Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Nothing really much today... Did some Physics, some Bio... Though I admit I didn't really make full use of the day... Haiz... Sorry I couldn't join you guys at the library today Wai Yinn and Jonathan...
Found this song... It's some new song that someone wrote I think? David Cook performed it during American Idol... Song's pretty inspirational... David Cook's version is pretty to good to hear, cause the pace and all that is pretty good, too bad it was only a 2 minute odd performance... The original version is pretty neat too...
Dream Big -- Written by Emily Shackelton
David Cook's performance
Original version
When I was a little girl I swore that I would change the world When I grew up Nothing else would be enough
Back then it all seemed black and white But these days I just can't seem to find The child in me, who always believed
I see it everyday We settle for safe And lose ourselves along the way
But if you don't dream big what's the use in dreaming If you don't have faith there's nothing worth believing It takes one hope to make the stars worth reaching for So reach out for something more
Took a well perfected plan For me to finally understand That it's not me Faith is something I can see
I loose the reins and let em go I broke the chains I fear That had their hold on me too long When all I felt was wrong
I've wiped my tears away Now it's time for a change No I can't waste another day
Cuz if you don't dream big what's the use in dreaming If you don't have faith there's nothing worth believing It takes one hope to make the stars worth reaching for
So close your eyes and tell me what you see Between what's real and make believe Here's the path we've all been searching for So reach out for something more Than you ever could imagine then move Don't wait for it to happen Life's too short for not taking chances The stars aren't as far as they seem
But if you don't dream big what's the use in dreaming If you don't have faith there's nothing worth believing It takes one hope to make the stars worth reaching for So close your eyes and tell me what you see Between what's real and make believe Here's the path we've all been searching for
So reach out for something more For something more So reach out for something more
Ok, there still might be hope... I'll work for it... I'll try to save as much of it as I can, especially Geography... Tuition tomorrow, need to catch some sleep... Night people...
1 week has gone... Things haven't been good... Guess when I reach the time when I really have to perform, I can't deliver... Was too nervous for Chem, panicked during Geog, blanked out during one bit of A.Maths... Perhaps it was foolish, to have given myself such high expectations... Perhaps I never was of the calibre to excel... I thought by working for your aim, you could perhaps reach it... I was wrong... It required more, more than just hardwork and practice... Guess I'll never be able to make it big... I just hope I'll be able to do well enough to enter the jc near my house, I'll be really satisfied... However, by the look of things, I might have difficulty in even doing so... Today, a subject that I was supposed to be good in, I lost quite a handful of marks... Couldn't see the stupid midpoint thing... Cost me so many marks... I've lost my confidence... Seriously, I should never have given myself so much false hope... Right now, I really hope that I'll be able to emulate my prelim 3 score, the moderated one... I'll really be satisfied like that... Guess once again, some dreams will always be dreams... Should I still continue and push on? Giving up seems like a very attractive option at the moment... Sorry I let so many people down... The teachers who slogged to help me, my parents, those who believed in me... Sorry... My motivation has been drained... What was once a glimmer of hope is now just a blanket of nothingness... Once again, when it's time to perform, I never do... Perhaps I should really re-consider some of my aspirations, as well as some of my nov/december plans, I might not finish this in a light mood... Haiz...
Sorry this couldn't be a happier post... Maybe a miracle will happen and I'll be saved...
Oh and Happy Belated Birthday Kah Hoe, hope you'll do well for this exam and go to your dream jc... =)
Ok, the time has come... Tomorrow is our first paper, Chemistry Paper 2... Like someone said, we've gone through a 4 year journey for this... Am I prepared? I seriously have no idea... Hope I'll be able to pull through this battle and emerge victorious... Hope I'll not disappoint all my teachers.... Let's go everyone!
Past few days have been going back to school to study... Wednesday, decided not to go for English... Did Maths with Leon in the library... Evening went to the library with Jonathan and Wai Yinn... Thursday, same thing, didn't want to go for English, study in school, then went to the library with Jonathan... Had dinner at Subway with Julain, Eugene and Jit Hin as well... Borrowed a book from the library... I have outstanding fines?! $0.30... -.- Ok... Today, woke up a little later... Went to school, did the Chem paper... Had lunch with Ken and Jun Wei... Sorry I couldn't join you guys at AMK library... Did maths, then Leonard and I went to find Mrs Goh... More maths, then went to have dinner with Jit Hin and Eugene... Decided to come home instead of the library, basically cause Eugene Sim and Jonathan weren't free... These few days also saw quite a number of my seniors... Yesterday saw Darius, Yang Heng and Sui Chuan in J8... Today saw Guo Kai, Yang Heng and Sui Chuan in CHS library and J8... Somehow there's sort of a barrier between us? Sort of feel uncomfortable when even saying high... Same thing with my juniors, the ones whom I was once familiar with, all sorts of awkward pauses during our conversations... Haiz... Is this considered normal? Ah well... Saw a bunch of our Area CIs at Macs while I was walking around with Eugene and Jit Hin... Saw Chester sir, who sort of spotted me first... Haha...
O levels, after today, it's only 2 days left... Do I feel prepared? No... About 2 years worth of work all boils down to these few days of examination... One that will decided your fate... Well, obviously the stress is building up, some of my friends have reportedly started breaking down... Some going crazy (a bit) too.... Haha... Me? Let's just say, I'm starting to lose a bit of my self control... Mind's going blank every now and then... I can't focus, I don't feel like continuing all this slogging... Ultimately, what's the result? However I guess what we were discussing just now did have a point, it's our expectations... I have a classmate for example, he has very and I mean very high expectations of himself... Right now, he seems to be breaking down quite a bit? Guess it's something like a culture of Asians... Once we fall below our expectations, just a bit, we'll get disappointed... Aren't most of us like that? Perhaps for me, I've set too high expectations for myself as well?
Also, I did a little bit of reflection... I realised, I really owe a lot to 29th Batch... Along my NP journey, I've learnt much from these guys, through the numerous interactions, events, disputes... Also, I've definitely gotten help from this lot, to get to where I am... The times we helped each other in promotion tests, the trainings... Miss all the times we had trainings together... In Sec 2, I would not have been able to enter the Black Knights squad if not for them, who appealed to our squad leaders, cause I couldn't attend the selection test... On a side note, have to thank seniors like Wee Siong, Daryl, Troy, Tiong Hui etc for giving me chances... Haiz... Feel so indebted to so many people... Many a times, members of 29th Batch would point out some of my shortcomings, helping me to change... I definitely learned loads... Regrets? Perhaps I regret not having spent enough time with certain members of my squad... Now, maybe it's cause of the O levels, or maybe not, we seem to be drifting apart, leaving only the handful of us left... Is the name 29th Batch to disappear soon? Honestly, I really hope that after the O levels, all of us can pick up from where we left, start afresh, maintain our bond... True, some things might have been unforgivable, some things might have seemed to be bloody hypocritical in a sense, these are the things that'll hinder our reforming... It'll take time, I just hope that it will happen...
Does this shirt still have its meaning?
On a lighter note, I'm still glad we as people of 4-10 have grown quite close to each other... Hope that we can remain like that even after JC...
Presenting the star of 4-10! (And also the class's play-thing... Haha)
Haha... Credits to Alvin for the photo... Freshly taken today... XD
Let's hope I can pull through this O levels... At the end of the road, will we emerge victorious or defeated?
This post is specially for pictures for last Friday...
Bermuda Triangle team... Haha... Me, Enzon, Leon, Miss Fernandez, Christopher, Kelvin, Wei Jie
Leon and I with Mr Thomas
Miss Krishnan with 4-10's pure history boys... Joseph, Manfred, Charlton
With Mrs Yap
The main focus is actually Leonard... Haha...
4-10 with Mr Thomas, Mrs Yap and Mdm Mu Jun
With Mr Fernandez
With Mr Teo
Me, Boon Siang, Daryl
4-10 with Mrs Tan, one of the best Maths teachers in CHS, just need to get used to her.... personality and style? Haha
Teachers' performance
Mr F. again
With Mr Quay and Miss Saras
For fun, with Mdm Yu Lin
For fun also, Mrs Tang
With Mrs Goh
With Sai Leong
With Mdm Wong ML... One of the most caring teachers in the school also... CHS has a lot anyway... Haha...
Damian getting taupoked in 4-9
With Mrs Chew
Ken, Leonard, Louis, Kah Hoe
Kenneth, Me, Kah Hoe
Haha, weird faces...
Ming Hao, Clifton and Kian Boon... Look at Cliff's hand... Haha...
Ken and KB
Terence... Haha... Wasn't the photographer for this one...
Nor this... Haha...
Look at Choong Lee's shirt... Haha...
Two of 4-10's greatest jokers (in a good way) -- Beier and Choong Lee... Haha...
4-10 4-10 4-10 Notice Daryl... Haha... Whole gang on the escalator
This is cool... Whole group... Not the full class though...
Better sleep soon... Didn't manage to do much work today... Better chiong tomorrow... O levels in 5 days... Then again... I might not make it... Bye people...
Hey everyone... Apologies for not blogging for so long... Backtrack to last week... Thursday, went to school in the morning to find pretty disturbing sights... Some idiots had vandalised the school walls with spray paint and worst still, killed all the coi fish in the pond... I mean, wtf? Inhuman asses... Whole school seemed pretty chaotic for the whole day... Worse things occurred... Eugene's camera got stolen... Daren's ipod and Manfred's ipod charger had been swiped as well... All because I came to school slightly later and didn't manage to lock the classroom in time... Zzz... Sorry guys... Very luckily, Daren and Manfred's stuff were found hidden in the toilet... Only Eugene's camera wasn't recovered... Zzzz... Thursday was a pretty bad day for everyone... Screw those vandals too... They seriously should just go and die... -.-
Friday was our "last day in school" officially... Morning had English... Then there was a break, followed by our "last" assembly... Speeches were made, videos were shown... Some were pretty creative and entertaining, but I guess the most important thing was the meaning behind the videos... Made me think of som many memories I had in CHS...
Sec 1, came in as a totally blur kid... Still remember I almost got accused of something which I obviously didn't do (it was quite a serious matter) during BURST... That was where I got first got to know Mr Goh YH... Got to meet a lot of people in 1-7, have to thank Christopher for helping me back then... Went through a fair deal in Sec 1... Joined NPCC as my CCA, very unlike my original intention, which was bowling... Haha... Have to thank my mum I guess... Experienced both good and bad times, as well as good and bad teachings... Haha...
Sec 2, life got more interesting... Our year with Miss Fernandez was definitely interesting... Lot's of stuff happened... NP also started to become very interesting... Participated in SYFOC, first time in major parade... Also remembered Mrs Tan S.Y... Our very ___ science teacher... Fill in the blanks yourself... Screwed my whole science foundation... Sec 2 was also project work... Our team somehow managed to enter the finals... Runner-up even... And we were like rushing everything out towards the end... Haha... After all our quarrels and bickering, we finally got it done... NP also started to become more interesting...
Sec 3, started off as an OAL, had some really valuable experiences... Sec 3 life was also very demanding... I remember screwing up my mid-years very badly... Started having science tuition... Went for Sec 3 camp in Malaysia, very fun... POP, we took over... LMSC, AC parade, lot's of stuff here and there... Went through quite a lot... Numerous squad conflicts here and there, got caught in one too... Manged to learn very valuable lessons though... Went through more stuff...
This year Sec 4 was also pretty eventful, lot's of stuff happened... Also managed to bond with the class more... I changed a lot during these 4 years, changed in many ways, good bad left right, everything... These years have definitely been important stages in my life...
Our class 4-10 has probably come quite a long way... Like Mr Thomas said, initially, we didn't really click with each other, but as time passed, especially in Sec 4, we grew closer together... For me, I got to know Manfred, Charlton, Jerold, Daren, Jit Hin, Julian, Daryl, Boon Siang, Alvin and so many other people so much better... Generally for me, can say I'm ok with most people, just slightly irritated by some people now and then... Nevertheless, I still love 4-10...
Also, thank you to all the teachers that had played a part in my life these 4 years... Thank you Mr Thomas, Mdm Mu Jun, Mrs Yap, Mr Ang, Mdm Wong ML, Mr Quay, Miss Wong, Mr Edmund Yong, Miss Saras, Mr Teo, Mrs Tan, Miss Cheang, Mrs Tang, Mr Fernandez, Mr Talib, Mrs Goh, Mrs Oh, Mr Goh YH, Mr Goh KY, Mr Goh HM, Mr Lee CH (left), Mrs Chew, Mr Chen, Miss Fernandez (I love rocket science), Mr Daniel Ling (left), Miss Chong, Miss Leong, Mr Chan Tep Kok (left), the chinese teachers who taught me in Sec 1 and 2 for a while, the english teachers who taught me in Sec 1 for a while, Miss Rai and Miss Kaur I think... Did I leave anyone out? Not sure... Sorry if I left anyone out...
Won't be forgetting my times here in CHS, I have definitely been proud to be a member of CHS... Also, thanks to all the friends that I had made in school... The many many people I know, be it people of the same level, juniors or seniors... Hope all of us can remain in contact as much as possible...
After the farewell assembly, took lot's of photos... Then waited for a while before we went for our mini squad lunch... More than half the squad turned up sia... 11 people... Haha... Went to pastamania to eat... After that went to Bishan active with Terence, JW and Ken... Played a bit of basketball... Then went to meet the others for our class dinner... Got lost trying to find Leon... Haha... Bit of waiting before most people came... Went to Seoul Garden in Takashimaya for dinner... We took damn long to settle the money thing, cause we kept finding that we were short... Things were a little messy as well... Then later Daren realised that he had not paid yet... -_-''' Dinner was great, Mr Thomas and Mr Teo joined us... Very eventful dinner... Trust Choong Lee to crack up some jokes... Haha... With him, we also ended up trying to play along with this other group... Haha... Choong Lee rocks lah... Haha... Ate for damn long, then we played the zong ji mi ma game... Tio once... For the last round, Jit Hin went to add a hell lot of shit into the penalty food stuff... In the end he tio... Haha... Damn funny... We went around a bit, taking a few photos before splitting... Joel has sort of become the class's new plaything... Haha... Dinner was overall great, credits to Daren (and I think some other people) for thinking of and organizing the event... Thanks for helping us get a discount too... =) Also, thank 4-10 for everything...
Saturday and Sunday was nothing much... Saturday slept at about 4pm and woke up at 8+am on Sunday... -.- Yesterday, first day of our "study break" Went to school for English -.-
Today, also another remedial day... Study break my foot ah... Today was also the last lesson or Blackbox... Attended the tuition since Sec 1 I think? Have been under Miss Chan for quite some time... It was also through these classes that I met Jia Yong, and later found out that he was in CHS as well... Also managed to meet Lingli again, one of my primary school classmates... Classes were pretty fun... I remember having difficulty trying to fit in for some time but I did eventually... Thanks Miss Chan for being ever so patient and understanding... Thanks for everything, thanks tuition mates for helping to contribute to make the lessons interesting? Haha, might miss the class, though I'll still see Jia Yong for some time... Haha... Hope I'll not disappoint Miss Chan...
Ah well, this has been a long post, perhaps not everything that I've wanted to say has not been said... No time...
Came home, flared up a bit, cause he seemed to be showing a bit of the gl attitude towards me, like what he had been doing for some time already... Yah, then just got flamed... Described as unpleasant, person with very bad temper etc... Yah, I heard what you said later too, "terrible", "feel like slapping him" and all those little phrases... Fine, he wins again... I know, I haven't been in very good spirits whenever I'm home... So, you just treat it like, ok, it's him never mind, another one of his shortcomings... Have you every wondered why lately I haven't been in very good moods? Rather than just flame for it, have you ever tried finding out the reason behind it?? Then again, the entire thing is most probably my fault again... I shouldn't be venting my frustrations on others... Yet, he's just becoming so damn gl towards me only... Yah, but that's for all that I did to him... Haiz... I suck, too bad... It's so obvious who fits in better, who's doing better... He's the pleasant one, the one who's much more charismatic, unlike the other joker who only knows how to frown and scowl... He can do all his sudden yells of soccer commentary, nobody find them irritating except me... Yah, everyone prefers him... Duh... It's obvious who's the better choice... No need to care for that bloody shithead who can't do no shit... All he can do is throw tantrums and do some useless marching... Guess I'll never be looked in the better light in your eyes... I'm hopeless ok? Not trying to be sarcastic or what, but some parts are really true, cause I do suck... Is there a place where I'll be treated normally? Where I'm not regarded as a joke or as an eyesore or something negative?? Or is because that's all there is to me, negative aspects? Screw all this lah... $*&^%&*
And now, even at this stage, I'm still weighed down by stupid burdens like collecting money... Hate it when it's dragged... I just want to pay the respective people and get rid of it... However, some people just drag it all the way for me... Luckily I'm not collecting money for class chalet too or I'll die... Thanks Jun Xiang... Thanks Nathan for assisting me in the collection for grad night... Found out we were holding a total of $1500 in cash with us... Paid it to Miss Tan today... Hope all this crap can be settled asap...
Now, my brain seems to be clogged up very often and nothing I'm trying to remember is getting into my head... Argh... It's really worrying... And O level is starting in less than 2 weeks!! Also, right now, there's this heavy feeling in my heart that I can't seem to get rid of... I don't want history to repeat itself...
Lastly, sorry if you've been on the receiving end of some of my tantrums/gl-ing/outbursts... I pretty close to snapping at the moment... Sorry...
People sitting all around me have gone hardcore mugging already... Me? Mine's still so damn moderate, doing little... Seriously, can I just end all this? I feel like I'm going to war with no weapons, while people have sharp swords... It's total suicide for me..
Honestly speaking, is it worth all this? They say half the battle is won with confidence in yourself... Does that mean I've already lost half the battle?
Hey people... Another day here, another day closer to the O levels.... Zzz... Anyway, need to recall some stuff... Friday, main thing I remembered was talking to some of the 2-7 guys for like 1 hour or so after school... Haha.... Then Saturday, morning went for tuition, then went to J8 for lunch... Met Roymond there... Sorry if I had sort of offended you but during our conversation... We were talking about how well prepared for O levels we were, so.... Yah anyway, had lunch, went to school, met KB and JW... Did some work, then went to J8 with Louis, Ming Hao, Clifton and Ken... Cliff and MH went home... Ken, JW and Louis had their lunch at Subway, then we went to the library to study... Somehow I managed to fall asleep for a while? Haha... After that went to walk around in J8 for a while, seperated from the rest when I met Wai Yinn, who was waiting for Meng Long and Beier, who were having their haircuts... Had dinner, then Meng Long, Wai Yinn and myself went back to the library to study a bit more... We stayed all the way till the lights started going off... Haha... Walked around a bit... Then took the MRT home with Meng Long... Came home and ate dinner at what, 10pm? Haha.... Sunday, woke up a like 3pm?! Ok, cause I slept very late on Saturday night.... Wasted my time trying to do thge Tessie Cheng compres.... -.- Did some other work.... Yesterday, had our last official lesson of S.S, conducted by Mr Pillay... Learnt some things, although I'm a wee bit confused... After school had the Geog test... Almost totally had no content at all... Gave up and did one question only... Haha... After that, went to Bishan market with Manfred, Jit Hin, Julian, Leonard and Charlton... Then went to study until about 8++pm?
Today, morning English class was some compre... Then Mrs Yap bought our class a sausage mcmuffin and a cup of coke!! Wow, damn nice... Something totally unexpected... Initially, Evan and I thought that we had to collect some worksheets for her or something, then we went to the G.O and saw the mcdelivery man... Haha.... Thanks so much Mrs Yap!! Had our last PE lesson in CHS today.... Went down pretty late, wasted a fair bit of the lesson... What the heck, we still managed to play soccer... Pretty fun... We wanted to taupok Joel after PE but failed... He just sort of struggled free... Haha... Then the last 2 periods went to the hall for some Chem paper... Realized that I had left out Chemistry for too long already, 1 plus week due to all the homework... Got stuck at quite a few components... Must work... Went for tuition, was late again, thanks to me, as usual... -.- 2nd last lesson already.... Zzz...
Ok, there's seriously not enough time for everything... I seriously need help for my Humanities, can't seem to be able to absorb anything... Ok, let's make that everything... I seriously want to do well... Haiz... So much stress and pressure... Need to work... Yet somehow, whatever I've been learning seems to be leaking all out of my mind at the moment... Arggh!! Help!! Need motivation again... Also, my study plans seem totally disrupted... Wanted to go to school at the normal time and study all the way... Guess what, we have like English from 8:30am to 10:30am EVERYDAY?! Ok, I know it's for our own good, to get our distinctions and all that, but this seriously eats up our precious "study break"? Haiz... Hope I can cope... Somehow these few days I seem to be becoming quite irascible, flaring up here and there... Samuel sometimes makes me blow my top... Yelled at Beier about 2 weeks ago cause he did something pretty dumb... Haiz...
Also, this is the last week in CHS, officially that is... 4 years just went by like that... Guess I'll save the reflections for Friday... Haha... As each of these few days pass, we'll experience the so called last official lesson for various subjects... Yesterday was S.S, today was PE... Tomorrow will be Humans, both pure and elect... Thursday will be the sciences and maths... Friday heard that it will be English all the way... Saturday still must come back... -.-
Soon, we'll all be seperated... Seriously speaking, I think I'm going to miss a lot of people after all this... My classmates, friends, even tuition-mates... Like in science tuition, met some pretty nice people... Chinese (last time) could see You Yue... Last time also met this guy called Clement from RI... Met some other people in this tuition too... English, got to know Jia Yong, also met an old friend... Gonna miss the NP guys too... My squadmates as well as my juniors... Not forgetting to mention the teachers... Haiz...
Last few days in CHS.... 13 days to O levels, a turning point of our lives...
Sometimes, you just want to say something to certain people, like a simple "sorry" or something, but somehow, I just can't bring myself to say it, I'm too much of a coward... Some many regrets, for what I had said, for what I had done, the foolishness and immaturity... Haiz...
Saw this from a poem we did for unseen practice during Lit... I find it damn cool... It's not related to anything, just sharing it...
It seems only yesterday I used to believe there was nothing under my skin but light If you cut me I could shine but now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life I skin my kness, I bleed
Damn cool...
Anyway, Happy Birthday to Jeanie! Happy very Belated Birthday to Chiu Yang! (2nd October) Also Happy early birthday to Chester sir! (9th October)
Found a song that's again not very new, but still I find it very nice...
When You Believe (Prince of Egypt theme) -- Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston
Many nights we've prayed With no proof anyone could hear In our hearts a hopeful song We barely understood Now we are not afraid Although we know there's much to fear We were moving mountains long Before we knew we could There can be miracles, when you believe Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill Who knows what miracles you can achieve When you believe, somehow you will You will when you believe In this time of fear When prayers so often prove in vain Hope seems like the summer birds To swiftly flown away Yet now I'm standing here My heart's so full I can't explain Seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say There can be miracles, when you believe Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill Who knows what miracles you can achieve When you believe, somehow you will You will when you believe They don't always happen when you ask(Oh) And it's easy to give in to your fears(Oh...Ohhhh) But when you're blinded by your pain Can't see your way straight throught the rain Small but still, resilient voice Says love is the relief(Ohhh) There can be miracles(Miracles) When you believe(Lord, when you believe) Though hope is frail(Though hope is frail) It's hard to kill(Hard to kill, Ohhh) Who knows what miracles,you can achieve When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow) Somehow you will You will when you believe You will when you You will when you believe Just believe...in your heart Just believe You will when you believe
Ok, seems like I won't blog much today... Shall once again, push back whatever I wanted to say till the weekends I guess... Woke up at like 11am today... Wasted the morning... Crap... Stayed at home and did work all the way, ok fine, not ALL the way... Haha... Did compre, one letter, one speech as well as some very tedious differentiation/integration worksheet that I got from Mrs Tan... Took damn long to do... Today there were quite a number of good television shows on, too bad I was unable to watch them... Haiz... Oh yah, heard something on Tuesday... It perhaps showed that I might not stand a chance at all... Then again, now's not really the time to think about this... I don't think I'll ever even come close, no matter what I did in this case... Nevermind, I shall not think of it now... I hope... Zzz...
19 days to O levels... I don't feel prepared... Crap... There just isn't enough time left... Argh... My Humanities especially!!!
A song that is probably relevant to now... Not unfamiliar to CHS people... Haha... It's nice, really...
On a lighter note, I'm still glad we as people of 4-10 have grown quite close to each other... Hope that we can remain like that even after JC...
