I'm not sure what kind of limbo I'm even in now. Everytime I go in, I always seem to forget everything, my dreams, my aims, my thoughts
It was a rough afternoon yesterday, fell terribly sick, on off fever and giddiness plus diahorrea. Attn C for 2 days, booking in tonight, to LCK
Maybe it's the bloody sickness, hopefully can recover asap
I almost forgot about it, but now that I did, might as well try to let it out here. Today marks the day, one year ago, everything came crashing down. I don't know why I bother remembering it either, cause it doesn't matter either way
Time to really sleep, no more nightmares please. Night
I can't seem to express my thoughts as clearly as I would have liked to nowadays. Like Shian mentioned, sometimes a pensieve would be nice so that we could contain our memories and our thoughts at that point of time, and pick it up again later, seeing that I can't access my blog whenever I want to due to being in camp
My physical is like shit now, I'm starting to doubt my leadership abilities, in fact anything I've ever done. Was all pretend? A show for people? Taking away all the possible facade, perhaps I am
that weak, that kind of a person. This doesn't apply to just my time here in OCS, but also all the things in NJ, in CHS. Did I deserve anything?
I should stop pretending to be someone who I'm not
Feeling pretty screwed up again zz
This sounds so much like the movies. I always thought that I could get proper focus and stuff by being determined and interested in whatever I was doing. Don't really know how to explain this. Yet just now on the way home for our nights out today, felt damn alert and focused although it was mere walking and stuff. Not sure if it's a bit of fatigue setting in or what. And the reason why I was in that state was cause I was a little bit ticked off by some things that happened earlier today. Shan't bother to mention much, I'm probably thinking too much into it anyway, since it's such a petty incident. Shall not turn to getting worked up just to rev my energy levels up, ain't a good way
Shall breathe and forget it, but I guess I shall just shut up from now on (although I know it won't stay that way for long). How do you work with such people anyway? Like Ben said, play the social game? I'm getting a little taste of what the politics in the outside world might sound like I guess. Points to ponder
A good short-lived break, and now back to AFTC. Will be posted to Lim Chu Kang from next week onwards, I-Hawk.. Oh gosh
We're never good enough for the people we care about
Why the crap does every weekend that I have really important stuff end up at great risk of being confined? Screw this -.- Guess you can tell from here that the test didn't go well zzz
I want to do something, and be somewhere where I actually matter. I wanna matter to people
Adapted from something meaningful I heard in Transformers 3
I really need to let this out
I dunno whether I'm just tired tonight, or something else
I feel like I'm becoming someone I don't know, I feel like I've forgotten all the things that made me really able to feel emotions. I feel like as though my life has lost its direction again
I feel that you could do much more than just me
I don't know who I am right now, I'm pretty disgusted with the standards coming out of myself right now
Screwed up feeling...
Whatever happened to your philosophy? Whatever happened to the dreams you once held, the goals you wanted to achieve? Whatever happened to that fighting spirit that brought you back to earth? Whatever happened to you? Perhaps I don't deserve anything at all
