Came home, flared up a bit, cause he seemed to be showing a bit of the gl attitude towards me, like what he had been doing for some time already... Yah, then just got flamed... Described as unpleasant, person with very bad temper etc... Yah, I heard what you said later too, "terrible", "feel like slapping him" and all those little phrases... Fine, he wins again... I know, I haven't been in very good spirits whenever I'm home... So, you just treat it like, ok, it's him never mind, another one of his shortcomings... Have you every wondered why lately I haven't been in very good moods? Rather than just flame for it, have you ever tried finding out the reason behind it?? Then again, the entire thing is most probably my fault again... I shouldn't be venting my frustrations on others... Yet, he's just becoming so damn gl towards me only... Yah, but that's for all that I did to him... Haiz... I suck, too bad... It's so obvious who fits in better, who's doing better... He's the pleasant one, the one who's much more charismatic, unlike the other joker who only knows how to frown and scowl... He can do all his sudden yells of soccer commentary, nobody find them irritating except me... Yah, everyone prefers him... Duh... It's obvious who's the better choice... No need to care for that bloody shithead who can't do no shit... All he can do is throw tantrums and do some useless marching... Guess I'll never be looked in the better light in your eyes... I'm hopeless ok? Not trying to be sarcastic or what, but some parts are really true, cause I do suck... Is there a place where I'll be treated normally? Where I'm not regarded as a joke or as an eyesore or something negative?? Or is because that's all there is to me, negative aspects? Screw all this lah... $*&^%&*
And now, even at this stage, I'm still weighed down by stupid burdens like collecting money... Hate it when it's dragged... I just want to pay the respective people and get rid of it... However, some people just drag it all the way for me... Luckily I'm not collecting money for class chalet too or I'll die... Thanks Jun Xiang... Thanks Nathan for assisting me in the collection for grad night... Found out we were holding a total of $1500 in cash with us... Paid it to Miss Tan today... Hope all this crap can be settled asap...
Now, my brain seems to be clogged up very often and nothing I'm trying to remember is getting into my head... Argh... It's really worrying... And O level is starting in less than 2 weeks!! Also, right now, there's this heavy feeling in my heart that I can't seem to get rid of... I don't want history to repeat itself...
Lastly, sorry if you've been on the receiving end of some of my tantrums/gl-ing/outbursts... I pretty close to snapping at the moment... Sorry...
People sitting all around me have gone hardcore mugging already... Me? Mine's still so damn moderate, doing little... Seriously, can I just end all this? I feel like I'm going to war with no weapons, while people have sharp swords... It's total suicide for me..
Honestly speaking, is it worth all this? They say half the battle is won with confidence in yourself... Does that mean I've already lost half the battle?
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