbound (The Wild Ride) -- Avenged Sevenfold
Somewhere life is good and things go as they should It's hard to find but that's alright Searching for the way, push harder everyday It's deep inside that shining light But I'm scarred by barriers placed in my path, I'm scathed
This ride that takes me through life Leads me into darkness but emerges into light No one can ever slow me down, I'll stay unbound
Sometimes when we're young and always on the run It gets so dark and I know that place So don't be too concerned, you've got a lot to learn Well, so do I and we've got plenty of time Don't fall off the track yet with so many races to go, hold on
This ride that takes me through life Leads me into darkness but emerges into light No one can ever slow me down, I'll stay unbound
Some live so wrong, with what we do is each his own Living in fear, endless shame for countless years I never lived in fear, I knew I'd die another day I never viewed my life as something slipping away
Some live so wrong, with what we do is each his own But living in fear, endless shame for countless years I never lived in fear, I knew I'd die another day I never viewed my life as something slipping away
There's nothing here to take for granted With each breath that we take The hands of time strip youth from our bodies And we fade, memories remain as time goes on
There's nothing here to take for granted With each breath that we take The hands of time strip youth from our bodies And we fade, memories remain as time goes on
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had
Okay, today is the third and last day of the training marathon! Anyway woke up at like 11 plus again, but still felt tired :/ Training wise, quite useful I guess. Really really worked on our basics again and stuff. Kind of tests our mental abilities as well. Hope the juniors have been able to gain much from these 3 days of training (: Keep the passion alive people! Wish my batch had such things for our initial stages of training man. Had dinner with the team at the food court at the bus interchange. Had a lot of fun crapping again. Think we were damn loud lol. Train ride back was also quite entertaining for a while. Having some freaking chest pains now, hoping it's just muscleaches only zzz..
Now, need to really start work proper. Don't feel like doing work what the crap -.- Must start! Anyway, alighted at yck station for the first time in a long time. I really really miss the place like crazy. Not saying that where I'm staying now is really bad or something, but yeah I just miss Lentor ): And crap, come Saturday, one week ):
Found this very cool quote from somewhere. I think it's really meaningful
If you could have the arms of Hercules;legs as swift as the wind; if you could leap shoulder high above the rim; have the kick of a dolphin; the reflexes of a cat; if you could have all this, you would have the body, you would have the tools. But you will not have greatness until you understand that the strongest muscle is the heart ~ Andrea Bocelli
I think this song is damn awesome. He got a standing ovation from Simon when he performed this during American Idol last time. Damn nice, I like it more than the original (: The lyrics do make you think quite a bit also. Awesome song
Mad World -- Adam Lambert
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright and early for the daily races Going no where Going no where And the tears are filling up their glasses No expression No expression And in my head I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow No tomorrow And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had And I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very... mad world... mad world... Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday Happy birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen Sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me No one knew me Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson Look right through me Look right through me And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very... mad world... mad world... Mad World Mad World
First things first, Happy Birthday Jun Xiang!! Thanks so much for helping me throughout this past 1.5 years in floorball and stuff. We got a cake for him. Smashed some in his face, twice, taupoked and who knows what. Hope you had a good day today haha. Happy Birthday to Gabriel too, who also got some cake in his face haha. I did too lol -_-
Training wise, damn long gym session, worked on techniques again for the juniors. Some are improving quite a bit, not bad. Disappointmed at some point of time, but oh well. After training, we went to take down the balls stuck at the top of the gym there. We managed to recover like 65 plus balls. Woohoo! Nice one man, feels good to have like about 105 balls from like 30 haha. The juniors better maintain the numbers man. Went out for dinner at KAP with some of the juniors. Had fun talking all sorts of nonsense haha. Bharat is like omg damn sick lol. The JH3 level this year sounds very lol. Still, had great fun. I think we talked for like almost 2.5 hours or something.
Okay, have been reflecting on this for a while now. And I guess today I shall have to face the truth I've been trying to kind of avoid for a few weeks while I was on the subject. The severity of it is there, right in front of my face. In this year, we dropped from 5th to about like third last in the league. After one year, I can't really say we're a really bonded team. After one year I realise, I haven't really down anything. The cca dropped in standing, the people divided. Compared to what my seniors had achieved, I can only say the harsh fact to myself: 'You've failed in your duty, your term has been a failure'. I couldn't lead the team. I don't know why, I felt the same way back then in NP as well. What had I done right as a Sec 3 DI then? This leads me to wonder, like the other things, will I forever be trying to make up for my mistakes? When departments screw up, they look at it's management, in turn it's head. When ministries fumble, they look at it's minister. This unfortunately, are facts of life. I'm sorry Adrian, I'm sorry my fellow excos, I'm sorry team, I'm sorry njfb. I hope that the next batch will do a better job and bring the cca up. Achieve as a team what I failed to bring to the cca, as part of our aspirations. There's just so much more that could have been done. Regrets.. Can someone convince me otherwise? Think that'll be hard
When I'm no longer useful, when I'm no longer needed, I'll just disappear
Another burst of self-crap. Maybe sleep might help. Freak
Okay, Thursday was the last day of school. Didn't really listen much again zzz. In the morning there was a very nice announcement that screwed up our plans -.- Thanks so much really. Had to go and make last minute arrangements with JX and Miss Wong. I believe we weren't the only ones affected. Some headstart would be appreciated yeah -.- In the end went for GP 20 minutes late. Hilary came later than me haha. Watched some video about ethics and stuff, couldn't understand half the things being mentioned lol. Need to catch up on sampling theory zzz.. Ended up having our own self training in the gym after consol till like 7 plus lol. Long time never play properly already. The volcano blade is quite fun to use man (: Friday, met Jon, Eugene and Leon for a while. Ate at Cartel while waiting for Eugene to knock off. Leon introduced Monopoly deal to us haha, damn fun game, spent the rest of the afternoon playing it at Eugene's house. Came back for the family barbeque party. Ate quite a bit haha. It started raining and in short, got soaked trying to take umbrellas for people and bringing stuff back ._. Luckily didn't get sick or something. My cousins started crapping with KB on msn haha. And omg Melzone knows Mr Tan! Small world man haha.
Saturday, went for court training. Morning had interviews. Drills were a bit well, not so well executed. Improvement shall come with time I guess. Games wise, played our own style in our own lines. Haven't played with Jun Xiang in a long time! We almost scored!! Yeah must play together more often man (: Speeches and voting after training. Lunched with a few people. Sunday practically stoned the day away :/ Yesterday had Math make up lesson and interviews, went to PS for a while then came home. Today had training. Woke up damn late, at like 12:10pm -.- 2.4 for pt first. Deproved man, 10:15, sian. Need to train! Court training after that.
Okay have a few thoughts here and there. A bit stoned to reflect now though. Next post I guess
