I guess like they say, miracles only happen once. And that miracle already happened 2 years ago. Right now, the true limits to my abilities are showing very clearly. And I can't seem to go to higher levels no matter how much I try. I freaked out, I couldn't think fast enough. I couldn't think well enough. I'm a disappointment and a failure. I'm sorry that that is all I seem to be capable of. My entire JC life seems to be an utter failure up to this stage. Everything single thing has gone wrong. Effort just doesn't seem to be proportional to results
It's already at this stage and all I'm getting is getting thrown back to ground zero again. Would they not stop till they see me actually break into many pieces? I'm not ready, but time isn't a luxury. I would exchange anything just to get the mental capabilities I had 2 years ago. Cause I really have nothing left, not even confidence. I've lost it all
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