Somehow, today I kept thinking of a lot things... Friday's incident just somehow keeps popping back into my head... It reminds me of one of the worst experiences I ever had... It was in Sec 1 I think... I was taking the bus home with Christopher, then this group of Whitley upper sec students boarded the bus (I'm not discriminating against the school or something, just recounting the incident) Then for some reason, those bloody ****** started making loud jokes and remarks that were directed at me, meant to make fun of me... This incident was carried out loudly in the bus, so I presume that nearly everyone heard it... It sucked, really... Ignoring them wasn't good enough... To make matters worse, one of them came up to me to make fun of me in my face just before his stop... Then things went something like I asked him to shut up and sort of pointed at him, the he gave that gangster-like sneer "Wah, point at me ah", and he slapped my hand away... Well, I was Sec 1, I didn't know any better back then... The incident, honestly speaking did have quite an effect on me... Luckily, I managed to live without those remarks for some time, till during certain times when I did get made fun off again (Like the people from this certain school during tuitions)... Ok fine, people tell me, ignore them... Well, easier said than done... For me, honestly, I'm scared of new environments... Cause I'll have to start building up everything from scratch again... Though some have told me "people will be more mature in jc and ns"... To a certain extent, yes... However, it'll be unavoidable... Everytime this kind of thing happens, it always sends me into deep thought... Haiz... Guess this does make me appreciate those around me even more... Before you come up with any suggestion, I would advise you to not to... Seriously... If you don't get what I'm talking about, forget it... I saw some of the photos of when I was younger... I realise, I really did look like crap, not that I appear any better now... Then, all these times, I done a lot... Especially those actions which have offended/angered many... Whatever impression and actions that I've done, they'll always be in people's minds, the scars will always be there... To everyone, I'm really really sorry for all my past actions and words that might have offended, hurt of angered you... Ok, I know many of them wouldn't ever read this, but what the heck... Somehow, I've always wanted to do some things, then a certain something seems to keep holding me back... To be very honest, I'm scared to present myself to large groups of people I'm not familiar with, no because of stage fright or something, but because I'm scared of what kind of comments they'll have about me... Yah I know it's kind of childish and lame, but that's kind of it...
Ok crap, there's just so much I want get off my mind, but some things can't be said here, some things I have no idea how to express.... Yeah I know you'll tell me, there are people worse of than you or something...
To clarify, I'm not emoing, I'm not lamenting or something... I'm just speaking (or typing rather) what's on my mind, that's all...
When I think about it now, somehow, I sort of wish what he had said was really the case... If only it were true...
On the other hand, I kind of compared my essays to that of a girl's (from tuition)... Yup, I guess I really still do lack quite a bit of substance... The essay I wrote during the lesson some time back, honestly I thought it was one of my best ones... Well, standard not there yet... I need to improve! And I need inspiration for my essays!! Arrgh...
Ok, I seem to be behind in my revision... Physical Geography is proving to be difficult... Zzzz... Ok I better sleep soon, don't want to be sleeping during Maths later... And for the movie, I don't think I'll be going... Sorry Justin...
Bye people
mentally challenged @ 1:26 AM
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