Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond

Thursday after school, I was attending A. Maths remedial in my classroom. At 3:44pm, I received a call on my handphone. Shan't say the contents of the phone call, but after finishing the conversation, I began to feel very uneasy, and a certain fear was starting to build up within me. I could no longer focus on what Mrs Tan was teaching. I chose to leave. Ended up going to the library after walking around the school pointlessly for a while. Read comics and waited for KF. When he finished his remedial, I checked with him. My worst fears were confirmed. At once, my world started to break apart, I didn't believe what had just been thrown at me at that time. My confidence started shattering, my mind just went "o.m.g."... However, it did mean one thing: It was the end of a dream. That dream, happened to be my goal. It was what instilled that passion, that driving force, for me all this time. With that as my motivation, I strived, to improve myself, to hone my skills, so much was done... My passion brought me to greater heights. Then, fate played me like a harp again, just as I was reaching the epitome of this portion of my life, it sent me crashing to the ground. Shan't bother to elaborate further, cause nearly no one really understands the situation. My dreams were crushed, again, the flame that was my passion, died out. For the what was probably the first time, I really didn't want to go to training on Friday... Still, yah, I have a duty to fufill... Anyway, I don't want to be a bad loser or something, so yah. Congrats Ken and Yibin, the new SIs of CHSNPCC... =)

Wednesday went to HTA for briefing for the SPF-NPCC badge presentation ceremony, which is to be held next Friday at HCI.... We were told at 9:20pm on Tuesday night that we needed our uniform the next day... -.- Wednesday went there, a briefing of 6 powerpoint slides, then everyone went to take the mugshots... Took damn long... Yah, Wednesday was also NAPFA... Results after everything (2.4 was taken the week before):

2.4km run - 11:55
Standing broad jump - 232 (I think)
Shuttle run - 9.6 (Yeah man)
Sit & Reach - 45 (I think)
Sit-ups - 47 (Should be)
Chin-ups - 4

Damn it, as you can see, my chin-ups prevented me from attaining my Gold, and I almost did my 5th chin-up too... Haiz...

Thursday was a shitty day cause of what was mentioned above. Friday, totally screwed the applications of integration test. Don't think I'll be as lucky as the previous test for applications on differentitation, which I miraculously passed.... Training was crap, couldn't do anything until like 4+pm... After training some crap again... Fine, some things you say I agree, some things you say do have meaning, but the freakin way you do things is like... *No comments* I believe there are other ways to handle things.... This morning came to school for chinese remedial, KF and YB went for their rehearsal, chinese was crap, don't want to talk about it... After that was quite a bit of stoning, emoing, playing Jason's DS before we changed and went for NPDP. We were the spectators. 7 of us from CHS, all NCOs... Lol... Gathering time was 3pm, we left the school at like 3:25pm or something? Buggers... First time watching NPDP as a spectator, though I would have preferred to have watched the parade from the dias, as a civilian.... Yah, SOME people managed to get tickets... -_- Zzzzz... Never mind... We still did get front row seats... Lol... Somehow, there seemed to be quite a number of hiccups in the process of the parade... Shan't say anything... It isn't easy to plan such things anyway... I don't know about the rest, but I felt very nostalgic during the whole parade... Brings me back to last year 21st April, the day of our parade... Then spent time waiting for Mr Chen before we could set off from HTA... On the way back, something badly pissed us off, some people rather... -.- Dinner was at LJS before home... Better chiong my homework again tomorrow, or I'm totally screwed...

The recent incident really shattered my confidence, I mean after working so hard, after doing what I had been doing, things didn't turn out the way we thought it would be... The situation was pretty ironic, in the sense that, I wanted what he had, and for my case, he wanted what I have a chance in getting... I really wonder what went wrong... After the talk, I might have calmed down quite a bit, but the more I want to forget it, the more it keeps popping into my thoughts, then, whenever I see it, it aggravates my emotions... I know I'm sounding quite selfish in this post, but well, I can't keep these thoughts in me forever can I? I'll explode... Furthermore, this incident sort of supports the certain theory about the way my life goes, and right now, I'm really really scared about O Levels, because if the pattern is true, I'll end up screwing my exams no matter how hard I try... Yah, I know this sounds VERY pessimistic, but well... Also, the one that's coming up, the one for Chinese, it doesn't seem to be going very well for me... Bottom line of the incident: Is there really a point in working towards your dreams? When after doing so much... It was my life, now it just broke apart, right in my face... Perhaps if you know the situation then you might understand the reason for this, if not you'll probably be thinking that it's just the way it seems... Still, I let myself down... But yah, I'm really sorry if this makes me sound like some whiner and complainer and all that... I apologize if your feelings have been hurt...

My fighting spirit's dead, so is my Chinese... Should I continue?

mentally challenged @ 11:48 PM