Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond

Sometimes I ask myself: Why can't I fight for my dreams too? Or are my aims simply too absurd? Or am I fundamentally, not what I think I am?

mentally challenged @ 8:17 PM 1 comments

Happy Birthday my dear cousin!! (:

mentally challenged @ 10:22 AM 0 comments

Another friend's father just passed away recently :/ The harsh reality of life never fails to find its way back to us. Here I was complaining about stupid things that all seem so childish now, complaining about how life in camp sucks and that I have to book in on a sunday, when there are greater battles out there that people are fighting. 幼稚..

Stay strong my friend, my prayers go out to you tonight


Seperate side note, endure till the end of exams my friend! Nearly there!

mentally challenged @ 7:53 PM 0 comments

More thoughts since yesterday. With our time in training phase coming to and end soon, I can't help but surface this thoughts into typing, just to let it out. I guess the inate instinct in me is to always try to aim for the best. Though my actions don't really show it, there's always that feeling of wanting to achieve something. Maybe it's the way I was brought up, I always wanted to be someone who was respected by others. Over the years in the things I did, I did try. In NP I wanted to attain the rank of SI, cause in those days the ranks and badges were everything. As a CI, I hoped to be one who was inspiring and able to influence the juniors to become better people. As a floorball player, I wanted to be one of the best in terms of skills and an asset in the court. As the Captain once I wanted to be able to get the team to get out of the so called 'poverty cycle', as well as to train the juniors well, at the same time bring up the name of the CCA. Obviously I failed in quite a lot of those dreams

Now I just hope to achieve one of the dreams since becoming a CI, to be able to wield a sword for comms parade. But no chances at the moment cause of some reasons :/ Haiz

mentally challenged @ 10:21 AM 0 comments

又回到最初的起點, 記憶中妳青澀的臉, 我們終於來到了這一天. 桌墊下的老照片, 無數回憶連結

Watched 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 at AMK Hub with Leon, Wai Yinn and Eugene today before the bbq at his house to celebrate his birthday. The movie really had quite an impact on us I guess, especially on WY, Leon and myself. In short, I feel the movie was really well made, with a storyline that's somewhat dramatical yet realistic. The comical parts of it did lighten the mood of it, yet at the end I think the director managed to get the viewers feeling almost the same thing. It really is a nice movie, definitely worth watching, if not a few times at least

The 3 of us were still kinda affected by the movie up till now, basically cause we could in a way relate to it in one way or another. For myself, it kinda brought me back to thinking about last year again. I might have exaggerated some of my thoughts along the way, but the essence is probably the same. Putting effort for someone, in the end the story doesn't go the way you hoped it would be. As we discussed, it definitely sucks to see the person you really care for love someone else. The movie did depict a typical example of life how we never know whether the decisions we make at that certain point of time would have changed our fate, with things or with people. Once simple sentence or action could have moulded the future happenings. Along the way, could we have missed our chances with the ones we love? Perhaps we are too young to be reflecting so far in our lives. Still, for some of the things we went through, the simple question: Could it have been something else? Something better? I remember somewhat caring a great deal about the person, I remember doing all sorts of stupid things for her, trying to get her attention and stuff. She was the first person I got flowers for, it was a pretty epic decision, but well guess the in those moments my mind came out with crazy ideas. Sadly, nothing came out of it. I really had to force myself to forget about her cause I had to study for A's. I admit at times I had to force myself to purposely ignore her presence to prevent my emotions from going roller coaster. Nowadays I somehow wished I didn't have to resort to that. Days passed and I guess I really had to thank my classmates for helping me to keep my mind off things. I still remember the day of the 24th of July. It was the afternoon which I walked a great deal from AMK central to Bishan on foot to head for tuition, crying along the way, torn obviously. Think I took an hour or something. Thankfully I bumped into Wen Qi on the way which brought me back to my senses a little. It's been more than a year since all that happened. Yet I've no idea why it keeps coming back to me like a boomerang. The harder I throw, the more it comes back. I took a helluva time to get over it, perhaps I never really did. I remember someone telling me a statement that 'There are some things which I didn't know' about your decisions and stuff. Maybe. Perhaps I would never know, like in the movie how the path was set for them two main characters to be together, but the unknown took them to a different fate. Some things might be better off not being known either. The only consolation from all this? I guess I can only be grateful that our friendship managed to be salvaged. Initially I wanted to resort to the so called bitter method of 'okay screw this I don't want to see your face again so I won't have to remember anything and be hurt by my own memories'. I realised there was no point actually. I saw it as that once you pushed barriers with your heart and it fails, yet it remains peaceful, the person becomes a different type of friend. Like her, she became a really special friend to me, someone you still care dearly for. In a sense, I'm still grateful nonetheless. It's gonna be really hard thing to watch her be with someone else and give your blessings for her. But like they say, if you truly care for that person, you'll be happy for her no matter what.

Leon and I were kinda discussing about how school is quite a nice time to build the '感情' in the starting part of a relationship, cause of the common medium of school where you can sort of spend time without compromising travelling and stuff, in a way. Guess we might not ever experience something like JC life again. And hearing how busy uni life is from people, and knowing how I'll get myself wrapped up in ten thousand things again, we might never have a chance again?

Since then, maybe it's partially cause of army and stuff. The things I used to believe in didn't matter anymore. I can't bring myself to experience those rushes of emotions like last year when it first started out. I admit I can't exactly say there haven't been chances, several doors definitely opened with time but my own mind seems to have been blocked, blocked by fear, blocked by a somewhat maturation? I seem to consider so many things now, the endless what ifs seem to get the better of me. I find it hard to feel sometimes I admit. Only the immediate happenings seem tangible to plan for. I remember adopting the outlook of 'Live, Laugh and Love' in life after that period. That perhaps shaped a bit of my current thinking. I can give my all for you, anyone who I deem as I would like to have you in my life, friends and family. It'll just be nice if others would do the same for you. Quoted from the lead male actor in the movie: 'I hope to make the world feel a little better because of my presence.'

In this aspect, I came to realise: sometimes it sucks to be growing up. you start to lose the innocence of your thoughts, you start to believe less in the intangibles like affection, sentiments, appreciation for simple kindness. And one of the hardest things about growing up, is learning to let go of those things and people that were once dear to you. And when letting go, we have to be understanding that things like that occur in life. Still, we continue what we do, hoping that those who mattered won't forget you along the way, hopefully the relationship won't fade with time. To some sentiment freak like myself, it'll be damn hard to let go of stuff, seeing how I keep revisiting NP, CHS and NJ and stuff. I'll have to learn someday I guess.

It's been a long while since I purged out so many of my thoughts here. Feels a little better, somewhat. Hopefully this won't affect anyone but myself. Not as though I wasn't in the wrong for any of the mentioned things. The readership of my blog is kinda negligible nowadays so I guess it doesn't really matter. Just some of my thoughts here. Perhaps it's the sudden influx of thoughts showing a lack of self esteem, more on that another time. Or perhaps it's the recent spam of songs from The Script that has been affecting my thoughts.

So all in all, as we walk on with our backs to the ashes of the past, how would life go on from here?

The movie has an amazing song to accompany it. Really touching and meaningful, I really enjoy it

《那些年》-- 胡夏


又回到最初的起點
記憶中妳青澀的臉
我們終於來到了這一天
桌墊下的老照片
無數回憶連結
今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　
故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　
妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳 擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

mentally challenged @ 12:16 AM 0 comments