Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond

Disappointment. That's a perfect word to describe whatever's going on. Hate to start a blog post on such a subdued note, but I think that's just been the kind of mood plaguing me for the past few days. Anyway, pt on Thursday morning. Was raining so we couldn't run and stuff, ended up doing upper arm exercises. Damn funny Yong Le forgot to pass down the second relay then some people didn't know about training haha. Ended of training with some basketball. Damn fun haha. Went for pw meeting. Spent almost the whole day doing pw, stoning and stuff. Went to Island Cremery with some SH25 people. Went back to school for YLTC briefing. Group seems not bad. We're called Honey haha. The camp seems quite interesting, 2 days in Sarimbum and 3 days in some place in Malaysia. Oh well, half looking forward, half not, dunno why lol. As Darrell said, it's just another ATC again, yeah maybe lol. I feel like a cadet again haha. Met Jonny for dinner at J8. Talked for damn long. From the food court to coffee bean haha. Only left at like 11? Then I was crazy enough to accompany Jonny to Serangoon and took 70 home. Slept on the bus and got woken up by the driver lol. Came back at 12 lol. Friday, woke up late zzz. Went to school, pw meeting again. Lunch at Coro. Met Hongliang!! Long time no see man! Hope to meet you again at the Charlie gathering!

Met A4 people for dinner at Fish & Co. Went to Icekimo after that. Met Qiu'en who was working there. She actually recognised me haha. When I first saw her I was like wait, is that really her? Small world man haha. Yesterday wasn't much. Woke up later than usual, like 1pm, tired luh. Evening met Terence, Ken, Yong Jie, Yibin and Jun Wei for dinner and LAN. Damn fun. Then Yibin went to hang my phone, couldn't access my inbox for a while lol. Luckily it's ok now haha.

I failed in my duty, not sure why things are turning out like that, but I hope things will turn out for the better soon. Then, for another thing, once again I find myself in a similar situation. This time, luck's just not on our side, not on mine, the situation sucks, and now I'm being seen as nothing, once again. Wts seriously. Giving up is damn tempting, cause no point fighting another losing battle and giving yourself unnecessary burdens to think about right? I just don't know.

Was talking with my Dad in the car on the way to school one of the mornings. Once again I was asked what kind of University course I wanted to go for. Well, up till now I still haven't thought of what I really wanted to do. Well, secretly my dream course is to do Law, since it seems interesting. One friend in passing mentioned that she wanted to go for law as well. Hence it brought me back to this topic. Then again, when I heard of the criteria to get in I was like wts. 4As with GP A or something like that to even get considered for the interview and stuff. The criteria simply put me off from that little dream. In that case, what should I go for? Still undecided on what to do..

Speaking about dreams, when we were young, it was okay to dream, to have the wildest fantasies to what we wanted to do, what we wanted to achieve in life. Some dreams that we set, we followed them. But that was when we were young. Now, as we become more mature, more understanding about the world, more exposed to everything around us, we slowly see these dreams dwindle and even disappear. For me, all the wild thoughts about having agood job, being successful and stuff, slowly but surely, everything seemed to dissolve and disappear, because sometimes, even if we don't show it, we know in our hearts that it would be almost impossible to achieve some things. Somehow, such a thing has been implanted in my mind over perhaps this year or something. Has my ability to dream been vanquished? To better put it, have I given up on dreaming perhaps? I don't know. Everything I ever wanted to do and wanted to achieve seems like such childish and naive thoughts that I started giving up on them. So the question is, which dreams are those that are childish, and which are those that will help? Points to ponder for self.

Ok, bunch of ranting back there. All in all, hope that stupid subdued sian mood will ebb away soon. Feeling totally sucks. Maybe I'm just too affected by some minor incidents that I end up forgetting all the little things in life that make it meaningful, maybe these little things are the cause too, I don't know. For some reason, I think the weeks before promos might have been one of the better moments I enjoyed. Bah, whatever. Going crazy. Feel like sleeping already -.-

Happy Belated Birthday Rena!!

For those who don't know, Avenged Sevenfold is one of my favourite bands at the moment. The tune of their songs really attracted my attention. Here's featuring one of them. Might describe the mood, I don't know. Nice piano tune still lol.

Song of the day: I Won't See You Tonight Part 1 -- Avenged Sevenfold



Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and loved

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me,
You're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone.
Please don't follow me tonight
And while I'm gone everything will be alright

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

mentally challenged @ 2:50 PM