Follow where your heart leads you, to infinity and beyond

2012-01-29T22:53:00.002+08:00

It's good to have talks like these once in a while, really lets out a lot of things that have been on your mind to someone

Thanks cousie for the HTHT talk today, till now I'm really grateful that we were able to go to NJ together, if not we would not have been this close I guess

(:

Times of change are times of fearfulness and times of opportunity, what it may be for you, depends on your attitude towards them

~Ernest C. Wilson

To those going to Thailand, take care and be safe!

To those enlisting this week, take care too and all the best! A new journey awaits for you (:

2012-01-29T12:50:00.002+08:00

A man of empty promises and meaningless words, that is all, that is all

What are words if we really dont mean them when we say them?

And maybe I'm not ready but I'll try for your love

2012-01-24T01:46:00.004+08:00

Try -- Asher Book

If I walk, would you run?
If I stop, would you come?
If I say you're the one, would you believe me?

If I ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dreams

It's time for us to make a move, cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe I'm not ready
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If I sing you a song, would you sing along
Or wait till I'm gone,
oh, how we push and pull
If I give you my heart, would you just play the part?
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful

Am I catching up to you?
While you're running away, to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth
Cause we are coming to each other to change

And maybe I'm not ready
But I'm trying for your love
I can hide up aboveI will try for your love
We've been hiding enough
I will try for your love
I can hide up above

If I walk, would you run?
If I stop, would you come?
If I say you're the one, would you believe me?

2011-12-30T21:24:00.000+08:00

Bumped into Lillian on the way home from camp just now. In a way, finally we managed to bump into each other properly. It was merely a few minutes of short conversation, still it was pretty refreshing after not having met each other properly for like erm around 2 years perhaps? Good to see that you're well! See you soon hopefully!

Meeting the clique later!

2011-12-21T00:27:00.001+08:00

And so, once again for the things I had always worked for and believed in, crushed not because of my inability, but a physical aspect. After Sec 4, I believed that gone were the days of being judged superficially. I was so wrong

Dear fate, fhanks so much, for crushing my dreams, again

2011-12-11T11:31:00.001+08:00

Hey dear friend, Happy Birthday! (:

2011-11-30T20:17:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I ask myself: Why can't I fight for my dreams too? Or are my aims simply too absurd? Or am I fundamentally, not what I think I am?

2011-11-28T10:22:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday my dear cousin!! (:

2011-11-27T19:53:00.002+08:00

Another friend's father just passed away recently :/ The harsh reality of life never fails to find its way back to us. Here I was complaining about stupid things that all seem so childish now, complaining about how life in camp sucks and that I have to book in on a sunday, when there are greater battles out there that people are fighting. 幼稚..

Stay strong my friend, my prayers go out to you tonight

Seperate side note, endure till the end of exams my friend! Nearly there!

2011-11-27T10:21:00.002+08:00

More thoughts since yesterday. With our time in training phase coming to and end soon, I can't help but surface this thoughts into typing, just to let it out. I guess the inate instinct in me is to always try to aim for the best. Though my actions don't really show it, there's always that feeling of wanting to achieve something. Maybe it's the way I was brought up, I always wanted to be someone who was respected by others. Over the years in the things I did, I did try. In NP I wanted to attain the rank of SI, cause in those days the ranks and badges were everything. As a CI, I hoped to be one who was inspiring and able to influence the juniors to become better people. As a floorball player, I wanted to be one of the best in terms of skills and an asset in the court. As the Captain once I wanted to be able to get the team to get out of the so called 'poverty cycle', as well as to train the juniors well, at the same time bring up the name of the CCA. Obviously I failed in quite a lot of those dreams

Now I just hope to achieve one of the dreams since becoming a CI, to be able to wield a sword for comms parade. But no chances at the moment cause of some reasons :/ Haiz

又回到最初的起點, 記憶中妳青澀的臉, 我們終於來到了這一天. 桌墊下的老照片, 無數回憶連結

2011-11-27T00:16:00.006+08:00

Watched 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 at AMK Hub with Leon, Wai Yinn and Eugene today before the bbq at his house to celebrate his birthday. The movie really had quite an impact on us I guess, especially on WY, Leon and myself. In short, I feel the movie was really well made, with a storyline that's somewhat dramatical yet realistic. The comical parts of it did lighten the mood of it, yet at the end I think the director managed to get the viewers feeling almost the same thing. It really is a nice movie, definitely worth watching, if not a few times at least

The 3 of us were still kinda affected by the movie up till now, basically cause we could in a way relate to it in one way or another. For myself, it kinda brought me back to thinking about last year again. I might have exaggerated some of my thoughts along the way, but the essence is probably the same. Putting effort for someone, in the end the story doesn't go the way you hoped it would be. As we discussed, it definitely sucks to see the person you really care for love someone else. The movie did depict a typical example of life how we never know whether the decisions we make at that certain point of time would have changed our fate, with things or with people. Once simple sentence or action could have moulded the future happenings. Along the way, could we have missed our chances with the ones we love? Perhaps we are too young to be reflecting so far in our lives. Still, for some of the things we went through, the simple question: Could it have been something else? Something better? I remember somewhat caring a great deal about the person, I remember doing all sorts of stupid things for her, trying to get her attention and stuff. She was the first person I got flowers for, it was a pretty epic decision, but well guess the in those moments my mind came out with crazy ideas. Sadly, nothing came out of it. I really had to force myself to forget about her cause I had to study for A's. I admit at times I had to force myself to purposely ignore her presence to prevent my emotions from going roller coaster. Nowadays I somehow wished I didn't have to resort to that. Days passed and I guess I really had to thank my classmates for helping me to keep my mind off things. I still remember the day of the 24th of July. It was the afternoon which I walked a great deal from AMK central to Bishan on foot to head for tuition, crying along the way, torn obviously. Think I took an hour or something. Thankfully I bumped into Wen Qi on the way which brought me back to my senses a little. It's been more than a year since all that happened. Yet I've no idea why it keeps coming back to me like a boomerang. The harder I throw, the more it comes back. I took a helluva time to get over it, perhaps I never really did. I remember someone telling me a statement that 'There are some things which I didn't know' about your decisions and stuff. Maybe. Perhaps I would never know, like in the movie how the path was set for them two main characters to be together, but the unknown took them to a different fate. Some things might be better off not being known either. The only consolation from all this? I guess I can only be grateful that our friendship managed to be salvaged. Initially I wanted to resort to the so called bitter method of 'okay screw this I don't want to see your face again so I won't have to remember anything and be hurt by my own memories'. I realised there was no point actually. I saw it as that once you pushed barriers with your heart and it fails, yet it remains peaceful, the person becomes a different type of friend. Like her, she became a really special friend to me, someone you still care dearly for. In a sense, I'm still grateful nonetheless. It's gonna be really hard thing to watch her be with someone else and give your blessings for her. But like they say, if you truly care for that person, you'll be happy for her no matter what.

Leon and I were kinda discussing about how school is quite a nice time to build the '感情' in the starting part of a relationship, cause of the common medium of school where you can sort of spend time without compromising travelling and stuff, in a way. Guess we might not ever experience something like JC life again. And hearing how busy uni life is from people, and knowing how I'll get myself wrapped up in ten thousand things again, we might never have a chance again?

Since then, maybe it's partially cause of army and stuff. The things I used to believe in didn't matter anymore. I can't bring myself to experience those rushes of emotions like last year when it first started out. I admit I can't exactly say there haven't been chances, several doors definitely opened with time but my own mind seems to have been blocked, blocked by fear, blocked by a somewhat maturation? I seem to consider so many things now, the endless what ifs seem to get the better of me. I find it hard to feel sometimes I admit. Only the immediate happenings seem tangible to plan for. I remember adopting the outlook of 'Live, Laugh and Love' in life after that period. That perhaps shaped a bit of my current thinking. I can give my all for you, anyone who I deem as I would like to have you in my life, friends and family. It'll just be nice if others would do the same for you. Quoted from the lead male actor in the movie: 'I hope to make the world feel a little better because of my presence.'

In this aspect, I came to realise: sometimes it sucks to be growing up. you start to lose the innocence of your thoughts, you start to believe less in the intangibles like affection, sentiments, appreciation for simple kindness. And one of the hardest things about growing up, is learning to let go of those things and people that were once dear to you. And when letting go, we have to be understanding that things like that occur in life. Still, we continue what we do, hoping that those who mattered won't forget you along the way, hopefully the relationship won't fade with time. To some sentiment freak like myself, it'll be damn hard to let go of stuff, seeing how I keep revisiting NP, CHS and NJ and stuff. I'll have to learn someday I guess.

It's been a long while since I purged out so many of my thoughts here. Feels a little better, somewhat. Hopefully this won't affect anyone but myself. Not as though I wasn't in the wrong for any of the mentioned things. The readership of my blog is kinda negligible nowadays so I guess it doesn't really matter. Just some of my thoughts here. Perhaps it's the sudden influx of thoughts showing a lack of self esteem, more on that another time. Or perhaps it's the recent spam of songs from The Script that has been affecting my thoughts.

So all in all, as we walk on with our backs to the ashes of the past, how would life go on from here?

The movie has an amazing song to accompany it. Really touching and meaningful, I really enjoy it

《那些年》-- 胡夏

又回到最初的起點
記憶中妳青澀的臉
我們終於來到了這一天
桌墊下的老照片
無數回憶連結
今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

又回到最初的起點
呆呆地站在鏡子前
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
穿上一身帥氣西裝
等會兒見妳一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的時光
回到教室座位前後　
故意討妳溫柔的罵
黑板上排列組合　
妳捨得解開嗎
誰與誰坐他又愛著她

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想擁抱妳擁抱錯過的勇氣
曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

那些年錯過的大雨
那些年錯過的愛情
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
那天晚上滿天星星
平行時空下的約定
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳
緊緊抱著妳

2011-10-28T22:49:00.003+08:00

If nothing's going to change, then what's the bloody point of feedback in the first place?

Side note, I'm starting to wonder if being a sai kang warrior is really worth it, as it seems to be: The type who gets the least recognition and the most blame (if something goes wrong or isn't done)

But the question is, will I ever be able to shift from this position? My biggest problem ever is hanging on I guess

And screw confinement! Waste time

2011-10-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

Though I don't have a religion, you'll be in my prayers tonight

Really hope things will be alright for you

2011-10-15T11:20:00.000+08:00

Have we really?

2011-10-11T21:56:00.002+08:00

One of the few times when I was more able to express my true thoughts in my journal, in a more subtle manner of course. Felt a little rush of motivation and drive to do some things after that. Perhaps back then I was able to express most things here so my mind was clearer. Perhaps, perhaps not. Hope this little energy lasts at least.

I wanna fight for my dreams with the same passion and drive as last time. Can't seem to find the fight in me though

Glad you guys liked the cookies, study hard all you muggers! (:

2011-10-09T19:44:00.004+08:00

Friends with Benefits with Youen, Joshua, Wei Jian and Lionel. The show was pretty epic, some screwed up humour at the start but the rest of the plot was quite nice. Well like they say, only happens in the movies man. Laughing half the time for the show haha

There'll always be some places that you'll remember cause of some memories there, it can be a corner of your school, a shopping centre, a basketball court or even the void deck of a HDB flat. Simple things sometimes make the most beautiful and meaningful memories, gosh I miss those

Just like the old times, totally made my day

14 more weeks

2011-10-02T23:14:00.001+08:00

I used to see people like you in school everyday, it was somewhat comforting I daresay. I really miss that ):

Hope I won't be forgotten :/

2011-09-18T18:57:00.003+08:00

What is our worth? What is my worth?

Out of my league, I think you definitely deserve better

Hawkeye I, let's just assume next weekend is gone so we wouldn't get too disappointed

I really hate this feeling of being so inadequate, so...(insert adjective here)

2011-08-30T00:56:00.002+08:00

I haven't had much time to update this place, nor do I have the mood to most of the time. The journal in camp keeps me busy with perhaps politically correct thoughts to pen down, well most of the time at least. The most direct solution would be to abandon this place or close it down. But no, I can't bring myself to do that. My blog was the avenue where I could let my thoughts flow and prevent myself from going crazy during the times of emotional roller coasters, especially last year. And it shall continue to be hopefully. Perhaps after this long period and once I'm able to access my blog whenever I want

Somewhere back in the sands of time, I know I left my heart behind. Through this limbo lies a wandering soul, searching aimlessly around. But in the end, perhaps we'll find the answers in this mess, perhaps realisation will finally come through, perhaps it was just in our head all this time

I really have no idea man

2011-08-09T21:04:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Went out for lunch with Chin, Shian, Joshua Tan and Jaron at Old Airport Road food centre there, had stuff like satay and durian/strawberry tau huay lol. Pool at Dhoby after that before meeting my dad and brother for dinner at swensens! Rather pleasant day I guess (:

Maybe the problem lies with me, for whatever that seems to be happening. Oh well, back to camp, ATP tomorrow. Let's try for marksman badge! Back to limbo, wait or is that actually our reality?

Something from TNP as part of an advertisement by Levi's:

When all is said and done, have you done or said enough? Have you just gone along for the ride, or have you steered destiny's hot rod? When you leave this world, did you make it any better than it was when you arrived? All you need is all you've got, your wits and the clothes on your back. Your epitaph is yours to earn, your legacy is yours to make. Go forth

Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned

2011-08-09T00:51:00.005+08:00

Well it's been some time since I did a proper post. This isn't going to be much of one either (compared to those in the past at least), but I shall give it a shot

Quite a number of things have changed so far. Officially moved to LCK Camp II. Shan't bother to comment about anything there, shall just say it's freaking different from AFTC. Had the National Day re-dedication ceremony today. Quite a few scenes today that made me really wonder about the values of leading by example, and those who wear legitimate ranks of commanders. Guess it all boils down to the value of respect once again.

Had a pretty good weekend, besides a small bout of some apparent unhappiness somewhere that affected me pretty much. Other than that, met the 28 guys, some of them at least, met the clique for the food hunt down Chinatown mainly. Had dinner with my family to celebrate mum's birthday. Had a nice chat and walking around with Joanne and Kimberly around town area. Pretty grateful for the fairly pleasant weekend I guess (:

So well, for now specialised phase II is already underway, because of the way things are, my weekends are so fragile. Thankfully we haven't gotten any confinements yet, though I have a feeling we're that close to getting one, and we might just get one pretty soon. Guess this is a part of life

You're going through probably one of the toughest times you've experienced so far, I know perfectly well how it feels. A part of me wished that I could do more to be there to help you as much as possible, but I can't cause I have my own battle here to try to conquer. Hopefully I'll be able to help in any small way or so. Our spirits will always be there cheering you on, and I really hope you'll emerge triumphant at the end of your own journey here. It will be your story to tell. For you, you're going through another new phase of life, something brand new, something fresh. I'm glad that you're taking it real positively despite the evident challenges ahead. It won't be easy for sure. Yet with this phase comes something I more or less foresaw some time back. As of one of my fears, slowly but surely, things will start drifting apart. I can't do much, cause I know it is your future involved here, and it is your life that you should make meaningful and as eventful as possible. I don't want any of this to sound selfish or something, definitely not. Everyone has their own right to live their lives their way. Like everyone else, as you move on to the next chapter, I just hope that the bonds that we share won't fade away just like that. Guess it applies to everyone else too

On the other hand, I guess I should count my blessings that the rest of us here will stay together and fight this fight together. So many people have gone through it, we shall just have to go through it too

I'm in a very strange kind of mood, it isn't exactly happy, it isn't exactly emo. I guess I'm just resigned, and taking things as they come.

Maybe it's the music I've been listening to for the past 1.5 hours or so, or maybe it's the situation whatsoever. So many thoughts keep bombarding my mind, I just wished I had more time sometimes to type it all out here rather than keep it in more often that not

A freaking long way more to go, 22 weeks

2011-07-28T18:54:00.003+08:00

I'm not sure what kind of limbo I'm even in now. Everytime I go in, I always seem to forget everything, my dreams, my aims, my thoughts

It was a rough afternoon yesterday, fell terribly sick, on off fever and giddiness plus diahorrea. Attn C for 2 days, booking in tonight, to LCK

Maybe it's the bloody sickness, hopefully can recover asap

2011-07-24T23:44:00.002+08:00

I almost forgot about it, but now that I did, might as well try to let it out here. Today marks the day, one year ago, everything came crashing down. I don't know why I bother remembering it either, cause it doesn't matter either way

Time to really sleep, no more nightmares please. Night

2011-07-17T00:13:00.002+08:00

I can't seem to express my thoughts as clearly as I would have liked to nowadays. Like Shian mentioned, sometimes a pensieve would be nice so that we could contain our memories and our thoughts at that point of time, and pick it up again later, seeing that I can't access my blog whenever I want to due to being in camp

My physical is like shit now, I'm starting to doubt my leadership abilities, in fact anything I've ever done. Was all pretend? A show for people? Taking away all the possible facade, perhaps I am that weak, that kind of a person. This doesn't apply to just my time here in OCS, but also all the things in NJ, in CHS. Did I deserve anything?

I should stop pretending to be someone who I'm not

Feeling pretty screwed up again zz

2011-07-13T21:24:00.002+08:00

This sounds so much like the movies. I always thought that I could get proper focus and stuff by being determined and interested in whatever I was doing. Don't really know how to explain this. Yet just now on the way home for our nights out today, felt damn alert and focused although it was mere walking and stuff. Not sure if it's a bit of fatigue setting in or what. And the reason why I was in that state was cause I was a little bit ticked off by some things that happened earlier today. Shan't bother to mention much, I'm probably thinking too much into it anyway, since it's such a petty incident. Shall not turn to getting worked up just to rev my energy levels up, ain't a good way

Shall breathe and forget it, but I guess I shall just shut up from now on (although I know it won't stay that way for long). How do you work with such people anyway? Like Ben said, play the social game? I'm getting a little taste of what the politics in the outside world might sound like I guess. Points to ponder

A good short-lived break, and now back to AFTC. Will be posted to Lim Chu Kang from next week onwards, I-Hawk.. Oh gosh

2011-07-09T18:21:00.001+08:00

We're never good enough for the people we care about

2011-07-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

Why the crap does every weekend that I have really important stuff end up at great risk of being confined? Screw this -.- Guess you can tell from here that the test didn't go well zzz

2011-07-02T18:25:00.002+08:00

I want to do something, and be somewhere where I actually matter. I wanna matter to people

Adapted from something meaningful I heard in Transformers 3

2011-07-02T01:06:00.003+08:00

I really need to let this out

I dunno whether I'm just tired tonight, or something else

I feel like I'm becoming someone I don't know, I feel like I've forgotten all the things that made me really able to feel emotions. I feel like as though my life has lost its direction again

I feel that you could do much more than just me

I don't know who I am right now, I'm pretty disgusted with the standards coming out of myself right now

Screwed up feeling...

Whatever happened to your philosophy? Whatever happened to the dreams you once held, the goals you wanted to achieve? Whatever happened to that fighting spirit that brought you back to earth? Whatever happened to you?
Perhaps I don't deserve anything at all

2011-06-27T00:19:00.002+08:00

Pro Term, Part 1: Combined phase 1

Here we go

2011-06-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

Okay it's time I did this blog justice again. First things first, Service Term is over! The weekend before had an almost non-existent weekend. The wing got confined over to Saturday afternoon cause of the apparent lack of discipline of everyone, booked out only at like 2:30pm cause of the stand by area -.- Then, cause our room got raided and was deemed 'not in stand by condition', Wei Lun and I had to book in on Sunday morning at 7:30am for confinement along with like 20 plus others. Total waste of my day there doing almost nothing -.- The week was quite okay I guess, met Jun Long at the camp visit. Had some lectures, then mostly area cleaning lol. Tues had a stand by helmet, then at night there was a fire drill, and suay suay somebody's face had a camo stain, so it became 'WHOLE LOT 5 MINS CAMO ON' That was at 11:35pm approximately, epic fail haha. Thursday was our senior bar presentation ceremony. HENG NO TURN OUT SIA. Sergeant Major decided to be nice and let us off at about 2 plus in the afternoon. Social Night was held at Intercontinental Hotel at Bugis, quite an enjoyable event (: We walked around with Rayson and Si Ying to Macs at Raffles City, till I started knocking out then we decided it was time to go home lol. Thanks Kim for being my date! Don't need sign extra LOL

Friday went back to NJ to collect cert with JX plus join fb training, the attendance was quite disappointing though, so didn't manage to do much. Then talked with Shi Min, Qi Heng and Marvin at The Tea House for freaking long until like 9:45pm lol. Saturday had lunch with family to celebrate fathers' day, then dinner with the class guys. Talked cock, half pool half lan. 3rd July we shall see each other again (: Sunday was the hit around! Managed to meet up with the seniors and those we haven't seen in some time. Had fun, thanks Hun Quan for organising! (: Dinner and talk cock at Kallang Leisure Centre. Was supposed to go for LMSC today, but woke up with a fever -.- Hopefully by tomorrow I can be better to participate in stuff

It used to be my pride, with all the practise and how crazy I was over it. It meant a great deal to me, for things involving something as simplistic as this. Kinda disappointed with myself. Is it complaceny? Or am I simply not good enough?

I'm kinda disappointed with my performance during Service Term, partially I felt damn sian and didn't manage to learn much in that period. I felt that I learnt more in CLM.. I probably hold a record of not holding any formal appointments since BMT, which isn't the case for most people in Air Wing at the moment. Something's really wrong here

Maybe I'm not ready. Then again, maybe you could do much better than me

2011-06-07T22:26:00.002+08:00

What a day today. Only Tuesday and my mood totally got killed :/ Confinement on Sunday due to bunk not being in standby condition zzz. Shall hope that we get to bookout on Friday night still at the very least. Now the only thing that's motivating me is that course is ending next Thurs for Service Term

Lesson on Leadership again today. It's interesting to see the different perspectives of this topic from the many different areas where I've attended such a lesson. Practice what you preach? Ethically upright? What should we do when stuck in a difficult situation between doing the right thing, and doing things right? I guess I can be considered inexperienced in a sense that I have yet to come across situations where I had to make major decisions and stuff. When the time comes, will I be able to make the right decision?

Another random topic to think about: Communication. How is it important, how can we improve it such that we can do things better?

Points to ponder, but it's time to sleep soon anyway lol

I break down, fear is sinking in, the cold comes, racing through my skin. Searching for a way to get to you through the storm

2011-06-05T19:18:00.002+08:00

Glad to have been able to carry out most of my weekend plans (: Left Safti at about 730am then headed home. Met Kim and JX at RP to watch Joanne's match. Last period really damn exciting! Something like what 3 or 4 goals in 3 minutes haha. Went down to NJ for the fb handover. Congrats to the new appointment holders! Had a little chat with some people, managed to meet up with awesome batchmates again (: Wanted to talk to the outgoing exco a bit but didn't manage to say everything useful that I wanted to say for the girls' side due to the lack of time. Don't think any of them would read this, but sorry if I sounded very 'lo suo' and stuff. Just wanted to help a bit in terms of self development, like what others did for me. Had a nice time talking to the guys at the very least. PS for making the rest wait again ._. Visited Dylan at Mt Alvernia, luckily he's fine haha. Ate and talked cock a bit with the rest at AMK Hub before coming home to have dinner with family at Suntec. Woke up late today -.- Met Eugene, Wei Jie, BS, Jon and Leon for lunch and then X-Men First Class! Awesome show! Talked cock at Eugene's house before splitting. Finally he's back from Germany and going for Platoon Sergeant course sia haha. Now damn tired for some reason -.-

Come to think of it, it's now been one year already since we handed over. Makes you think back about the days in floorball, settling stuff, training, or simply having fun. Somehow back then for me I could probably do more things that required physical strength and stuff, but now I can't, like intervals for example -.- Miss the days, but at least the people are still the same awesome ones. Our times as a batch would always be memorable (:

I'm not sure how appropriate this is, or whether I should even be talking about it. It's been on my mind for some time, think it'll be damn weird if some people see this... Anyway, it's been a year plus, I know many screwed up things happened last year. Whenever I try to tell people the story when asked I'm not sure how to go about saying it, cause it's really damn complicated somehow. And people usually give me the 'omg' expression when I'm done. It took me a really long time to get over it I must admit (I'm not sure if I'm fully over it yet to be honest but what the heck) I still remember the dates I think. Before A's I told myself to cast things aside so as to focus, and at times I just had to force myself to totally ignore you whenever possible, to prevent anymore rush of emotions. Slowly our friendship managed to patch back up again, and I'm really thankful for that. I guess maybe the turning point was the chalet perhaps? Since everything that had happened back then, I've seen that you've moved on. Totally not me to be expressing such things on my blog (damn weird to be talking about such stuff), but I still love and care for you, like a sister and probably one of my best female friends thus far. And I appreciate all that you've done for me, especially on my birthday for the past two years, of which they were in screwed up situations but were brightened up very much. I'm thankful for that. I hope I can continue look out for you and help whenever possible, even if you don't know it won't really matter I guess. Hope you'll do well this year, since it's of utmost importance. May the other things be successful too, especially your happiness. All the best (:

Okay finally got that off my chest. Hope it doesn't make things weird or something ._. So it's back to camp soon! Feels weird without the AFEs around. 2 weeks to go for service term! Let's see what the future holds for us. Music shall once again be my company haha

Time to revive the music in my posts

Not Alone -- Linkin Park

I break down, fear is sinking in
The cold comes, racing through my skin
Searching for a way to get to you
Through the storm you...

Go, giving up your home
Go, leaving all you've known
You are not alone

With arms up, stretched into the sky
With eyes like, echoes in the night
Hiding from the hell that you've been through
Silent one, you...

Go, giving up your home
Go, leaving all you've known
You are not alone

Go, giving up your home
Go, leaving all you've known
You are not alone

You go, giving up your home
Go, leaving all you've known

You Go, giving up your home
Go, you are not alone
You are not alone

You are not alone
You are not alone

2011-06-04T00:43:00.002+08:00

Okay I shall first start off by backtracking to 22/5. It was a really crazy day of surprises. Had dinner with my family at Orchard, then went out to buy stuff and then got surprised like crazy by Shian, Siyun and Zhao Ming, cause all three of them crashed my house haha. Really had a pleasant surprise, with the amount of thought and effort that went into the execution of the plan, truly am touched! Thanks loads guys (:

Had a pretty epic week, route march in the most retarded scenario and starting, plus the awesome bbq which ended up with a freaking epic water bomb fight. Real war scenario man. Hoses were used to fire jets and stuff and it was instructors vs the wing lol. Freaking fun man haha. Too bad I can't say much about trainings and stuff, due to being unable to reveal anything more.

Various thoughts that have been on my mind every now and then:

Watched another war movie titled "We were soldiers", based on one part of the Vietnam war involving American troops. I sincerely pray that this would not happen, but as we have to grasp reality, what will happen if a war really breaks out involving Singapore? With a single bullet, a single grenade, a single bomb, a single strike and another human life would be wiped out. What if that infantry soldier there happened to be a friend for example, or even a family member? it just seems so easy for anybody and everybody to die in armed conflict and it really makes you look upon the value of life again. I might not be in a vocation that goes head on with an enemy during engagements, heck I might not even have a chance to take them on. But we've got friends in infantry, signals, engineers etc who are all deployable, who could possibly end up in the thick of the battlefield? I'm not trying to downplay the importance of NS or whatsoever, but rather trying to wonder what would happen if a war were to occur. The violence, the blood, the tears. I sincerely hope that it won't happen to us, and hopefully maybe even the other countries in fact

So thoughts to ponder, how would I want to live my life? The politically correct and most sensible answer is obvious, make the most of it and do what you can. Experiences and mental models shape how we go about our daily activities. Would I be able to put down the negative and harness the power and meaning of the positive? What is our objective?

My thoughts were in a total mess on Monday, it's a bit more straightened out now, but still the important questions don't have answers. Shall continue searching then

At the very least, my plans for the weekend are likely to be able to be carried out now. Few more hours! (:

2011-05-29T01:05:00.004+08:00

Sian, I really can't seem to collect my thoughts and think properly. Everything's in a mess in my head -.- And I have this weird feeling I'm screwing myself up for some reason zzz

Had a lot of thoughts over the week about stuff, maybe I'll type it tomorrow if I have time..

Book review -.-

The question is, are you up for it? Am I up for it? Maybe Eugene was right all along about me not being able to balance it out yet. Points to ponder

2011-05-22T03:11:00.002+08:00

Thanks so much floorballers! The surprise at dinner really really made my day. Thanks Joanne, Amelia, Kimberly, Yuxian, Denise, JX, Kian Ann, Daryl, WAZY, Qi Heng, Dylan, Chieun Wei and Jason!!

It's friends like these that bring light to your life (:

2011-05-19T20:32:00.000+08:00

For the first time in a long time, I felt a little flame of motivation. A flame that told me I really wanna reach the end point. Hopefully things won't go haywire

I really want to make it to January

Other things that don't matter, screw it. My friends and my family make me who I am

2011-05-17T18:27:00.005+08:00

Okay, it's been like 1 month since I last posted here. 1 month so far in OCS, lots of stuff happened. Due to the lack of time I can't say much for now (again -.-). Hopefully will have time this weekend (or not too lazy to blog haha)

Thoughts so far: Will I be able to last till the end? 9 months is seriously a damn long time

Have I become emotionally indifferent? The only thing I can feel is probably anger, sadness and sianness. Why can't I feel that particular emotion? Is it fear? Or is it cause I know it's hard for anything to happen? It's a blank, no matter what I do, nothing's the same isn't it. The way that life is is just so fked up. Maybe I should relook at how I see things. 1 year and it still affects me

18 sucked, 19 and 20 are gonna suck too. Hopefully 21 will be better. Also, nothing else beats home

Points to ponder

So many things you wish to do but so little time, everytime. Haven't touched my floorball stick for what seems like ages already..

Congrats to the BMT dudes for their first bookout!

Looking forward to the weekend!

2011-04-18T00:44:00.003+08:00

Oh wel, block leave was fun. Lack of time so can't elaborate much. Now it's on to a much greater challenge. 3 weeks :/

Hope to see everyone soon. All the best for Nats NJFB!

The fear of the unknown

AKTKWNG: Dunno, just put first lor lol
JX: What else is there to use besides Cbox??
youen: Eh, faster cross over lol

2011-04-13T11:17:00.004+08:00

Okay, I know I've abandoned this place for quite a while. So shall finally update it properly. Since the laast update about stuff's been happening, went for re-SIT test, which was quite fun in the case of the missions. Everyone emo-ed due to the rain, couldn't imagine those that had field camp and SIT test the previous week, which was a heavy downpour througout. 7 times in 5 days according to Eugene lol. The next week was PT week, everyday chiong pt wts -.- That Tuesday had pt the whole day... Ended off with Saturday morning being IPPT (second one for me) and a visit to the Singapore Discovery Centre lol. Had a pass for IPPT cause I only did 7 pull ups zzz. The rest were okay though. 2.4 timing was 9:42, not bad! Oh yeah, forgot to mention that we had the very rare opportunity to have a short dialogue with the new Chief of Army BG Ravinder Singh during our Urban Ops module.

After that, went for re-hand grenade. Throwing the thing was damn fun, too bad didn't get to experience the sound of any C4 block charges lol. Games Day and Recruits' evening was not bad. OC night, Platoon 2 owned the night with our performances and song. The song was a rendition of Grenade by Bruno Mars. Platoon 2 best platoon! 16km was held in the afternoon, first time we heard that there was such a thing called code black or something. Which basically meant it was too hot (and it definitely was damn hot). Had our first Friday bookout on that day too haha. So on Week 9, first 3 days consisted of the rehearsals for our Graduation Parade. Pretty messy and stuff and wasn't used to doing drills with equipment, but otherwise it was okay. Rained a few times. During the breaks and stuff all of us started talking about Pokemon, left everyone yearning to get back and start playing again haha. Was damn sleepy during some of the rehearsals, then heard Leonard Lim got Company Best for Kestrel and woke up with a shock haha. Congrats nonetheless! Thursday and Friday were area cleaning days plus 'iron bedsheet'/'body maintainence'. i.e to say (our CSM loves to use this phrase) sleep lol. Ended off with the 24km route march from SAF ferry terminal, through East Coast Park, through some construction site, then Benjamin Shears Bridge. Damn tiring to tell the truth, with abrasions, aching shoulders and stuff. Good experience no doubt. Finally, the parade at the floating platform! Marching there is a great experience man, the view and the air and the ambience is damn nice! Our favourite part?

"Ladies and Gentlemen (1-check-1), presenting to you from BMTC, the traiiiiiinnnnneeeedddd soldiers!!!!!"

The familiar feeling, like tossing our berets when passing out of NPCC

Overall my experience in BMT was mixed. Didn't really like certain things and stuff. Made a lot of new friends, strengthened current ones like Jun Cen, Dillon, Marcus Tan/Chan. Probably the most important thing I learned in BMT was to treasure my family more. Other than that, was probably to remind myself what kind of a leader I should not be. It was also pretty interesting to see the many different kinds of people around, the good and bad. Yet this isn't all, they say in the units your eyes will be open to much more stuff. So from here, what's next to come? Will I be able to take the next phase of training? Thanks Platoon 2 for helping to spice up the experience. Thanks Section 1 too, see you guys on Thursday haha

For now it's block leave!

2011-04-03T00:42:00.002+08:00

Maybe I'm really starting to understand why people move on. From their CCAs, from their hobbies, from the things they used to love to do. The meaning seems to have disappeared, or maybe it just hid itself somewhere. If I'm out of luck and can't find it, then perhaps maybe it'll be time for me to move on. Not like any other aspects of my life has any meaning at the moment anyway -.-

2011-04-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

Nothing, simply just nothing at all If I want a repeat of last year, all I need to do is carry on. Cause ultimately the only one who suffers is me Simple, yet beautiful, that's what I hoped for. Heck, everyone does. What gives a mere individual here any right to get anything better?

2011-03-13T17:38:00.005+08:00

Well good news is that most of the pain is gone, on and off occassionally. Hopefully will be well enough by tomorrow morning and then can train properly. Congrats to the CHS guys for their first ever B div title!! Congrats to those who did well in several areas, track meet, talentime and friendlies too!

4 more weeks to POP and we are so happy ah! Shall look forward to that. Once this week is over things should be better, hopefully

Endure and fight on, promise me you will too

Pray for all the victims in the recent disasters, Japan and China

2011-03-13T11:36:00.003+08:00

What reasons do we keep ourselves fighting on for?

People, pride, achievement, fufillment?

At the rate you pop into my thoughts, I wished some things were like before, if not more. Funny how we like to ask for impossible things

Side note, might not be able to bookout next weekend cause of the re-SIT test FML. At least there's a chance that I'll be able to do it with familiar people like KB, Eugene and YE.

Miss playing on court, miss talking to juniors D:

Once again, tension over one stupid scholarship application. Is it worth the strain on family relations just for this? ....

In serious need of a moral booster

2011-03-10T23:05:00.004+08:00

On Attn C for today. I really hope to recover quickly, so I can train for IPPT zzz.. Still need to do SIT test another time

What of the sacrifices everyone makes?

So can we go back to all those times in the past?

2011-03-06T14:33:00.002+08:00

So here I am, finally being able to update this blog. It's been quite a while. Last week had our live range for Marksmanship training. Had to reshoot my day shoot 3 times cause of some cock ups here and there lol. Finally passed it though

This week was a very eventful week, the dreaded field camp. Had the 8km route march to the site itself, built the bashar, had lessons on a few things. Shell scrape digging (bloody tiring) lessons and tests, shot blanks etc. Wednesday was the day that field camp was also known for, breaking you down mentally then the letter comes from your parents and stuff. For those who watched 'Every Singaporean's Son' would know this occurs. However, the video wouldn't allow an outsider to feel what the soldiers there actually felt at that point of time. I felt that feeling. No surprise, being the softie I am I was one of the first few to breakdown once the strong moving words were being used. Seeing the letter from my parents, I could feel their support for me.

Somehow fate seems to have made me have a few learning phases. Secondary School was the learning of leadership, learning the hard way. JC was learning how to be a person. And now in NS, every since I enlisted, was to simply be closer to my family, especially my parents. Before this, I was always hardly at home, either going out or staying in school for work or for CCA. Going for a camp or something didn't really pull me that hard, though it was away from home. Evene going for RC1 and 2 for CIBTC, staying away from home, I didn't really feel that sense of longing for home. Now I do, every single time. I can't wait to just see my parents and just give them a hug nowadays. I guess this is part of growing up, and understanding things better.

Nearing the end of field camp, I was starting to give up and couldn't really take it. Then while proning for one third alert, I thought of those whom I was fighting for, I thought of those whom I knew meant a hell lot to me. That gave me the strength to endure, just endure whatever shit that just came. My field camp was probably damn laxing compared to some others', but I learnt quite a lot from it

Judgement day was on Friday. Went there numb and exhausted from camp, but otherwise glad to see familiar faces. Another miracle happened for myself, and the class guys in general. When there are ups, there are also downs. Many didn't do as well as they wanted, some didn't deserve what they got, seeing the effort that they put in. The mood was pretty mixed. Like they say, results aren't everything, from now it's all up to how we're gonna do things and stuff. It's all up to us from now on. Stay strong my friends!

Spent a few hours sitting at the Macs near SCGS with the class guys just talking about army and all sorts of stuff. Leon's birthday yesterday, went to his house for dinner after the match. The match was 9-1, lost again. Numb to losing already, but otherwise feels good to be back on court

Back to camp, have to really decide what to do. I really really miss everyone, juniors, friends, family. If only I had more time..

This song was in my head during camp, it kept me awake, and going as well

Need You Now -- Lady Antebellum

2011-02-23T15:35:00.003+08:00

Back from Tekong! Okay actually was back on Monday but was too lazy/tired to blog and stuff. It's been 2 long weeks away from home. First feeling when we get off the bus onto Pasir Ris Mrt was like OMG FREEDOM! Everyone was damn high, as though we POP-ed already lol. So these two weeksin Tekong, did quite a number of things. Got the chance to do the live firing during the weapons demo. Had 4km and 6km route marches with a bloody 20kg field pack. Had lots of other stuff but lazy to say

These two weeks taught me a few things. For one it made me appreciate the stuff I had at home much more (duh). Like washing clothes for example. Washing with just a bucket and detergent well, doesn't clean it that well, but at least it helps. Saw the different styles of teaching/delivering of things, and how different people react to various situations again. Guess this helps you reflect upon your own style, and how it can be improved and stuff. Booking back in in a few hours. Field camp is next week (wtf), as well as the dreaded results day... Lazy to talk about some things now.

One year.. This time showed me something that should have been taken into account like hell long ago. Shouldn't waste time and energy anymore right? Do inform me if there's still space left thanks. At least it becomes clearer now, who does and who doesn't

So which direction to take? To try for command school? Or not? Let's see if the path becomes clearer soon

Some army songs damn nice lol

In the early morning march, with a backpack on my back. With the aching of my heart, and my shirt is full of sweat. And the cold wind blows, let the cold win blow. I know I know, you have to go, so hurry back home, cause I miss you so

Left toe, right toe keep up the tempo! Here we go again, same old thing again....

Till we meet again

2011-02-08T01:30:00.004+08:00

Dear God -- Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there, back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of You
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again, oh no, once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of You
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again, oh no, once again

Well, some search never finding a way
Before long they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold when hope begins to fade

A lonely road crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

Dear God, the only thing I ask of You
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again, oh no, once again

I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes, my heart's always with you now. I won't question why, I hope my prayers have made it through, oh yeah

2011-02-07T23:16:00.006+08:00

Okay, so the week was pretty interesting. Had two dinners with NP people, Monday was at Ramen Play at J8 with Alvin, Terence, SM, Lao Da, Yan Hao, Jawl and Shee Huang. Jia Han also joined in. Tuesday was with Lao Da, Jawl, Pris, Rena, Wen Qi Joe, Rj, Jaime and Zheng Yang. Wednesday went back to CHS and NJ with people. Visited most of the teachers I could find (: CNY was full of activities, played mahjong quite a few times. First year I brought a cam too lol. Sat was match against MJ, lost 5-1 and missed the freaking penalty again -.- Managed to score the consolation goal though. Looking forward to continuous improvement in our play! Stayover at Leon's house. Met the floorball people at Suntec, then airport to send Yan Hao off

There were a lot of things I wanted to put down in typing, but I guess I shall not. Partly due to time constraints, partly due to the fact that it might not be of any deal anymore anyway. Yeah, but well. Just suck it up. Everyone is at perfect liberty to do what they want. On a broader perspective, this is it. Going in tomorrow, hope I won't get owned too badly these 9 weeks lol (:

A new phase starts, and this shall be another journey to make, to learn. Take care everyone! Hope to see some familiar faces in Tekong! See you in two/three weeks! (:

This is the mental challenge to overcome

Songs are some of the best ways of expression, besides providing just entertainment (I think I posted this a few times already lol, ps for the lack of originality haha)

Gunslinger -- Avenged Sevenfold

Yeah, you've been alone
I've been gone for far too long
But with all that we've been through
After all this time I'm coming home to you

Never let it show
The pain I've grown to know
Cause with all these things we do
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you

I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes
My heart's always with you now
I won't question why so many have died
My prayers have made it through yeah
Cause with all these things we do
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you

Letters keep me warm
Helped me through the storm
But with all that we've been through
After all this time I'm coming home to you

I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes
My heart's always with you now
I won't question why so many have died
My prayers have made it through yeah
Cause with all these things we do
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you

I've always been true
I've waited so long just to come hold you
I'm making it through
It's been far too long, we've proven our
love over time's so strong, in all that we do
The stars in the night, they lend me their light
to bring me closer to heaven with you

(Bring me closer)

But with all that we've been through
After all this time I'm coming home to you

I reach towards the sky I've said my goodbyes
My heart's always with you now
I won't question why so many have died
My prayers have made it through yeah
Cause with all these things we do
It don't matter when I'm coming home to you

And with all that we've been through
After all this time I'm coming home to you

2011-02-07T01:09:00.002+08:00

Saw/heard these from somewhere sometime back

Sometimes, a greater change might just bring about greater opportunities

Wherever you go, I hope you find happiness waiting

I needa blog about a few things before going off. Shall do that tomorrow. Freaking tired

Made quite a number of wishes today, I really do hope that they come true, more so for those not pertaining to my own aims in a way, except perhaps A's results lol

I can't abandon these memories, they mean too much, but only to me

2011-02-02T01:07:00.003+08:00

Sometime I really wish I had an older brother to talk to. Like can ask him for advice and stuff, on what to expect. Guess I'm the type of person who isn't comfortable with uncertainty. That way, I can ask him everything, about army, about uni, about whatever that I've no clue about, and whom I can confide my petty little fears to. Oh well, unfortunately I have to be the older one, and sort of the oldest cousin...

And this always happens, you start to wish you could have done more only when you're about to lose it. I suddenly realise some of the things I would have liked to do before enlistment. No time now though. We're approaching the highway, and once you we start, it'll be another whole new journey by itself, and there's no turning back

This feels just like before CIBTC again. The fear from uncertainty. Sian ji pua

I really miss everything. Some part of me wishes I was back in NJ as a student :/

2011-02-01T01:44:00.003+08:00

Was talking to RJ just now about random stuff then came across certain topic.

Over my two years in NJ I got understand many things better. How some things work, how some things should be etc. Having experienced both ends now, of being the perpetrator and the receipient. I've gotten to see things in a different light. Regarding that issue, I don't say I don't regret it, in fact I regretted all that I did back then (and didn't do). Had I been more mature back then, I might even say less materialistic, things would have been much more different. Simply, the fault lies with me, and I haven't exactly forgiven myself.

On the other side, I wondered how stupid I must have looked during the course of it. Yet looking back, it was one of the better connections I had with. Guess situations were one factor, everything else that happened, happened. Whatever. Things remain the same, at least for one hand. The clap won't be made, probably won't happen anyway. Another thing I learned too, is to treasure things more

Many things in life, you don't get second chances. Nationals, cadet life, CIBTC, the list goes on

Reminiscence, of everything that meant something

I will be your guardian, when all is crumbling to steady your hand. Please don't let me go

2011-02-01T01:01:00.004+08:00

Never Say Never -- The Fray

Some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

Picture, you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
To steady your hand

You can never say never
While we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x4]

2011-01-31T02:30:00.002+08:00

Okay, shall update! Since someone said I 'abandoned' my blog haha. So Friday morning, went kayaking at Macritchie resevoir with Joshua, Edmund, Rayson, Jeremy, Lionel, Wei Jian, Gabriel and Jian Zhong. When we went into the water it started raining -.- No lightning alert so we just carried on. We tried going all the way to the canoeists' starting point. The race track is really damn long man. Then the rain got heavier so it made kayaking a little difficult. Epic scenes of JZ and a few others self-capsizing and playing around LOL. Lunch at Prata House where we had the mighty murtabak again! :D

Went down to CHS for NP, really the last time in full u for quite a while. Think I spent most of time with the Sec 3s doing arms drill. Taught arms drill a few times before and it always drained a lot out of me, in terms of having to explain stuff and practise with those learning it. Funny enough, it's one of my favourite type of drills to execute haha. So helped 33rd batch out with their squad leaders. By the end of the session, I daresay they've improved quite a bit, and we managed to accomplish a fair amount of work. SI interviews were held in CHS, saw Mr Goh, and Jawl as well. Hope that it'll be good news for the nominees! Anyway, the last bits of the session, I probably saw some of the better executed drills in the unit, something that I've not really seen for some time (or forgot lol). Hope getting all of them to shout the timing helped them! Before I left, as funny as it sounds, I felt that familiar rush that hey, there's another good reason to continue on and help out. Alas, it has to be on my last training that I experience this feeling. In a way, I regret not being able to see the batch that came in when I came back as a CI 'grow up' properly into NCOs, like I did with say 30th or 31st. If any of them from 33rd reads this, hope that they'll strive for greater heights as a squad! As for 32nd batch, finish your job well and make sure the unit is in a stable condition before you step down! Hopefully I'll get to go back and help them again. Re-inspiration (:

Went down to Marina Square for dinner with Joanne and Kimberly after training, where we ate at Manhattan Fish Market. Some people tried to jack me with 'ice lemon tea', which has gas bubbles in it lol. Then again it was just coke light with sprite lol. Was supposed to go for ice cream at Ben & Jerry's but there was time constraint plus the limit of stomach capacity haha. So I guess I'll have to push back the treat I owe again haha. Great evening out. Went home before going to Eugene Sim's house for the stayover. Usual stuff of crapping, owning Eugene and Halo. And this time, everyone knocked out almost together haha. Woke up in the morning and headed to RP with Wai Yinn and Kim. Dunno why a lot of people went back. Met Karen, Adrian, Kay Wee, Jia Wei, Su Kiat and another senior, in addition to the usual people. Like wow. Had the match against TJ in the afternoon.. Burned out on the train and just slept for almost the entire journey to City Hall. Eugene, Yong Le and I went for the NTU talks there, though we only made it in time for the last session lol. Bumped into quite a number of familiar people. Dinner with family at some restaurant in Orchard. Slept outside the place on the chair while waiting for them lol. Today was nothing much, most significant is probably the reunion lunch at my maternal grandma's house

So to sum up saturday's afternoon: Dejavu. Like wth. Just like last year, similar opponents, though playing with a different team, band on the left arm again. And as mentioned, the result was the same, lost 4-1. I was kinda nervous/hyped up to really wanna beat them this time to make up for last year. Yet, both things that happened last year occurred again. I failed to perform as a player again. And I missed a goal again wtf. My turn drag from hit-in variation 1 hit the post D: Disappointment would definitely be the best term to describe what I'm thinking. And the worst part is that it still bugs me. Sorry guys. K asked me whether I was playing under pressure again. Was I? I dunno, self-inflicted perhaps. Especially since we had support from some friends, I guess I really wanted to make it a win. My level of play sucks. Guess we really need to level up and push it more. Like coach said, for us we can't take 15 mins to warm up anymore. It's Shikai and then bankai from the start. More formidable opponents next week, last match before going in too

Side note, it's been raining continuously for almost the past 2 days already. Gosh

Countdown: 8 days

2011-01-27T22:18:00.004+08:00

Was thinking about this for some time. Watched this movie on the plane on the way to Hong Kong from Singapore during the holidays.
Going The Distance was released last year, starring Justin Long and Drew Barrymore. So basically the story is about how this man and woman meet in some bar in New York, start going out and end up becoming a couple. Erin (played by Barrymore) was still studying and lived in another state of the US. They have a long distance relationship and the movie shows how they go about the process and some problems they start to have here and there.

In a way the fundamentals of the movie made me wonder about lond distance relationships. Well, bringing it down to our own age group first, the longest distance a guy and a girl could be having would be that he stays at one end of Singapore and she stays at the other end. As students that might be a problem but I guess once we go into the working world then little things like these don't matter. However, let's say like within the couple, one of them wishes to study overseas? Or is forced to have move? I have a few friends who seem to be in a situation like this. Simply put, what's gonna happen to the relationship? Well, if both parties are agreeable, the straightforward answer might perhaps be keeping in touch as much as possible? I'm sure there are many cases happening right now for this. The fundamental question would be this, how would one react if presented with such a situation? An extension of it would be a married couple, with say the husband being posted overseas to work. Though for this case the answer might be much more clearcut for some. My own parents went through this too, hence my early childhood days of living in London and Taiwan before returning back to SG. I heard my Sec 4 chinese teacher also relocated for a bit with her husband, probably only coming back in a few years. So there you have it. Of course, circumstances vary across different people so the outcome might be different. Perhaps if one day I should be faced with these situations (more so of the studying seperately scenario I guess), how would/should I react? I guess when (if) the time comes,
then I'll have to think about it.

Just food for thought I guess, I just hope that it didn't sound too pathetically childish, since people my age are supposed to be more 'mature' in their thinking (which I seem unable to follow at times). I was pretty amazed at the depth that people go into for a certain topic we kinda discussed about during the stayover. I guess I still have a lot to learn. At the same time, you do wish you could be more helpful to people sometimes. I realise my abilities are really inadequate for anything in society at this point of time. I really doubt anything I do nowadays, self esteem problem perhaps. Nonetheless, as they say, upgrade. The absence of schooling seems to have made me have the lack of 'doing' things, and I seem to be a little unwilling to do much :/

Okay it's going to be pretty packed with some things for the next few days. On a very random side note, I seem to miss drills a little again. Oh well...

I can't really remember if I posted this before, but it never fails to capture my attention. For those that can appreciate classical music still, I think this performance is brilliant. Humour present, yet it makes classical music really interesting

We Will Survive: Igudesman & Joo + Kremer & Kremerata

2011-01-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

Had a class dinner with 25 people at Just Acia. Before that went to CHS while waiting for JZ to dye his hair lol. Didn't realise they had shooting training so crashed a bit. Shooting still sucks lol. The rain was EPICLY heavy wah lau. The original plan was to go to NJ to run with YE and ZX, no prizes for guessing what caused the change in plans. Ended up at 313 with PY and JZ who were looking for stuff they wanted to buy. Dinner the usual talk cock, 9 of the guys and the iphone gang. Then Lan-ed with WJ, JP, JZ, PY and ZX. I still hopelessly suck at Dota man ._. So that same lot came over to stay. Went out for our mega lunch at Northpoint, had the Shabu Shabu Jap buffet thingy. Damn awesome stuff. Ate from likw 2 plus all the way till 5 haha. Don't need to eat dinner liao seriously. Stuff to look forward to for tomorrow, kayaking at Macritchie! Followed by NP and dinner! (: Hope the weather will be cooperative!

Crappy thing still, my thigh muscles are still aching from Monday ._. Having a hard time walking around sia.. Anyway, Saturday is drawing closer.. OMG

Without malice, at least most of the world that I'm in now has this. Who knows in the near future?

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed - Michael Pritchard

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is over self - Aristotle

The analogy of the mahjong tiles? Consider, think, but taken

It's been all this time and I can't get you off my mind. If you're happy I'll get through somehow, but the truth is I'm not that strong

2011-01-26T12:05:00.004+08:00

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire

All We'd Ever Need -- Lady Antebellum

Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

And I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow
But the truth is that I've been screaming out

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

I should've been chasing you
You should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
Oh you should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe you could've made me believe
That what we had girl
Oh that what we had, what we had
It was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need

2011-01-25T21:14:00.004+08:00

Went back to the course to play after like 2 years of being inactive in golf. Got caught in the rain. My lower body's been aching like crap since the whole day, hard to walk around and stuff lol. Okay nothing much. Blank mind ._.

Wouldn't it be nice, if your dreams came true, even if it's just once?

I tried, I really tried, but Newton's Third Law applies too, as with the workings of the world

My heart melted to the ground, found something true. And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy

2011-01-24T23:28:00.002+08:00

Okay time really flies. Last Wednesday, went down to subordinate courts for CDR with a mentor. Had to take a few notes during the process but the people spoke so quickly that I couldn't really follow lol. After that met some of the 28 people for dinner at AMK S11. The usual talk cock/chit chat. Then went to Macs to watch a replay of some soccer match. Ended off with a bit of pool. Thursday and Friday weren't much, went to do discovery again and a few other things. Met Kim for dinner at Toa Payoh area. Had a nice chat for who knows how long about all sorts of stuff haha. Saturday woke up late for training ._. Couldn't play for nuts man zzz. Joined the class guys at Sentosa after that. Didn't manage to get much of a tan cause I went too late. Dinner and back to the rooftop of Vivo for chit chat. Sunday just went to Eugene's house to play lol

Went back for training with the juniors today, ran 7 rounds with JX and You'en in NJ. Added on 1 set of suicides and lunges before the actual thing. Cui-ed like crazy man ._. At the very least today proved that I'm probably well enough to be able to start my training to regain some of my fitness (: Not that affected by my sickness as much. My resolve for the week! Wanna start some reading for other things too, inspired by Mr Lek

So my attachment ended, besides the painful part of not getting any pay for doing work (not that I did that much either lol) I guess it's been a pretty interesting experience these two weeks. Got to know a bit more about the job of a lawyer, or at least a litigation lawyer. Personally I was a little intimidated by the paperwork that comes along with the job, plus the stress that some of them seem to have to go through. But well I guess like they say, no job is going to pay you to relax and enjoy man. Perhaps I'll consider this as a future career, meanwhile the first barrier that has to be overcome is of course results..... This itself is another major issue, for all I'm sure. I've had a few nightmares regarding A's recently. The most retarded one being handing up a blank OAS sheet for Physics paper 1, with me going in late for the paper and Lionel telling me the answer for the first 9 questions lol. Oh well, this will be brought up closer to March I guess

So some of the fixtures for Div 4 are out. I know that's not the official name but for easy personal reference I guess I'll still call it that lol. First match this Saturday is against TJ, and next sat is against MJ. Starting to have a really bad mental barrier for these two matches, like I always do before important matches. The problem here is that these two matches were particularly impactful for myself, in the sense that I screwed up pretty badly for them. TJ was our first match back in Nats last year, we lost 5-0. I missed a penalty, along with missing like 2 or 3 opportunities that should have been goals. Lost to MJ 8-2 back then, though I didn't screw up that badly, MJ is still well known for really good players and play and stuff. So I guess it's gonna be a really tough fight. Got reminded of this: Most important here in the matches is just to put my 100% and play the match. Have fun in short, without regrets. Funny how I used to be the one telling people this during Nats last year. Guess I had to be reminded of it too. Hopefully Sat will be okay. Thanks (:

Okay think I better go and sleep soon. My lower body is aching a lot from training just now. And talk about suay, got injured a few times today from random incidents zzz

Our mind is really funny sometimes. It's probably extremely difficult or seemingly impossible, but our mind chooses to be funny and tries to create the most impossible but wonderful possibilties, simply put a fantasy scenario. Good or bad I dunno. Maybe it's just me

15 days

Bleeding Love -- Leona Lewis

Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass before you know it you're frozen

But something happened for the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground, found something true
And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush
That comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh, they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind, cause for me it happens all the time

2011-01-18T23:46:00.005+08:00

I can taste my food again! Okay at least the aches and most of the fever's gone, left mainly the blocked nose. Not that bad today. Met a few new interns today, all older than me sia, save for one guy, who's my age too. Somehow I'm like the youngest intern but had the most things to do today lol. Oh and I think my illness dulled my senses quite a bit, freaking stoned today, especially during chit-chat conversations with people zzzz

Something that I came across while helping to type an affidavit for one of the partners today. Got to know the background of the case. This woman apparently walked out on her marriage with her husband and went with her boss, leaving behind two kids as well, like literally walked out of the house one day (of course there was probably some drama prior to the day itself). And wthell was my first reaction. In the later part I discovered that despite her being ordered by the court previously to fufill some duties as a mother, she didn't follow them exactly. In short she wanted to have 'play time' with the kids but didn't want to shoulder the 'responsibilities' that came with them, like fetching them from school or something. I dunno, the way it was done simply shocked me. Initially I was feeling sad while typing, even sympathetic that it was another divorce case. Then came the background info. Wtf.. The kids are gonna grow up with an emotional scar man. But on the whole, this example, along with the other one while helping this partner, the stories that I hear in the real world seem to intimidate me a little. What if this happens to me? From the little that I've learned in these few days at Rodyk, such things take damn long. No matter what the issue might be, adultery, problems or whatsoever, isn't it sad to see people who had formerly taken 'I do' and 'till death do us apart' oaths end up going at each other's throats for the division of matrimonial assets? That includes the custody of the children too, if it applies. Similar thing happened to Jon, 2 years of resolving definitely was long, but luckily he still has support from both his parents physically and mentally. Others aren't as lucky perhaps. I dunno, such incidents just scare me about the real world a bit, cause I honestly don't want to end up going through something similar, or end up causing anyone to suffer long term by my hands in anyway. As much as the first case is an extreme, similar ones might occur. This leads to an important question, what if?

Time flies, it's been two whole years since. At this time then, things were still happy. Funny how guilt from 2 years previously manages to keep catching up with you, as stupid as it might sound. Of course there isn't any question on where the fault lies in that sense, I'm pretty much grateful for how some things are, they could have been worse. Much as I have learned much over this time, am I any more ready now than I was then? Back to the question, what if?

Random note, JZ and I seem to have pretty similar experiences, though undeniably whatever happened to me pales in comparison to his. Nonetheless, at least there's someone to talk to about similar thinkings at times. Whatever.. Once again, what if?

Pride in your work. Over the years I guess many of us would have been reminded of this at least once. I think everywhere I went this thing got drilled into me. Nonetheless we all have to acknowledge that it is a very important attritube to have. No matter what task we're give, do it with the best of your ability. Even if you are juggling many other things, at least give it due consideration, cause that can be your best at that given point of time. I guess pride in one's work can be easily seen in the quality of their assignments. A slip-shot job or a certain level of consideration, I guess those experienced in the respective fields would be able to pick these up really easily. This goes hand in hand with effort I guess. We might complain about it, thinking it's stupid or something, at least do it properly. Points to ponder

Got a call from Panyu just now, who was apparently half drunk or something haha. They were having a stayover at Zhong Xi's place, so it was pretty entertaining to hear the stuff PY was spouting to all of us at both ends of the line haha

Dinner with 28 gang tmrw! (:

PS: It's 21 days to enlistment

This song has successfully moved me, love the tune! Thanks Joanne for the songs (:

Need You Now -- Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping
In the way you did before

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Whoa, whoa
Guess I'd rather hurt
Than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call
But I'm a little drunk
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

Sucks to be sick ._.

2011-01-17T23:56:00.004+08:00

Fell ill today :/ Woke up with this really horrible feeling. Had a mix of fever and body aches and stuff. I have a feeling I nearly had a bout of dehydration or something as well zzz. Didn't go to work and practically just stoned at home the whole day, playing pokemon along the way. Yeah, pretty stoned day doing nothing, unless you count sleeping

I'm pretty amazed at the number (and kind) of possessions I have. Mum was packing all the things that were apparently mostly mine. I guess a lot of the things there were part of a life that I had already left behind, just like a whole lot of other things. Wouldn't it be nice though, to have another enjoyable pokemon card match again?

I don't know whether it's part of the rather depressing mood I've been having lately, or is it just today. I feel damn useless and wish I could do something interesting/productive/meaningful in my life. Once again, another comparison with school life perhaps.. Don't like this empty feeling ._. I really need look more into choices for university courses and scholarship applications (if I really intend to apply)

Though now it's a neutral stand, one day I'll definitely have to make that important choice. The question is, when will I be ready, or brave enough to do so?

One of my favourite pieces to play on the piano (which reminds me I haven't done so for some time)

My Memory -- Ryu

I should get some sleep (again). And I want to play Floorball!

2011-01-16T23:36:00.004+08:00

Quite an interesting day today. Last minute had a bowling outing with Jon, Eugene and Wai Yinn at SCC. Sian still can't match up to Jonny haha. Dinner at J8 after that, Pastmania and I went crazy and ordered a chunk of stuff apparently. Watched 'The Ghosts Must Be Crazy' with Jon after that. First part was really damn funny, couldn't stop laughing haha. However the second component wasn't that entertaining I feel. Got a problem of not feeling well at the moment. Slight sore throat plus runny nose and stuff. Sian -.- Not sure whether to hope I can recover by tomorrow morning or not lol. See how it goes I guess

Some food for thought: Do our manners and ettiquettes deteriorate with time? Some of the little things we learn about manners, being nice and courteous to people. In the adult world, somehow some things seem to become less significant. Sometimes the people who taught us these things are funnily enough the ones who showed this to me too. On other things, it's quite scary/sad how people react to certain things, say in anger or jealousy. The process where even a married couple with kids gets divorced, then they have a legal fight for property, their kids etc.. Somehow I'm a little afraid of the outside world :/ Of course once something gets personal things are also brought to a whole new level. The way people can fight to defend something, or to get something. It's just scary. Quote something from To Kill A Mockingbird, (forgot the exact quote) 'the simple hell that people like to give others...'

Also, I think it's kinda sad that I'll be going to NS without being able to see some people, close friends, classmates, not-so close friends, whatever.. Well we did try for some. Perhaps fate will decide for this. Some day, some time. Side note, congratulations to my seniors who just got commissioned as officers last Saturday!

The clock ticks...

When we learn how to fly, we forget how to walk. When we learn how to sing, we don't wanna hear each other talk

2011-01-16T01:33:00.004+08:00

Found a few more songs by Train. Really nice lyrics that they have for their songs (: Pretty sad meanings, but they do make you ponder about it

The Finish Line -- Train

I thought I knew it all
I've been through the highs, said all my goodbyes
Learned to run before I learned to crawl
It's not worth fighting for if one of us is sure
And one of us is dying, trying to find loves cure

I have waited all my life to paint these cities red
Thoughts I've always had here are stuck inside my head
It's not worth waiting for if one of us wants more
And one of us is dying, trying to find love's door

When we learn how to fly
We forget how to walk
When we learn how to sing
We don't wanna hear each other talk

Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line

And you, you really thought you knew
Everything to do
With holding onto me and holding on
This time is making me slip right through your hands
And now you don't understand
Trying to find love all yourself

When we learn how to fly,
We forget how to walk
When we learn how to sing
We don't wanna hear each other talk
When we know what we want
We forget what we need
When you find who you are
You forget about me

Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line

Ah, ah, ah

2011-01-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, so Friday went back to CHS for NP, probably my last time in full u lol, went for KCP's campfire in the end with SM, Yh and ZQ. Their orientation programme for the Sec 1s is seriously damn interesting! Saturday had training at CHS, ran 2.4km before it started and wth my timing dropped like siao, 11:40 now, SIAN! Training wise we just died, not used to the pace and intensity. We got owned by the combined schools' line lol. Lunch-ed, then we went to Fatpipe, SK changed his blade, I adjusted my new one. Can't get back the same feel yet leh :/ Sunday met Eugene and Jon, talked cock a bit at his house then went for Zheng Yang's birthday party at Aloha. Damn fun for the games we played, especially the part where he had to find his presents in the room (:

Monday went back to NJ to visit the floorballers, waited freaking long for 852 -.- At least can finally take 852 back home from NJ lol... Tuesday, went out for dinner with Mili then had a talk with JZ before going home. Wednesday met Lao Da, Joseph, Zheng Yang, Pris, Wen Qi and Joe to celebrate Priscilla's birthday. Had chicken rice and then scoopz for dessert. Went siao and had 3 plates of rice haha. Thursday had dinner with Jon and got my NS specs. Look kinda retarded :/ Friday met up with the 4A peeps. Siyun, Zhao Ming, Michelle, Melissa, Melvin, Jocelyn and Shian. Clarence joined us impromptu as well haha. Great to meet up and talk a bit (: Next plan is some Ubin outing plus clubbing? LOL!

At the same time, I started my attachment at this law firm called Rodyk and Davidson this week. Have to thank my dad since he knows one of the partners there. It's been a pretty interesting week, no doubt boring initially since I can't do much as an A level graduate. Sad thing is that I don't get paid for my office hours ._. Thus, it's kinda painful to travel everyday with adult fare and have your lunch at CBD (omg) I'm in the Litigation department for Rodyk and my mentors are really nice people. Currently helping another mentor out for this thing called discovery, damn tedious process of going through docs. JOL is another interesting concept, Judge online I think. So instead of having to go down to court just to present some things for the CDR, you can do it online, much more efficient in certain cases I think. Maybe next week will be able to see an actual court session!

Was having a short discussion with my mentor Mr Lek about looking for a job that interests us. He said a few things that made really proper sense. In the past, people mostly stuck to a few jobs, if not just one for their working career. Nowadays, people have more choices, thus we tend to become a little picky for our jobs (some people at least, not all). Mr Lek told me that in some senses, it'll be quite hard to determine what kind of job you'll really like, especially at say 18 or 19 years old, since that we're gonna have to decide our uni courses soon. One possible way is to perhaps try to find something enjoyable about what you do? I was lucky that I managed to really love the CCAs that I had joined in Secondary school and JC, and in certain senses I didn't entirely know what I was doing when I joined them. Hopefully I can learn to love what I do in future too. Points to ponder

A little issue that pestered me a bit, inspired by Shian's post on work. This week itself told me a lot on how with work, our social life starts to become zilch. Already it's quite hard to keep in contact of meet up with friends and stuff, due to our clashing schedules of work. I guess for now it might not be that bad, but once we actually start working to support our families, what will it be like? I guess it's something I'm really gonna dread. I really miss school life now ):

Side note, my internet is finally more stable now with the router set up here. My email has decided to work properly again too! I'm gonna try and make this blog more lively with more posts and stuff now. Also, decided to play pokemon again on the gameboy advance sp, nothing better to do so restarted one of the versions lol

Just discovered this band called Train, their songs are pretty nice (: Shall share them another time!

2011-01-10T01:22:00.004+08:00

Are distance and time really the solutions? As much as I hate it, it's already happening

It's hard to feel anything, with a mind and heart in this state. Apathy, or is it just simply fear of making choices and bearing the consequences again?

Fate has it. Maybe it's really time for me to move on, move on from the things where I placed my heart in, cause I might no longer be able to contribute what I thought I could. I might never have been able to do so in the first place

Angst, clear it all, please.. Useless piece of crap

Fate twisted it around, but time and space tore it apart, bit by bit..

PS, I need my email to freaking work properly, kns..

2011-01-06T23:47:00.002+08:00

Okay, I shall finally update this place. Been pretty busy running around doing stuff. So yeah, the trip to Taiwan was pretty good overall, some stuff happened on the last night which wasn't so pleasant. Guess I shall try not to dig up unhappy memories... Came back, went for Annual Hike the next day. No comments for it, just hope I wasn't babbling rubbish again at the last bit. Went for BPS campfire, damn interesting setup! On the 31st, went to Leonard's house for the stayover/countdown. And so we welcomed 2011 with random talk cock, mahjong and a PS3 haha. Mahjong-ed the whole night, damn fun haha. Lost a lot then won back almost everything. Heng ahhh. Morning we went to eat, then end up went back to Leonard's house to talk cock haha. Yibin, Leo, Ken, Jason and myself. Had a very long chat about relationships stuff, gotta admire someone's style, last long man (: After that we watched Shutter Island on the PS3, one damn zai movie that totally screwed our minds up, similar to Inception haha. Awesome show! Then on Saturday evening, also New Year's day, went to Eugene's house to stay this time. Jon, Eugene, Wai Yinn, Boon Siang and joined by Leon. Mahjong-ed a bit again, played some random games here and there after the barbeque. Lunched with them (a bit) then met Jaron and Wei Jian who came over to discuss chalet stuff. Ended with dinner at S11 with Joshua Tan, You'en, Wei Jian and Gabriel.

Had the 09SH25/27 chalet from 2nd to 4th Jan. Had quite a bit of trouble during the planning stage on Sunday cause of some reasons. Oh well whatever then, they're your choices, I can't say I've not tried right? Pretty disappointed though, I have to say. Okay whatever screw this. Checked in to NSRCC with Jacob and gang. The bungalows are really nice! Awesome design and stuff. Still have mahjong table, cable tv, dvd player and stuff. Played a bit of Mahjong then some drinking game set up by Wei Jian haha. Got a bit kranky at one point cause of the vodka lol (of course got mix with stuff lah) Had the barbeque. The arrival of the two Mr Tans was pretty funny cause ZX was looking at some other people behind them but didn't notice their presence. It was funny in context haha. Mr Yew and Mr Chong came as well, though Mr Chong had to leave early. Damn fun talking to them and stuff. Even got drinking game again man haha. At night, Xbox360, cards, mahjong and more random shit. Jian Zhong and Panyu got DAMN high, all crazy liao haha. Next morning, went to Tampines for lunch and to get supplies. Went back for basketball, play until damn shuang haha. Played bowling too. Dinner was ordered-in Pizza. SH27 was damn suay cause it started raining and their bbq got affected quite badly. Rest of the evening was spent watching more Stephen Chow movies, and then another round of drinking game to clear the excess drinks haha. Got damn tired/dunno what halfway then cui diao. Morning, went to Dhoby for lunch with Nigel, Panyu, Lionel and Joshua. Panyu left then the rest of us went back to NJ to watch the full dress for walk-in. Came home and cui-ed lol

Overall chalet was really damn fun. Great company (: Thanks guys for making this chalet real awesome, despite those having to run around and head out during the day for stuff. Looking forward to the one during our block leave after BMT for SH28 guys! :D

My mind's a little clogged up with thoughts, like since the trip. Haven't had the chance to blog to clear my head. Hopefully this sian feeling can clear soon.. Reflection post shall come soon (No, not the mirror and the envelope, Kim -_-''')

Kinda forgot the feeling, but it should be nice if done properly right? Side note, haven't had one like that for some time, felt a little happier cause of the virtual company (:

2010-12-25T10:35:00.001+08:00

Don't really have much to say I guess, my mind's a little stoned, can't think...

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone! (:

2010-12-23T22:51:00.003+08:00

Greetings from Taiwan! The past 3 days have been quite nice. Tuesday took the plane to HK, transfer flight got delayed or something. Reached Taipei city. Next day took a train to this area called Hua Lian. So far we've been looking around the area and stuff. The scenery at the mountain areas is really magnificent. The food's quite nice too! Heading back to Taipei city tomorrow. Christmas in the city lol.. Too bad didn't get to bump into Wazy lol. And I realised my Chinese is really horrible zzz

Side note, sucks to be treated like a freaking idiot :/ Then again, luckily the other one would be more capable huh, don't have to worry them so much

Really random, but I suddenly felt like playing floorball halfway during the day lol. Must be cause I talked to SK on Monday lol. Oh well, anyway hope the next few days shall be interesting! And my phone has no roaming so I can't connect to any service provider, can't even make calls during emergencies like when I'm lost or something, sian.. Luckily wherever I'm staying has internet haha, a slight consolation at the very least

Yeah, maybe distractions are the key. Oh well

This broken heart can still survive, with a touch of your grace. Now that we're here, now that we've come this far, just hold on

2010-12-20T23:58:00.004+08:00

Met Jun Wei and Kah Hoe for lunch at Northpoint just now before going to Leonard's house. Saw Lillian at Northpoint (: Played Deal, PS3 and then real soccer at the same basketball court that we played at after POP haha. Played with some kids in the end. Old man team ftw! After that the whole lot of us went to Northpoint (again) for dinner. Left with Kah Hoe in the end since I couldn't stay over. Everyone's still as funny as ever haha. 29th! (:

They say that if a song, or a movie is able to move you with it's content and it's meanings, it's successful. Maybe I'm the type who's not as critical as others, whatever that seems to grab my attention and attracts me with it's tune or concept is probably going to be a song/show that I'll like. Recently, I seem to have been moved by quite a number of shows and songs and stuff. Maybe it's the 'goodbye' mood thingy. To be honest, I'm really dreading this upcoming period when I have to start saying goodbye to people. Call me paranoid, I guess I'm just really scared of losing those I've gained an attachement with. Logically speaking, yes I won't really 'lose' people. Oh well. Guess having NS as the next phase of life seems to have put an entire block in my view of the immediate future :/ ZK told me the other day that his mum told him that one shouldn't have too much an attachment to anyone, or even anything. Cause it'll be really hard to let go. As much as the statement has it's merits, I might not totally agree with it. Then again, I'm probably one who needs time to let go of things that I'm really attached to. With people going overseas and going different directions to their paths of success, what's next? CHSNPCC 29th, NJ Floorball, what'll be the next to play as a major component of my life?

On other things, this was the part that I once knew, this was the part that's all too familiar, this was the part got me in.. This is probably a rare instance of one whom I really managed to really connect and relate to. Not often does this occur, especially with them. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself before this, but it wasn't really true in the end? It's pretty unfair to people if inaccurate concepts are established isn't it? Seeing beyond the imperfections might give one the bigger picture. Might have said things that meant otherwise, but I guess I'll just acknowledge the truth. Difficult as it may be at present, I'll just stay true to that cause. No one has to know, do they? Sometimes fate has a funny way of proving certain points to you, like how my initial discontentment with people got resolved. Maybe this was part of the plan too lol. Another paragraph created from a wild and abstract though lol

It's funny also how we seem to be who we are based on what we're exposed to. Like we tend to learn a bit from anything we go through. Personally, who I am seems to have been influenced by all those around me. Take the style of how trainings are conducted in NP when I go back for example, there's always a word 'gentlemen' coming from me. Influenced by Mr Julian Teo lol. It's interesting to see what I learnt from you, you and you too. It's an amalgamation of exposures lol. People react differently to different things as well based on their own experiences and personalities too right?

Alright, so leaving for Taiwan tomorrow morning. Hopefully the trip will be fun. Though I admit I'm not that excited, since Christmas is going to be spent overseas again :/ Wanted to go out and spend it with friends for a change, oh well. Should appreciate this trip still. Would probably be harder to have family trips in future after this.. Whatever the case, to all my friends out there, Merry Christmas in advance! Hopefully can get internet one of these days in the hotels (:

Also, to my fellow Charlie-ans of D'08, Happy second year anniversary! (:

Moved by this song, discovered it during the singing session last week lol. Part of the phase of inspiration for this past week (:

What About Now -- Daughtry

Shadows fill an empty heart as love is fading
From all the things that we are but are not saying
Can we see beyond the scars and make it to the dawn?

Change the colours of the sky and open up to
The ways you made me feel alive, the ways I loved you
For all the things that never died
To make it through the night, love will find you

What about now? What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late, what about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes to start a new day
This broken heart can still survive with a touch of your grace
Shadows fade into the light
I am by your side, where love will find you

What about now? What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late, what about now?

Now that we're here, now that we've come this far
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear, for I am right beside you
For all my life, I am yours

What about now? What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now? What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late, baby, before it's too late
Baby, before it's too late, what about now?

It hurts to say, I've tried to hold on as you slowly slipped away. Come back again, it's almost easy

2010-12-19T21:22:00.004+08:00

Okay, main thing on Friday was the mini outing with 29th. Couldn't wake up in the morning so decided not to go for whatever I had planned for initially. Went to CHS at about 4, as usual everyone was late lol -_- Next earliest was Cliff, so just played a bit first. Started raining so used the indoor court. My shots all off sia zzz. So in the end, played a few games of basketball with Leonard, Yibin, Wei Rong, Clifton, Kah Hoe and Kian Boon. Played until about 7, joined by Jason, Benjamin and Jun Wei. Headed for dinner at the green plate chicken rice!! The one near the bus interchange. Awesome as usual! Side note, I lost my right contact lens on the way to CHS -.- Damn annoyed. Okay after that headed to AMK for Lan at Raiders. CS-ed a bit, then everyone got tired haha. It was nice meeting everyone again! Tomorrow another gathering at Leo's house haha

Yesterday, woke up late (again ._.). Went to Tanglin C.C to meet Jaron, Nigel, Panyu, Zhong Xi, Wei Jian and World Champ lol. Played basketball and badminton. In the mid day sun lol, so got a little sunburnt haha. Everyone cui-ed after like two hours. Went Just Acia at Dhoby for lunch. JZ left his wallet and handphone there after the meal -.- Win. Luckily he managed to get it back man. Lan-ed a bit. Played Dota hahaha, still kena owned, though for the first time I managed to hit beyond level 20! Progress! Hahaha :D Met my family for dinner at Turf City, then Jon, Boon Siang and Wai Yinn came over to stay. Played deal, talk a bit then the usual Halo. Then everyone knocked out. All cui diao haha. Nothing really much today, save for the arrival of some new furniture

Nuts, my internet connection sucks at the moment zzz... And not exactly in the right state of mind to type stuff ._. Another time then. On another note, whatever happened to not being useless anymore to them? :/

It's almost easy to say, but truth be told. It isn't exactly what it seems, for one side at least

Almost Easy -- Avenged Sevenfold

I feel insane
Every single time I'm asked to compromise
'Cause I'm afraid and stuck in my ways
And that's the way it stays
So how long did I expect love to outweigh ignorance?
By the look on your face I may have forced the scale to tip

I'm not insane, I'm not insane
I'm not insane, I'm not… not insane

(I'm not) Come back to me it's almost easy
(Sad it all) Come back again it's almost easy

Shame pulses through my heart from the things I've done to you
It's hard to face but the fact remains that this is nothing new
I left you bound and tied with suicidal memories
Selfish beneath the skin but deep inside I'm not insane

I'm not insane, I'm not insane
I'm not insane, I'm not… not insane

(I'm not) Come back to me it's almost easy
(Sad it all) Come back again it's almost easy
(You'll learn your lesson) Come back to me it's almost easy
(But still you fall) Come back again it's almost easy

Now that I've lost you it kills me to say
(Hurts to say)
I've tried to hold on as you've slowly slipped away
I'm losing the fight, I've treated you so wrong now let me make it right
(Make it alright)

I'm not insane, I'm not insane
(ha ha ha ha ha)
I'm not insane, I'm not… Not insane

(I'm not) Come back to me it's almost easy
(Sad it all) Come back again it's almost easy
(You'll learn your lesson) Come back to me it's almost easy
(But still you fall) Come back again it's almost easy

Open my eyes, it was only just a dream..

2010-12-17T01:15:00.004+08:00

Okay, last official training of the year for floorball :/ Woke up late again cause I was watching X Men Origins last night -.- Managed to go down in time to watch 1.5 periods of the girls' friendly with NYJC. Well, I guess I've shared what I could. There's still more potential! Hope they'll be able to reach a new level by the time Nationals arrive (: The friendly with the junior guys wasn't as planned. Most of the team was damn late lol. Started at about 12 or so. Played about 1.5 periods? Had 2 full lines, so not bad! With 1 girls' line for each side, had a 4 lines VS 3 lines match. Were down 2-0 at first, then after that we kept shooting then miss hell a lot haha. Final score was 3-2 in our favour before the RP personnel chased us out lol. Overshot by too long liao. Wasted sia! Hopefully can have one more proper one in January before enlistment! Scored one with one of the weirdest turns ever lol. Nice goals by Yong Le and Yi Jun! Had lunch at RP then some of the guys came over to my house, joined by Joanne and Kimberly. Talked cock and played cards while someone tried to do her homework haha. Ended up playing piano before we decided to catch a movie since Jerrell had some debit card for GV that expires next week haha

Dinner at Bishan S11 with Eugene, Jerrell, and Jason. Joined by Daryl, Joanne and Kimberly. Jun Xiang and Jing Rong left first. So we ended up watching Tron Legacy. Thought it was pretty cool, though a little hard to understand for some parts. Some of the stuff there reminds me of Halo and Star Wars haha. After that took a walk from AMK central back home. Quite fun to just walk with a blank mind, the night ambience is pretty nice!

And so in this case, this kinda marks the end of the time I can spend with the floorball people. Not sure when will be the next time :/ I guess these things, especially the outings today inspired me a bit. For one, I have to admit that there was a period of time I wasn't really happy with the team and stuff, cause of the numerous problems that came up and the stuff that seemed to keep lacking no matter how hard you tried. Yet after last weekend's chalet, the half match and the outing. I've regained my attachment to my teammates in floorball, perhaps this time with a stronger feeling. I guess as time passes things change, thankfully this was for the better. Maybe this was an event to wake me up from that cynical mindset. Thanks so much guys, for all these times, the laughter, the jokes (hell lot man), the spiritual support, the camaraderie. Meet up again soon man! (:

Another thing I managed to take away was from the movie Tron itself. In short, this phrase kind impacted me (edited a bit, couldn't remember the whole thing): "We try to seek and achieve perfection in this imperfect world, yet at times it's been right in front of us all this while" I guess this speaks a lot. As part of the things that we're gonna do in future, with our jobs, family etc. How are we gonna live it? To blindly seek all the wonders of luxury? Or are there more meaningful aims to fufill? In school, the final objective is always about preparing for your final national exam and picking up skills along the way. Though we might forget our main objective at times, it's always easier to identify. Once we step into the 'real world' and join the ranks of the working world, would we be able to find out objective(s) as easily as before? Just some points to ponder I guess

Still have stuff stuck in my head :/ Apathetic? Not..

Anyway, since it's officially the 17th, Happy Birthday Pan Yu! (:

Discovered this on the weekend before the double papers during A's. Really awesome cover!!

Just a Dream (Christina Grimmie & Sam Tsui cover) -- Nelly

I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be
Open my eyes...
It was only just a dream

So I travel back down that road
Wish you'd come back
No one knows
I realize, it was only just a dream

I was at the top, now its like i'm in the basement
Number 1 spot
Now you're finding a replacement
I swear now I cant take it
Knowing somebodys got my baby

Now you ain't around, baby I cant think
I should put it down, shoulda got that ring
Cuz i can still feel it in the air
See your pretty face, run my fingers through your hair

My lover, my life
My baby, my wife
You left me, i'm tight
Cuz i knew that it just aint right

I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me
Thinkin about us, where we gonna be
Open my eyes...
It was only just a dream

So I travel back down that road
Wish you'd come back
No one knows
I realize, it was only just a dream

And I be ridin, and I swear I see your face at every turn
I try to get my usher on but I cant let it burn
And I just hope that you notice you're the only one I yearn for
No more sooner will I learn
Didn't give her all my love
I guess now I got my payback
Now I'm in the club thinking all about my baby

Hey, you were so easy to love
But wait, I guess that love wasnt enough
I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone
Now I'm wishing she would just pick up the phone
But she made a decision that she wanted to move on
Cuz I was wrong

I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me
Thinkin about us, where we gonna be
Open my eyes...
It was only just a dream

So I travel back down that road
Wish you'd come back
No one knows
I realize, it was only just a dream

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up (x2)
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything (x2)

I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me
Thinkin about us, where we gonna be
Open my eyes...
It was only just a dream

So I travel back down that road
Wish you come back,
No one knows
I realize, it was only just a dream

2010-12-15T21:55:00.002+08:00

Okay, shall finally update after so long. Quite a few things happened these 2 weeks, partially lazy/busy to blog then had a few days without stable internet -.- So yeah, at least it's alright now

So shall start with Grad Night on 6th Dec! Some of the guys came over and crashed. Everyone got changed and then we went over to Marriott. Everyone dressed up really nicely! Couldn't recognise some of the people initially, more so for the girls cause of the make up lol. Overall Grad Night was pretty fun. The emcee was damn epic. Lazy to elaborate much, refer to the pics on fb. Food was quite good, then Wei Shian got crowned Prom King! Wahahaha! Our plan worked! :D Spammed pics (definitely). Quite a few people went for post prom. Our gang walked around then ended up playing Lan at Scape for about 2 hours. CS and Dota (No Battleships sian) Got owned in Dota by Shian again omg. Can't Dota for nuts haha. After that we had a crazy idea and tried walking back to my house. Walked for about an hour or so I think. Then the last 2km or something we gave up then all cabbed back haha. Came back at 3:40am, so had Chin, JZ, Pan Yu, Nigel, Hong Zhi, Josh Ng, Shian, Wei Jian, Jaron and Zhong Xi in the house. Some joker decided to play Snakes on the Plane (cause of certain scenes -.-) Knocked out after a while then only woke up when everyone left haha. Our style of post prom was quite fun I guess, though maybe some day I'll try out clubbing, just to find out how it's like lol..

The next few days were mainly going for floorball trainings at RP. Thurs to Sat was Floorball senior's Farewell chalet at East Coast. Woke up late and didn't go for training -.- Met the rest at Dhoby then went down. Started with BBQ for me. Filled water bombs but didn't play in the end lol. Set up the fire using some aluminium trays lol, end up have one hole in one of them -.- Quite a lot of food and stuff. Tmd suay suay some sparks had to fly on to my toes. Ended up burnt and aggravated by my slippers -.- Talked a lot, then had some random stuff here and there. Prize giving plus pics. Thanks for the key chain guys! It's really nice! At night, cycled around, then walked here and there with people. Saw these really cute kittens on the way. Got everyone standing there admiring them for a bit haha. Went back and tried to sleep, but got woken up by the cold. Went for breakfast with some of the guys. After that went down to Parkway Parade to get cakes for Joanne. Tio jacked with one small one and a bigger one after that haha. Bought a new pair of slippers since some joker koped mine during the stayover from grad night lol. After that ended up playing Truth or Dare with JX's phone. Damn funny the stuff the occurred lol. Had Mahjong and some gambling also, followed by 'lunch' at Subway and then pool. Kim had to leave, followed by Joanne. Night cycling again, went all the way to Changi Coast Adventure Centre! Great memories man. Came back then knocked out lol. Drinking plan failed sian. Next morning played cards a bit then packed up and left. Lunched at Dhoby, then JX and I went to CCK to watch the Agape match. Chose the correct match to watch haha. Agape won 8-3, with the birthday girl scoring one too haha, nice present. One of the players scored like 3 or something, damn nice goals. And Agape had like what 4 people getting 2 min penalties -.- Almost wanted to laugh lol

Anyway, finally moved back to YCK! The move was on Friday actually so couldn't help that much. Unpacked and cleaned stuff. Saw past photo albums and got filled with nostalgia, though I can't remember most of the things in the pics (the last album was like in P6 or something). Saw pics of my maternal granddad and got a little sad :/

Anyway, so on Monday and Tuesday had the attachment with SPF itself. Monday was at the all the familiar HTA, went through what training command does and stuff. Never knew the trianing village existed in all the times we went to HTA lol. Damn interesting. Met another CI from D'08 called Qin Hui. So him, Darrell and myself were having fun talking about our CIBTC days haha. Met other pretty cool people in the group too. Tuesday was at Clementi Police Division, which helped us to understand better what actually goes on in a Land Division. Damn interesting, especially the portion about the lock up and stuff. A real eye opener. In that case, I guess I have a better understanding of what goes on in the SPF, considering to join as a career lol.

Today had a singing session with some floorball dudes, Joanne, Kimberly, JX, Jerrell, Jing Rong and Jason. Woke up late, like at 12:20pm by Jerrell's phone call -.- Stayed up to watch Ghost of Girlfriends Past cause I managed to get 4 new movies lol. Ended up couldn't wake up, and I was supposed togo down to CHS in the morning for BK -.- Went to Teo Heng at Amber road area. Sang till like 6pm, then had dinner with the guys before heading home.

Quite a lot of stuff in one post, can't think much already. Have been having some thoughts stuck in my head for the past few days, fuelled by songs and shows and whatever. Shall share them another time I guess. Last official floorball training of the year tomorrow. Might be the last on the whole too for me :/

From all the things that we are but are not saying. Can we see beyond the scars and make it till the dawn?

2010-11-30T23:32:00.004+08:00

Okay, it's time I update this place properly now. First things first, A's officially ended yesterday for the Physics people, though it already kinda ended after last Tuesday's double papers of Econs and Physics lol. Played basketball and had dinner with class people after Econs. Went to S11 at AMK to eat. Tried stingray for the first time! Pretty awesome stuff haha. Then sat there and had a damn fun talk cock session. Friday went for annual camp lol. Had about 2 hours of sleep cause of debrief and firedrill, then had a floorball match on Sat morning, CHS alumni VS CHS team. Saturday's match proved to me that my physical condition really sucks. JX, Eugene and I couldn't take it after running a bit -.- Somehow managed to score 3 goals! (: First time scoring using a wrap somemore haha. Couldn't stay for the rest of the camp cause I was in no condition to do so. Came home and slept. Sunday went to Bishan library with Jon.

Yesterday was Physics, got quite a number of questions wrong but well :/ Went to play LAN then went to You'en's house for stayover. Learnt how to play mahjong properly liao haha. Floorball training at RP this morning, a new coach came today. Think he's not bad! I think he can connect more to people, which I think is important between like a student and teacher kind of relation. Learnt quite a bit about some ball control and stuff. Physical was like crap as usual. But managed to score quite a few goals still haha.

In the evening had the class bbq event at my house for the scholars, since they'll be leaving over the weekend. In short, it was a crazy evening lol. Had multiple calls on how to get here (freaking ulu place I know lol), then the weather totally sucked -.- Went ahead and tried to start the fire anyway, we built this little bashar over the pit using a poncho and twine lol. Then we had a few people crouching over the pit lol. Damn epic. Got these pics from Meng Lei.
Think this pic explains quite a bit haha. In the end the rain got even worse and we had to abandon the plan. Everyone came to my house and then bo pian tried to cook some of the things using the oven lol. So just whacked whatever we could. Had a pretty awesome time. Sibo made some ice cream! Damn nice
Group pic. Had 23 people over just now lol. The girls left earlier so couldn't include them in the picture

So well, this is goodbye to the scholars for now as they go back home. Although I haven't really interacted with them as much as compared to the rest of the class, I really like this bunch of people. To be honest, back in CHS I didn't have a good impression of China scholars, partially of my narrow minded views and also not knowing any of them personally, but some things were well, not very impressive. This bunch totally changed my impression. Interacted more with them this year. Played Lan with Sibo, then you'll hear retarded jokes and comments by Yan Zhao and even soccer with the two guys. Gonna miss them for a bit. Thanks Yan Zhao, Sibo, Meng Lei, Zhou Wei and Huang Xuan. Hope can meet up when they come back next year! Till we meet again guys (: Not forgetting the guys of 09SH25! Had an awesome evening with them despite the weather. Crazy ideas and most importantly, the spontaneous nature of everyone, going with the flow and just having fun. Thanks guys (:

Slowly but surely, we might have to take seperate paths, but these memories will keep us united in spirit. As long as you have the heart, these fine threads of the past will stay alive

Tick tock, the time bomb has been recognised and pressurised. There's nowhere to hide. And now I need another chance to live

2010-11-21T12:23:00.006+08:00

Had a lot of thoughts recently, reflecting about stuff. Guess I'll talk more about them after A's I guess. Right now, I guess I'm paying the price. Maybe I'm paranoid and stuff about A's :/ Felt damn sian on Wednesday while studying, that's just a rough description of it. Thanks so much Milissa for trying to cheer me up (: Thanks loads to Jaron, Panyu, Khai and Wei Jian, okay they helped indirectly in the mass convo, still appreciate it all the same (:

Chem P2 Qn2 was crap, Physics P2 planning was weird, Econs case study is very weird as well. Win liao. 3 more days to unofficial freedom! The catch of all this: It's gonna be a damn hiong 3 days. Chem P1 on Monday, Physics P3 and Econs P2 (ESSAY!!) on Tuesday. After Tuesday I'm taking out my stick already man. Haven't touched them for like 2 months plus or so already..

Oh well, let's just make the most out of it. Chiong ah! And Happy Birthday Darrell Leong!! (:

What if we were given another chance to live?

Dancing Dead -- Avenged Sevenfold

Dead men, they celebrate
As the final chapter
Fades away, cuz they can't hide;
We can see their flesh is rotten!

The band plays a hopeful tune
The champagne is poured
As they socialize
The look in their eyes
Hide in the light!

Everything is paid for tonight
While at the party of the
Dead dancing in their graves
The drinks here are free, so relax
Enjoy the sight of all the
Dead dancing in their graves

And while the world that they built
Told 'em to change
Told 'em to listen
They just kept it the same
And now that midnight has come
I'll get a room watching the
Dead dancing in their graves

Bones covered up by suits
As the visible scars, they multiply
Kiss it good-bye
Too stubborn and now you're destroyed!

Tick, tock
The time bomb has been
Recognized and pressurized
Nowhere to hide
Swallowing light!

Everything is paid for tonight
While at the party of the
Dead dancing in their graves
The drinks here are free, so relax
Enjoy the sight of all the
Dead dancing in their graves

And while the world that they built
Told 'em to change
Told 'em to listen
They just kept it the same
And now that midnight has come
I'll get a room watching the
Dead dancing in their graves

Feel a coming strength
And now it's too late
To change

Everything is paid for tonight
While at the party of the
Dead dancing in their graves
The drinks here are free, so relax
Enjoy the sight of all the
Dead dancing in their graves

And while the world that they built
Told 'em to change
Told 'em to listen
They just kept it the same
And now that midnight has come
I'll get a room watching the
Dead dancing in their graves

We feel a coming strength
And now it's too late
To change

Everything I know, and anywhere I go, it gets hard but it won't take away what I care for and what I believe in

2010-11-15T01:02:00.006+08:00

Okay, did one paper and screwed it up quite a bit -.- Not much for the day. Had dinner with family outside at some restaurant to celebrate my brother's birthday. Happy Birthday Bro!

Played the piano again after quite some time. The surge of feeling was pretty awesome as you put emotion into your playing. Okay I'm not very good but at least I can play a bit lol. Froze just now over something. It was like a omfg feeling

The battle continues on Tuesday, shan't blog for the rest of the week at least I guess? 9 days to unofficial freedom! Floorball!

Fight, not to fall. Endure!!

I think this is one of their best songs. Probably the first song I heard from them. 3 Doors Down! (:

Here Without You -- 3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

As your nightmare comes to life

2010-11-14T00:35:00.003+08:00

Nothing really much today. Went to CHS to study with Eugene, KB, Manfred and Jon. Had tuition again, then dinner with Lum, Jon and Eugene Sim. Interesting topic brought up during our conversation over dinner. Stuff about how society works a bit. When something goes wrong, is there a blame game sometimes? Ends up someone will have to bear the responsibility. Question is, who and how?

I wonder how, I wonder why. I wonder if, I wonder perhaps

Always wanted to post this, hit single from the new album that came out this year. Awesome song, music vid is gruesome haha.

Nightmare -- Avenged Sevenfold

Nightmare!
(Now your nightmare comes to life)

Dragged you down below down to the devil's show,
To be his guest forever,
Peace of mind is less than never
Hate to twist your mind, but God ain't on your side
An old acquaintance severed,
Render of your last endeavor

Ashes burning, you can smell it in the air,
Cause men like you have such an easy soul to steal.
So stand in line while banging numbers in your head,
You're now a slave until the end of time
And nothing stops the madness turning,
haunting, yearning, pull the trigger!

You should have known
The price of evil,
And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah
Ooooh, it's your fuckin nightmare
While your nightmare comes to life

Can't wake up in sweat, cause it ain't over yet,
Still dancing with your demons,
Victim of your own creation beyond the will to fight,
Where all thats wrong is right
where hate dont need a reason
Love is self-assassination

You've been lied to just to rape you of your sight,
And now they have the nerve to tell you how to feel.
So sedated as they medicate your brain
And while ya slowly go insane they tell you
Give in with your best intentions
Help ya with your complications

You should have known the price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah
No one to call, everybody to fear
Your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah.
Ooooo it's your fuckin nightmare
Ha ha ha ha!!

Fight, fight, not to fail, fail
Not to fall, fall
Or youll end up like the others.
Die, die, die again, die
Drenched in sin, sin
With no respect for another
Oh!

Death, You!
Feel the fire, fire
Feel the hate, hate
Your pain is what we desire.
Lost, lost, hit the wall, wall
Watch you crawl, crawl
Such a replaceable liar.

And I know you hear their voices (calling from above),
And I know they may seem real (these signals of love),
But a lifes made up of choices (some without appeal),
They took for granted your soul
And its ours now to steal
As your nightmare comes to life

You should have known the price of evil
And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah.
No one to call, everybody to fear,
Your tragic fate is looking so clear,
yeahooooh it's your fuckin nightmare!

Talk, talk is cheap. Give me a word you can keep

2010-11-12T22:26:00.003+08:00

Talk about exhaustion. Absolutely tired after this week of papers. Couldn't sleep properly for the past few nights -.- Then again, there have been people in worse of situations than me, like the Bio and History people. Can't be bothered to talk about A's so far.

Had some random thoughts in my mind on the way home. What if we could do some things over again? And do we know the possible implications of what we do or say that we might have on others? Guess like that say, think before you speak or act. Just some food for thought

For the first question, wish I could be like how I was in CHS. Cause the truth is, I'm not smart at all. I was hardworking, that's all

Freaking tired. And damn suay lah, some random family gathering tomorrow evening and next Wednesday. Lousy timing, can't go zzzz... CHS and tuition tomorrow! And I want to play Floorball soon :/

Anyone has songs to introduce? Prefably of the rock/alternative genre area. Getting damn bored of my own already -.-

Still some glimpses of hope, fight on

I wonder....

Lifehouse! (:

Halfway Gone -- Lifehouse

You were always hard to hold
So letting go ain't easy
I'm hanging on but growing cold
While my mind is leaving

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me a word you can keep

Cause you're halfway gone and I'm on way
And I'm feeling, feelin feelin this way
Cause I'm halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

You got one foot out the door
And choking on the other
Always think there's something more
It's just around the corner

Talk, talk is cheap
Give me a word you can keep

Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on way
And I'm feeling, feelin, feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

If you want me out, then I'm on my way
And I'm feeling, feelin, feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone (wohohoww wohohoww)
Im halfway gone, I'm halfway gone (wohohoww wohohoww)

Now I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone
Don't take too long, don't take too long
Cause I'm on my way
If you take too long

Cause I'm halfway gone and I'm on way
And I'm feeling, feelin I'm feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone

If you want me out, then I'm on my way
And I'm feelin , feelin feelin this way
Cause you're halfway in, but don't take too long
Cause I'm halfway gone, I'm halfway gone (wohohoww wohohoww)
Cause I'm halfway gone, and I'm halfway gone (wohohoww wohohoww)
Cause I'm halfway gone, yeah I'm halfway gone

2010-11-08T20:47:00.003+08:00

Had a really long and meaningful chat with my Dad just now. Talked about some global issues to stuff about A's. The horrible feeling from this morning is much less intense now. I feel a bit more inspired to really give it my all now, no matter what. Thanks Dad (:

Too all my friends taking A's as well (and for those who already started lol), ALL THE BEST! (:

May the force be with you

I will try one last time. I will fight, the last fight

2010-11-08T13:10:00.009+08:00

I guess this is self explanatory. Let's do this everyone!

The Last Fight -- Bullet For My Valentine

I don't wanna stand beside you.
I don't wanna try and feel the pain you're going through.
Till the death you've seen is through.

Cold sweats, hallucinations;
I wanna scream to show the hell I'm going through.
The addiction's taking you.

Can you see me through bloodshot eyes
Should I fight for what is right or let it die?
Now I'm choking on force fed lies.
Do I fight or let it die?

I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me.
I will fight (Will you fight?)
I am not the enemy.
I will try one last time.
Are you listening to me?
I will fight (The last fight)
I am not your enemy.

Everyone is sick of caring,
No silver lining on the cloud that covers you.
Let it pour and soak you through.

No hope, just desperation;
So sit and wait for death,
And pray it takes you soon.
The addiction's taking you.

Can you see me through bloodshot eyes.
Should I fight for what is right or let it die?
Now I'm choking on force fed lies.
Do I fight or let it die?

I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me.
I will fight (Will you fight?)
I am not the enemy.
I will try one last time.
Are you listening to me?
I will fight (The last fight)
I am not your enemy.

Can you feel me through bloodshot eyes?
Should I fight another night or let it die?
Now I'm choking on every lie.
Do I fight or let it die?!

I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me.
I will fight (Will you fight?)
I am not the enemy.
I will try one last time.
Are you listening to me?
I will fight (The last fight)
I am not your enemy.

I am not your, not your enemy!
I am not your enemy.

2010-11-07T23:18:00.003+08:00

This feeling feels oddly familiar. I last felt it the night before I went for D'08. That fearful feeling. Though I have one more day to go, the anxiety of the unknown is simply gripping me, it's almost suffocating. What if? What if? What if? I know it's too late to be thinking about that now. I really need something to help me get this weight off.

Thanks so much for the encouraging messages. Wish everyone all the best too! All the best to the history and Geography people for tomorrow!

In the past, before every paper we would have the prayers in the hall. May that calming effect from then come back and bring peace to all our spirits

I must be strong, cause I simply have to

2 days, 22 days

The fight down here goes on and on, I realize it's difficult but now I can see, yeah. Climb up from the bottom for the last time, the last one

2010-11-04T01:29:00.006+08:00

Okay, shall make this as quick as possible. Tuesday evening the 28 people went to Carl's Junior at Plaza Sing to celebrate Shian's birthday. Same date and place as last year, which happened to be after Chinese A's. Had a lot of fun doing random stuff like playing zhong ji mi mah, coming up with all sorts of rubbish (credit You'en for coming up with the weirdest combinations) So yeah, since it was the 3rd of November. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY SHIAN!!! 12 years and counting (:

Today normal stuff, had gp consult. I'm a damn soft guy cause I tear easily from minor scoldings. Maybe the situation sucks, whatever. Pissed off and sian. Thanks Wei Jian for trying to talk me out of it. Took damn long to do one math paper.. Damn careless and not thinking properly -.- Had dinner with the SJI gang at Adam road.

Uninspired, lack of support, poor substantiation. In short: die. FK

I'm sure most of us would have read the report about the killing at Downtown East. I was pretty appalled when I saw it. I felt a bit for it, cause for one, it simply defied my logic as to the actions of the perpetrators. I mean, in full view of the public choppers were brought out and they inflicted wounds on a person such that they would actually kill a person? Won't they have felt something? And these guys are around the same age as the rest of us. Who knows what could happen in the future for these undescribable acts? I don't know the exact details yet, so can't point fingers at anyone. But the damage is clear. I never really got these petty things about wanting to get into a fight over a stupid staring incident. I almost whacked or something by this idiot when exiting the lan shop in a hurry. Giving me the intimidating look while advancing trying to pick a fight -.- My deepest condolences to the family of Darren Ng

I was posed an interesting question a few days back, early in the morning (very early). My own answer surprised me. Yet there was hesitation. I might have to finally admit to myself the magnitude of it. Doubt and reason seem to come along. The words echoed through my mind again. Ah well. Stay sane can liao. My duty still remains the same, though the role might have been adjusted a bit. The ending won't be as I hoped. Still, live another night to fight

On an unrelated note, I think it would be nice for some things to go a certain way. And I had difficulty sleeping last night as I was pondering over NS and A's haha. Two consultations tomorrow. First (and most probably last lol) for Chem and Econs. See what stuff I can accomplish tomorrow. Need more efficiency and the will to stay on track. Keep getting demoralised easily -.-

So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong. And you finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you

Another Diamonds in the Rough song. The theme of the song reminds of a lot of stuff where I had to make decisions between things. Best part of the song for me is the second part plus The Rev's part of the 'anger I see' portion lol

Crossroads -- Avenged Sevenfold

I've been traveling for so long
So lost till I stumbled upon
Two roads in front of me
I've got to take my time

To the right I could see a church
I took a step in that direction first
But to the left there was a watering hole
Where they were whiskey drunk
And now that's where I wanna pray
The fight down here goes on and on

If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible or both I could drown
I walk through the centre with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see

There's gotta be another way to go
A way that's much more feasible
A combination of all these lives
A central path without choosing a side

I make decisions one at a time
And no I never say I'm always right
I'm confident that when I stand on my own
You'll see the truest form of a man
When I'm shining through
The fight down here goes on and on

If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible or both I could drown
I walk through the centre with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see

Oh, I hear them now
All the religious rhymes (Anger I see, anger I see, anger I see now)

The left isn't better
It's just more of the same
Condemning all these people
For what they believe

I climb to the top of that mountain again
No harm is done to see me this way
And the closer to the top I get
The more they take aim but I'm not you

I may not be perfect but I've always been true
I may not be worthy in your eyes
Climb up from the bottom for the last time
The last one, the last one, the last time

If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road's plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see, yeah

Your life may be hard, but keep your feet on the ground. It takes more than one idea, more than one person to fight the fight

2010-11-01T22:03:00.005+08:00

Okay nuts, I woke up at like 1 plus in the afternoon yesterday -.- Did some work, then went for tuition. Came home did some stuff, then had an epic 4-5 hours phone conversation. Nice one. We're surviving on 3 hours of sleep haha. Shall turn in early today I guess.

Draggy day, couldn't do much. My brain's screwed. Shall chiong more tomorrow! (Have to lol)

8

Whatever we go through, it inevitably becomes a part of us, at least for those that impacted me in one way or another. In that sense, we're constantly growing and learning new things all the time. We all do. And I think I realised something pretty important recently. What I've been looking for might have been right in front of me all this time. I was just too blinded by other things. Learning again I guess

Discovered some songs over the weekend. Can't believe I didn't discover them earlier -_- Attracted by the tune of this song, especially towards the second chorus plus the bridge. Pretty melodious

The Fight -- Avenged Sevenfold

The problem with society's been how do we teach
And if they'll believe
We'll fight this battle for years to come
Till we only accept that we can stand on our own

Grandfather used his hands.
He worked them to the bone.
Provide his family with a happy home-- alone

Don't take your aggression out on me
My own man's all I meant to be

This common place so lazy, old, and tired.
All your ideas are so bleak o uninspired
Takes more than one idea,
More than one person to fight the fight
How many times have you taught and not conspired?

Don't wanna be, they never see
But don't call us the liars

We've walked these allies a thousand times
And scattered around a thousand lies
They are trying to hold you down
Your life may be hard, but keep your feet on the ground
Why don't I have the fun of things that others have?
The chance is there if you want it all that bad
So bad..

Don't take your aggression out on me
My own man's all I meant to be

This common place is so lazy, old, and tired
All your ideas are so bleak o uninspired
Takes more than one idea
More than one person to fight the fight
How many times have you taught and not conspired?

Don't try and get me confused (Cause I do understand)
That sometimes people need help (That they may need a)
Hand when there's problems going on
A thing you have to get straight (Is that you don't own my hand)
And I don't owe you a thing (So don't think about how)
Sorry you're feeling now you're treated so bad

This common place is so lazy, old, and tired
All your ideas are so bleak o uninspired
Takes more than one idea
More than one person to fight the fight
How many times have you taught and not conspired?

And as a race, we look back and we've come so far
While some may conqure, the others had it so hard
But instead we just complain when there's no one for us to fight
I guess we're bored, and that's how we keep us occupied

Standing on the rooftops, wait until the bombs drop. This is all we got now, scream until your heart stops

2010-10-31T00:40:00.007+08:00

Oh well, biggest news this week. Checked online with the rest and this is what I found out for myself:

Good evening Mr TAN YI PIN, BRYAN. Your enlistment date is on 08-Feb-2011. Your reporting unit is BASIC MILITARY TRAINING CENTRE SCHOOL 2

To be honest, my heart sank when I saw it, there goes so many of the little plans that I had harboured for after A's... Maybe it's fate, telling me I should move on and not be involved too much in the things I care about :/ There goes fb, there goes np. Haiz..

On a slightly more positive note, Wei Jie joined us for dinner today after tuition. Haven't had a good meet up since who knows when. Too bad time was a limiting factor, since tuition ended damn late. Hopefully we can catch up again soon

I really really wish I could say/do something to make people feel better. I would if I could

I think this is the maximum I can go. My fate is sealed. I really thinking how far can I even go. 9 more days, the beginning of my end

ENDURE!!!! DON'T FKING GIVE UP NOW

Rooftops --Lostprophets

When our time is up
When our lives are done
Will we say, we've had our fun
Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried

We're standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your heart out

All the love I've met
I have no regrets
If it all ends now, I'm set
Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried

We're standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your heart out

Standing on the rooftops
Wait until the bombs drop
This is all we got now
Scream until your heart stops

Never gonna regret
Watching every sunset
We'll, listen to your heartbeat
All the love that we found

Standing on the rooftops
Wait until the bombs drop
This is all we got now
Scream until your heart stops

Never gonna regret
Watching every sunset
We'll, listen to your heartbeat
All the love that we found

Scream your heart out
Scream your heart out
Scream your heart out
Scream your

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your

If the time could turn us around, then perhaps what once was lost may be found, for you and me, for you and me

2010-10-27T23:20:00.004+08:00

I feel really sad for some reason. Okay maybe not sad totally, but maybe a mix of sianness and the down feeling. I seriously have no idea why zzz. Maybe it's cause of the compre pracs lol. Freaking tired zzzz. Need to gather back my thoughts again

Has the limit been reached?

13 days

This was one of my favourite songs from their new album some time back, it still is. Love the bridge part leading to the solo then the chorus again. Emo song for emo mood haha

It Is What It Is -- Lifehouse

I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it's complicated
So complicated
Somewhere in this city is a road I know
Where we could make it
But maybe there's no making it now

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only trying to bury the pain
But I made you cry, and I can't stop the crying
Was only trying to save me
But I lost you again
Now there's only lying
Wish I could say it's only me

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

Here it comes ready or not
We both found out it's not how we thought
That it would be, how it would be
If the time could turn us around
What once was lost may be found
For you and me, for you and me

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing left to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it's complicated
So complicated

And now you think that you're the only one who doesn't have to try, then you won't have to fail. If you're afraid to fly, then I guess you never will

2010-10-26T00:45:00.005+08:00

Okay, finally blogging again. Haven't had the time for the past week. Then again, there isn't really much to say about my life anyway -.- Past few days it's just been going to school everyday to study. Except last week had more stuff like consultations and tests. I realise I'm seriously freaking careless man, shows a lot in the past few Math papers I've been doing -.- Then damn sian for GP now cause got shot by Miss Kaur during consultation zzz.. And she won't mark any full essays, so with no more consultations left for essays I'm kinda screwed :/ And must chiong Econs liao man.. Haiz.. This week (and the next) camping in school again lol

Okay Jerrell, here's your para:
One of the CHS guys who I got to know better in NJ. I know last year I had a bit of difficulty with you but now used to your style le hahaha. Quite a nice guy, damn fun talking cock with you. Thanks for the encouragement every now and then. You'll do well for A's haha.

Lot's of thoughts flowing through my mind. Had many funny dreams lately, especially last week. Had some nightmares as well :/ Everyday sleep late then wake up early feel damn tired man haiz.. Kian Boon says I'm destined to die young lol.. On a brighter note, bought Lifehouse's album called Smoke & Mirrors! Music is like my best company now man. Then now as we edge closer and closer to A's, the more I want to go work out and play floorball again ): I miss having a CCA to look forward too :/ Haiz. Must get rid of the sian mood that keeps trying to come back -.- It's exactly 2 weeks to Chemistry Paper 3.. By the way, all the best to the people taking O's!

And if it's not enough (If it's not enough, if it's not enough)
If it's not enough (Not enough)
Try again (Try again)
And again (And again)
Over and over again

Where is your resolve? Where is your heart?
I've had enough, but would you even give a second glance?
As the smoke and mirrors start to fade away

It's damn fun to quote song lyrics, there's a lot of meaning in them. Mix them with whatever you want like some quote from some anime or something and it'll become something lol. Not a really good example though since they're (supposedly?) not linked but what the heck lol

I found this song really soothing. Love the lyrics!

It's The Only One You've Got -- 3 Doors Down

How do you know where you're going when you
don't know where you've been?
You hide the shame that you're not showing
And you won't let anyone in
A crowded street can be a quiet place
when you're walking alone

And now you think that
you're the only one who doesn't have to try
Then you won't have to fail
If you're afraid to fly, then I guess you never will

You hide behind your walls of maybe, nevers
Forgetting that there's
something more than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now,
they tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given
like it's the only one you've got

Memories have left you
broken and the scars have never healed
The emptiness in you is growing,
there's so little left to fill
You're scared to look back on the days before,
but too tired to move on

And now you think that you're the only one
who doesn't have to try
Then you won't have to fail
If you're afraid to fly, then I guess you never will

You hide behind your walls of maybe, nevers
Forgetting that there's
something more than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now,
they tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given
like it's the only one you've got

Ooh and what would it take to get you to say that I'll try?
And what would you say if this was the last day of your life?

You hide behind your walls of maybe, nevers
Forgetting that there's
something more than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now,
they tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given
like it's the only one you've got

You hide behind your walls of maybe, nevers
Forgetting that there's
something more than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now,
they tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given
like it's the only one you've got

The end of another journey. For all that it has been, please don't let this be our last goodbye

2010-10-17T01:23:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was our Farewell Assembly. Basically it was all in the hall, had some admin stuff to do here and there. Talking about results, exam stuff etc. Had a motivational speech by one of our alumni. The speaker's life story was really an inspiration, if I had been in that kind of situation I don't think I would have had the strength to go such levels. It really makes you count the blessings in your life and make you want to strive for your best. Some speeches were made. I guess the most important part was the farewell video. Really touching comments by the teachers here and there, the last part of the slow motion along the path of the side gate gave me a kind of slowed down replay of everything that happened. Took photos with people after that. Didn't manage to take with everyone I wanted to take with :/ And I realised I forgot to take pictures with some people.. ._. Hopefully the next event then (: So yeah, spammed pics, had the birthday cake for the October babies. Then went for class lunch at Swensen's at Plaza Sing. Not everyone managed to go sadly, 17/25 pretty good number. Talked cock a bit during lunch, then the guys walked around deciding what to do. Wanted to play Lan but got rejected by all the shops cause of our attire lol. Stoned for quite a bit. In the end some of us decided to plan Lan at Bukit Timah so went back then played. Had dinner with a few more people joining in then felt sian so played pool with Wei Jian and Zhong Xi before coming home lol. Some things happened during the course of the day which made me pretty upset and sian, but I guess now I shall not dwell too much on it and not let it mar this occasion.

I entered NJ last year with quite an open mind, since well I had actually wanted to come to NJ, since in Sec 4 I thought this was the best place I could go without Higher Chinese (I thought VJ was too far haha) So I came, met a lot of familiar faces, first friend I got to know here: Aaron Fong (: Went through a week of orientation with OG6, had like 2 weeks of those random lectures since our class allocation wasn't out yet. Then came 09SH25. The only people I knew then were like Jian Zhong, Daniel and Hong Zhi from CHS, and Nadiah and Zhong Xi from OG6. Met You'en in some Chinese mass lecture beforehand too lol. So it was here that it all started. I still remember the very first lesson we had as a class was Math in LT3 (I think) with Mr Tan. Started off with introductions and I was known as the teacher stalker already cause of something I said haha. Slowly I got to know more people. Time passed, we went through many things in school. I finally decided to join Floorball, after having like what 5 CCAs at one shot haha. I got through the squash trials, I was in Air Rifle and Air Pistol on conditional basis and I was in Hockey and Floorball LOL! Don't regret my choice for my CCA (: At that time the team was quite epic. 9 CHS guys and 2 Nan Hua dudes (Yong Le and Sean) lol. I remember I ran for Council, I can't really remember what had happened which had caused me to start wanting to back out. I stayed all the way till elections. In the end, I made the very difficult choice between two important CCAs. I chose Floorball. Whatever people might say, as I've told people, I left my heart at 50-50 for this issue, no regrets. At the very least I got to know quite a lot of people from Council haha. A lot of funny things happened in the second half of the year I think. CTs, Promos, Floorballholic, NDC (got to wear my cadet uniform again!), Games Day, Chinese A's, PW(!!). So many epic things. End of the year till now: YLTC, Orientation, Nationals. YLTC was damn fun! One of the most enjoyable adventure camps I've ever been to. Nationals was also something that was pretty exciting. It's been one heck of a ride man.

09SH25 has been a class I've really enjoyed company with in these 2 years. Initially, I started out being only close to some people, like You'en, Joshua Tan and Nigel. Slowly, especially in SH2, I got to know more people in the class much better, like Chong Wee, Khai Soon and Joshua Ng. I also got to reinforce those friendships I already had with people like Jian Zhong and Hong Zhi, both of who I didn't really interact much with in CHS. I enjoyed those times we spent having meals talking cock during breaks, chionging to complete tutorials together, playing Monopoly Deal, playing basketball, sounding the horn in class and just basically spending time as a large bunch of people. As Nigel once put it, the mood of the class usually never fails to get you back up again. The mixture of people around is really awesome. Yanzhao and Sibo are two China scholars who are damn awesome guys! I think out teachers also were half irritated and half tickled by our class atmosphere haha. Not forgetting those from 09SH27, whom for me I got to know much better this year. Our new class 09SH28! Looking forward to our concurrent class chalets haha. I think words aren't enough to explain the awesome stuff we've been through. Thanks so much to our teachers for everything you've done for us all this time. Though for myself personally I know I haven't exactly been I good student, as compared to Secondary School :/ I appreciate everything nonetheless and I'll do my best to do all of you proud! Thanks so much guys for this wonderful two years in class. I couldn't have asked for a better class environment. It's been a great blessing knowing all of you and I really hope we'll all be able to keep in touch for years to come (:

Another thing I should mention is definitely Floorball. As mentioned, I made a choice on which CCA to join early last year and I guess I made the correct one. I fell in love with the sport, the gameplay, the whole structure of how it goes, ironically I only knew the true joy of playing it after Nationals this year, when I could finally play without any constraints or pressure, to hone my skills even more. I daresay to a certain degree we had quite a bit of passion for the game. Of course, I feel we were definitely a promising team, though whatever happened during nationals proved otherwise. That was however, largely due to a number of factors that came our way. Given one more chance, and one more year at it, I'm sure we would have stood a much a better chance (: Floorball was always something I looked forward to after school, something to ease my mind to relax and have fun. Though stressful and pretty frustrating at times, I always enjoyed handling FB stuff (sometimes doing them too much lol). Trainings were also pretty fun, cause we had plenty of jokers around in the team. JX suanning Daryl, Yi Jun talking cock, everyone suanning Shaun, taupoking and declaring Warren GAYLORD. There was one period of time we had a lot of fun playing basketball after some PT when the courts were still there. We did the cage stuff for people's birthdays (Daryl, Wazy and YJ I think), we had Hun Quan as a retarded joker (Remember him scoring in the CHS friendly and celebrating till he fell flat on court?)... It was fun. As much as I was really pissed in the past, I would like to one day play floorball with this team again, side by side with everyone truely playing with their heart. Hopefully, at the end of the year (: Not forgetting of course, the girls team. Our year was damn suay where there was a problem with the girls team cause of some stuff. In the end there was a threat of the girls' side closing down this year I think. Nonetheless, last year was still pretty fun with them around. With this, I would like to thank some people. Thanks JX, for being really supportive all this time and giving plenty of ideas for so many things, including non-fb stuff. Thanks Warren, for being my confidant at times. Thanks Yong Le, for being such a great guy and also supporting everything that came about. Thanks Eugene, for being those who was really passionate about the game, it helped a lot. Thanks Joanne and Amelia, for being such awesome fellow Captains from the girls' team. I think it was pretty lucky that we had worked together before in Floorballholic, and I think that helped a lot in our communication in getting things done and stuff. Hopefully we'll all be able to stay in contact. Hopefully we'll be able to go back after A's to play again and help out with the juniors. Hopefully this passion for the game will never die (:

I guess it's appropriate now to say a few words to certain people.
To Wei Shian, my dear friend of 12 whole years since P1. Althought I didn't really manage to talk much to you in CHS, our friendship really strengthened over this time in NJ. Thanks so much for being there for me all this time, straightening my thoughts when I was down, when I needed someone to talk to. Thanks for helping me with my work too haha (:
To Nigel Seng, thanks so much being a great friend to me too. Though we had a very short-lived but very bad fight during Orientation this year cause we got pissed at each other for some stupid stuff, we still have gone through much together as fellow 'Stick-CCA' Captains. Thanks so much for being there and speaking to me at the grandstand that day when I broke down just 2 days before Nationals. Now you're the mega cheapo man haha (:
To Hilary my dear cousin/sister, I'm really glad that we came to the same school. Before this, there was the sort of cold war between the families after some stupid quarrel over some lame stuff in like 2005 or something. And we only managed to contact all the cousins again after what happened to Grandpa in 2006, and Great Grandma in 2008. Since NJ, we've become really close and I really appreciate this blessing of stronger family ties (:
To Milissa, thanks so much for being my conversation buddy (sorry lah now don't have a better term for it here haha) Our conversations could go on for epicly long haha. Thanks for the motivations, the encourgaement and sharing of thoughts and stuff. It's been a great pleasure knowing you since last year (:
To you, fancy how we ended up in the same school after so long too lol. It was initially really great at the start of last year. Some stuff happened, you could say it's my fault still and this led to some complicated stuff that lasted for damn long, finally leading to the cold war for like 3 months. I'm glad that at least now we're on speaking terms, though not as close as last time, but at least decent friends. Though I don't think you really care, but yeah you'll be a special friend to me always
To you, it's been a while since I really spent quality time with you (sounds gay lol). Last year, especially in the second half I think, we always used to go home together, then have random dinners, chats and whatever funny stuff here and there (dinner at what 11:30pm near 628 there?) Come 2010, probably cause of the move in Term 2, as well as getting caught up with our busy lives in CCA and for you Council, we didn't really have time to interact much anymore. After CTs finally talked to you more lol. Hopefully at the end of the year when everything's over and I go back, it might go back to somewhat that perhaps?
To you, I don't really know how to put it. I really kind of miss what we used to be, how I could so easily talk to you and stuff, working together to settle things, suanning you and laughing at whatever retarded stuff you (and sometimes me) did. It was great, for that short-lived 1-2 months when we were damn close. I still carefully keep all the things you gave me, including the card, lamp, the pot, even that item during CNY (it wasn't really supposed to be something good to me at that point though I guess, but what the heck). As I look back, I wonder why now it just seems so hard to talk to you. I guess it's probably my fault in a way (I'll just take the blame for it I guess), for how some things have gone. I don't really show it, but it really is on my mind many a times. I'm sorry I had to appear dao sometimes, to protect both of us from any funny stuff. But at other times, it just feels like there's a piece of glass between the two of us, and I can't seem to reach to you. Hopefully at the end of this daunting journey, we can go back to what it was, to at least what it was last year. Whatever the case, just know that I'll be here whenever you need me.
To you, I've learned a lot from you over these 2 years. You've been a great friend, reliable, and definitely proficient. Though there were times you really pissed me off with some things (and vice versa, I'm sure), I still treasure you as a friend, seeing that you were the first few people I got to know. I'm sorry I wasn't really able to full appreciate the pushes you were giving me, especially in Term 2 and 3 this year, sometimes even reacting in a very screwed up manner to it. I just wasn't used to the style which it was given to me. You've been great company all this time, I just hope it's mutual. I'm looking forward to the end when we can all go crazy with our gang lol.

It's been a really long post. It's been 2 years, a lot of stuff has happened. I don't regret not appealing to anywhere else, I don't regret coming here to NJ at all. The memories have been made here in this school, with all the people I've met. It's been a great journey, and as I walk down that side gate pathway again, I'll remember the days we had here in this school. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Thank you so much everyone (:

Red, white, grey!

Proud To Be, a NJC-ian

It hurts, wounds so sore. Now I'm torn, now I'm torn. I've been far away. When I see your face my hearts burst into fire

2010-10-14T22:56:00.005+08:00

Okay, went a bit siao just now. Got damn demoralised by the HCI math paper just now due to multiple carelessness and screw ups for don't know how to do and stuff, just walked out of the library.. Played a bit of floorball at the gym with the juniors, didn't do much then sweat like crap already -.- Felt damn sian then just came home to bathe before tuition. Got a headache and nauseous feeling for the afternoon -.-

Besides the mini drive of frustration/insanity whatever you would like to call it, the day marked the end of our lessons. Last Math lecture, last econs lecture, officially at least. Which brings me to the feeling again. For one issue, I don't want to talk about it. For another, the main one. I'm starting to miss everything from lectures to tutorials to pw meetings to Chinese lessons (lol) to morning assemblies to seeing people in the canteen and saying hi (lol) to going to the Cat High table in the morning to talk cock to having OGL stuff to having to chiong homework with people to floorball trainings to.... oh well, EVERYTHING!! 2 years, it felt like it was just yesterday that we just came in fresh from O's, having orientation, and now it's going to end. SIAN! Hope I don't cry tomorrow lol..

For all that it has ever been for all this time, please don't let this be our last goodbye ):

Hearts Burst Into Fire -- Bullet For My Valentine

I'm coming home
I've been gone for far too long
Do you remember me at all?

I'm leaving
Have I fucked things up again?
I'm dreaming
Too much time we'd have to spend

It hurts, wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away

When I see your face
My hearts burst into fire
Hearts burst into fire

You're not alone
I know I'm far from home
Do you remember me at all?

I'm leaving
Do you wait for me again?
I'm screaming
No more days we'd have to spend

It hurts, wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away

When I see your face
My hearts burst into fire
Hearts burst into fire

My beds become so lonely
No arms or sheets to hold me
Has this world stopped turning?
I'll wait forever to be apart, forever to be apart

It hurts, wounds so sore
Now I'm torn, now I'm torn
I've been far away

When I see you face
My hearts burst into fire
Hearts burst into fire

I'm coming home
I've been gone for far too long
Do you remember me at all?
Do you remember me at all?

I'm leaving
I'm screaming
I'm dreaming
My hearts burst into fire

And everything I have in this world and all that I'll ever be. It could all fall down around me, just as long as I have you right here by me

2010-10-13T23:46:00.003+08:00

Okay, haven't exactly recovered yet. At least it's better than last night.. Went to school only for the science lectures. Mr Wong's last lecture in NJ, cause he's leaving. Chem went through planning. Didn't go for Math mock, luckily I didn't. Had a very bad headache in the afternoon and went to sleep lol. Now I can't think properly, having a hard time doing math zzz..

I think I'm quite the sentimental type, like anything I've gone through with a siginificant enough impact I'll really miss it when it comes to the end. I don't really know if that's a good thing or not. On one hand, it's good that I've been able to connect with whatever I've gone through in that certain phase. Conversely, it just shows a sense of being unable to let go and move on, sticky as critics might say. As we go down to the last few days in NJ, with our graduation in a mere 2 days, I've been reminiscing a lot about things for the past few weeks I think. A lot of things came flooding back to me, not just the things in NJ, more ironically it was other times in the past too. For NJ wise, quite a number I spoke to all give the response going along the lines of 'I can't wait to get out of NJ'. Well each to his own I guess. Not sure if this kind of sentimental feeling stuff shows like well a bit of weakness in a way. I think I'm the type who can tear easily when something emotionally moving comes my way. Come Friday, I might just end up crying again... Hope not, later everyone's impression of me will change lol.. Maybe Friday will be a more appropriate time to do a reflection for these 2 years. Meanwhile, I seem to be resminiscing other things. I miss the days in green and white, I miss the days in blue. Funnily enough, I kind of miss doing drills, which kinda made my CI-ship a little boring lol. I loved parades and drill in Secondary school. Most people would call me retarded and obsessed for this. Heard it a lot of times. I never really fully understood the meaning of a rank-donning ceremony too. In D'08 I didn't really think much about it I guess, but looking back it was probably one of the best feelings to pass out of a course like that. I miss the day 29th did our last parade together in a squad. End of the year hopefully can get the video from Leonard (:

Yep I'm pretty weird to be thinking of all this. I think this time I might be impacted more due the the looming period of serving the nation. It's a full time commitment. I don't really have anyone close whom I know who has gone through NS and to uni and stuff to tell me how the path might possible be like. I can only guess. As for now, I can't seem to see anything beyond NS lol. With this, I also have to acknowledge that it will be a sad fact that I might not see most of my friends in NJ ever again after this, or at least for a very long time. I won't be able to reconnect as much with my juniors anymore either. I don't really know how people might see me as. I now that many of the friends I've made mean a lot to me. With all this, this farewell might be more impactful than the one two years ago. In that sense, I'm really going to dread Friday ):

About some things that I thought about and shared with Leon during our gathering last weekend, I guess I'm pretty neutral, don't really want to decide about anything, if there is anything to even decide about. Won't bother to think about anything, for this period at least. Screw this pentavalent transition state.. Okay I should sleep soon. Have econs make up tuition tomorrow too lol. The very last day of lessons ): By the way, Mei please cheer up!

I found this pretty meaningful, many would recognise it as the lyrics from "Never Had A Dream Come True" by S Club 7. It has many interpretations and it probably has various meanings to each of us. What's yours?

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind, one regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time. There's no use looking back or wondering, how it could be now or might have been. And I know no matter where life takes me to, a part of me will always be with you

Discovered this band pretty recently, for those songs I like, it's the kind of style that I'm quite comfortable with. Soothing and melodious. I like this song a lot

Here By Me -- 3 Doors Down

I hope you're doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can't take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong

I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you're not here

I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
Everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping. The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading. Would she hear me, if I called her name?

2010-10-12T16:43:00.006+08:00

Okay, finally have time to update this place. The past 2 weeks or so have been quite siao, during the two recent weekends got piled with a hell lot of work to do. Absolutely no time to complete everything. Nothing really interesting happened I guess, save for the staying back to study every day and stuff. Can't really remember. Damn tired -.- Last weekend had dinner with the gang at Secret Recipe at Plaza Sing. Had a good walk around the area and stuff as well. The weekend before that went to Pizza Hut with Eugene and Jon, we tried the 7 cheese pizza thingy lol. No idea if there were any other things. Oh met Manfred in CHS then he told me the actual story or what had actually happened about some stuff. The whole thing is just damn screwed up. Visited CHS again about 2 weeks ago cause I wanted to apply for Eagles and stuff, had a good chat with some of my teachers there (: Best part about CH, maybe it's cause I'm an ex-student already or something, but the teachers are always willing to talk and be on a certain level of friendliness with you, most of the time lol. I guess that's something I didn't really get to experience here. Had a mad rush last week trying to settle testimonial and CCA records stuff. I guess that's what contributed to all the crap last week, everything just comes in one shot -.-Yesterday had a GP mock compre test, with the going through of the answers as well. Screwed up like siao, like mega fail kind. Totally brain dead by the time we ended, which was like 6:45pm or so.. Had dinner with Wei Jian and Jaron at Coro, had fun talking cock all the way lol

Came home earlier than usual today, wasn't feeling well so yeah. I think I feel a fever coming already zzz.. A sore throat is usually the symptom of it. Might be the reason why I'm so stoned these few days. Have been sleeping late for quite some time (people are going to nag at me for this again lol) Anyway, the last one and a half week wasn't really the best of times. Thank you so much Dylan for the make-shift note and stuff. Really really appreciate it (: Thank you Garry for the random convo last week as well. Thanks Mei for the usual random talking and stuff lol. My teachers in CHS also gave me their spiritual support as well. See what stuff we can do. Got flooded with quite a number of things in my mind as well. Another time I guess

Okay shall go take a nap soon. My studying plan for today got screwed up zzz. Ah well, like Jaron said, better to try and recover by tonight then work again tomorrow. Though there is a Math mock paper tomorrow zzz

Have been discovering a lot of awesome songs over the past few weeks. Attracted by both the tune and also the meanings behind the lyrics, good connection with both. Like quoting random phrases out nowadays, combining some make them have cooler phrasings and meanings lol

One of the songs I got introduced to. I have no idea what's the meaning of the music video lol. Cool intro tune, a bit screamo but manageable for me, not a bad song lol. Can get your heart racing to help wake up haha

Tears Don't Fall -- Bullet For My Valentine

Let's go!

With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

The moments died, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time

Let's go!

Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me (Tears don't fall)
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home (Conscious calls)

2010-10-05T22:56:00.004+08:00

Damn sian, damn stressed, damn tired, damn qi, damn scared, damn everything. Screw ths pressure, screw everything. Hell lot of work, hell lot of who knows wha rubbish to do. So little time. Wake up everyday feeling like crap. Need more time, need more intellect, need more sleep. Cracking under this immense load. Can go form multiple organice products already..

KNN LAH FK ALL THIS SHIT

I would fall asleep, only in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like it was before, yet these nights disappear as reality crashes to the floor

2010-09-28T23:57:00.007+08:00

Okay, I guess the most significant things for these two days was the viewing of some scripts for most people. For Math, got a C overall, in the end my Paper 1 did better than my Paper 2 -.- Physics got a C too. Chemistry got a D. Well, in general for these 3 subjects I'm glad that there has been an improvement from my pathetic CT scores of SUU respectively. Yeah I'm glad, at the very least there's progress? I know that I still can push my scores to higher levels, seeing that I failed my paper 3 for Chem zz.. Shall work hard! Likely to get GP tomorrow, maybe even Econs perhaps? Quite nervous for these 2 subjects as they are the ones as JP described as "the subjects with the most unpredictable scores". Let's see what we can get out of it I guess? Whatever the case, improvements so far, seek continuous improvement, quote Mrs Chiew. Quite annoyed cause I failed today's mcq test though, that's what you get for not studying zzz...

On the other hand, getting back results definitely isn't all smiles and laughter, especially for an exam like this. Saw a few of my friends getting really really demoralised and depressed cause of the results they got. It wasn't just some of the class guys I usually hang out with, applied to the girls as well. I guess it will be kind of weird for me to walk up to them and say stuff, since for one I don't really talk to them much unfortunately. Whatever the case, though I highly doubt anyone this applies to would read this, we just have to push on. I still remember facing something really similar for CTs, and yeah something struck me just now after the call from Eugene Sim about some stuff he was upset over. When we are not in the situation itself, it's definitely much easier to give advice and comments to help boost the person's morale and stuff, I'm sure most of us have gone through that. Yet when we are actually in the situation itself, a lot of things become different. It becomes so much harder to see what we would have told others going through the exact same thing. As superficial as it might seem, in the sense that our words only help on the surface, I think words of encouragement still do help a lot. This is probably cause the most powerful thing that can keep us from doing anything or doing anything or thinking in any way is simply by being convinced by ourselves. When we hear what people say, we think about what they might have said and evaluate it for ourselves how sensible it sounds, and from there we might be inclined to think in another way.

Quite a bit of things there, no idea if it makes sense. Whatever the case, I think this might help for all of us who haven't done say very well. Yeah you might say that I'm not really one to talk in this case, but now what we have to do is to find our resolve and pump in our all into working for this last stretch. A learning experience is what this is. This might have been another obstacle that trampled on our dreams and stuff, but what can we do about it now? Let's not be brought down to ground zero and dwell there, we simply have to be strong and push on. We're all in this together, we'll make it through somehow. Don't give up the fight!

Side note, had some fire drill exercise. Probably the most interesting thing that happened today I think. And well for some other things, it wasn't exactly out of the norm I guess, but I kind of can't help but feel disappointed for some reason.. Maybe my gut feeling was right? In that case, I might have to finally acknowledge that things have changed.. I've done it for a few weeks, will it make a difference if I continue then?

This is a really awesome band. Soothing tunes and really meaningful lyrics for their songs. Have a few of their songs in my favourites. This is one I discovered quite recently

Blind -- Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

My life has been a poor attempt, to imitate the man. Oh I'm just a living legacy, to the leader of the band

2010-09-27T00:55:00.003+08:00

Okay Friday was so so. Got back our Chem MCQ papers during lesson. Got 25/40, not fantastic, but it's quite a big achievement for me. Mrs Chiew suanned me until damn funny. She saw my score than she was like 'Wah Bryan Tan you got 25/40! That's a very good score for you! Above class average somemore!' LOL. Got quite a few careless mistakes and a few tyco questions. Nonetheless, it's an improvement! Hopefully my paper 3 won't die so badly then I can scrape a C or something. Lectures were well okay. Couldn't do the Physics questions -.- The break was spent on Monopoly Deal LOL! Did work in the afternoon. Stayed back till like 10 plus with Zikai, haven't talked to that joker for damn long. Jackson and Garry must study hor! Talk so much lol. Saturday, had Chem tuition. Jon kept indirectly suanning me -_- Met Emily, Jing Han, Song Ko and Monica at Everything With Fries at Orchard Central. In the end only Emily and Jing Han were left. Our Honey outing fail haha. Played Monopoly Deal there for a few hours. After that met the guys for dinner. Decided to go to Seoul Garden in the end. Greg, Eugene, Boon Siang, Jon, Leon and Wai Yinn. Had fun cooking and Eugene got jacked again by the drink trick xD Last time also tio at Sakura, poor guy lol. Played a bit of Lan after that. And I think our cooking skills damn fail man, had a really bad stomache at night -.-

Today, kena scammed cause I was told that tuition was at 11am initially but last minute I was told it was at 7pm, when I already reached Bishan -.- Went to Mos at J8 to do some work cause the library was freaking crowded zzz.. Went for lunch with family and Robert, Matthew, Auntie Betty and Uncle Kim at this chicken rice place in Toa Payoh, they were on vacation visiting (: Awesome lunch and dessert. Then went to look at our house that's under renovation. It looks more complete now, can make out how it's going to be like once we move back. Something else to look forward to after A's I guess (: Came home and burned out for some reason, woke up for tuition with a headache -.- Tuition lasted 2.5 hours, a lot of work to do for physics man. Had dinner with Jacob then home.

Damn, wasn't a very productive weekend for me. Shall make the coming week more effective! Though I realise some problems. One I'm always tired (Reason might be quite obvious I think), my brain seems to stall and lag quite a bit and I take some time to register things (Might be linked), and I think my vision's getting worse :/ Sucks. Hopefully it's temporary only. Hope my sleep can be restful in the first place -.- Shouldn't keep dreaming about things related to studies, or stuff that gives me nightmares -.-

I think there's a lot of things I can learn from my Dad. Some stuff happened last week I think when my dad was having a conversation with my neighbour about some of the construction stuff. Background knowledge, I'm not on good terms with those people. Long story. Whatever the case, my dad actually got quite pissed over the phone, which is a very rare thing indeed. In short, I guess there's a lot to learn from him, in terms of character, intellect, situational awareness and handling. And of course, how he really cares for my mum and stuff. Like most couples, they had their rough periods too, back then when I was much younger. Definitely traumatising as a kid. Whatever the case, they've never been better with each other. I guess we all know that caring for the people you love involves willing sacrifices in some ways, even the simplest ones are worth it right? I believe that there's much more about my dad that I've yet to discover. Okay touching a bit on my family stuff. Hope I can be like him one day

On one note, I'm starting to discover a lot of new songs and stuff. Bullet For My Valentine and Lostprophets seem quite good. Starting to like some of their songs. Shall listen to more of them. Need recommendation for bands or singers! And it's pretty interesting how you can combine certain lyrics to find different meanings. Yeah they're just words I know, but it just seems to interesting for some things. It's pretty interesting to express your feelings and thoughts through lyrics too, cause they're probably the best expressions for that current situation too

This song is probably appropriate for stuff mentioned earlier. First heard it in Sec 1 during 'Literary Expressions' class lol. FYI it's supposedly Lit combined with English. Wonderful song (:

Leader Of The Band -- Dan Fogelberg

An only child, alone and wild
A cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none

He left his home and went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know
I never can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn't wait

He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growin' old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Oh, I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul

And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the roadI
thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
I thank you for your kindness
And the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said"I love you" near enough

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growin' old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Oh, I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band

I am a living legacy
To the leader of the band

2010-09-24T00:43:00.003+08:00

Okay, Sunday we went to Jian Zhong's house to study, Monday last paper(s). Paper 1 was damn tough :/ Thought I did okay for planning until I found out I did something wrong with the procedure... Careless mistakes too here and there -.- Freak.. Went to play Lan and pool with class people. Tuesday went for dental, then after that, in short wasted my time walking around waiting for some people who supposedly were watching a movie but ended up playing dota at home -.- Bought 3 shirts from Hang Ten though. Didn't buy shoes as my mum told me to cause all the nice ones were like 100 plus dollars ._. Came home and went for a swim. Burned out and slept for quite a bit. Shows how unfit I am man :/ Wednesday went to Chin's house there to play basketball, then went to You'en's house to slack a bit. Tried his electronic drum set. Not bad, can play a bit of stuff for my first time haha. Dinner at Novena with Joshua and Shian who ended their H3 exams. So 6 people, Shian, Lionel, Joshua, You'en, Chin (does this count as 6 people extra people? Haha) and myself. Expensive chicken rice haha, but not bad the quality! Went to the kopitiam at Velocity and we stoned there after our ice kachang talking cock. Damn funny hahaha. Great company (:

Went to run a bit just now before bathing and studying in school. Only managed to run 5 rounds cause of the lightning alert -.- Did math but knocked out halfway -.- Damn unfit now man D: Okay damn cui now, guess I'll do more of what I wanted to crap about another day. And I think I'm going nuts already. Didn't know how to do the first question of last year's A level Math paper so asked Shian, ended up dreaming about it last night -.- At the library when I knocked out I also ended up dreamin about proving the left and right sides on an equation to be homogenous -.- Siao liao

Such close proximity, yet so far in spirit ):

Reaching, searching for something untouched. Rain in your heart, the tears of snow white sorrow. Seek the hiding amaranth, in a land of daybreak

2010-09-19T00:07:00.005+08:00

Nuts, feeling damn stoned for some reason today ._. Guess I'm a little bit tired or something. On the bright side, at least the weird reaction in my stomach seems to be disappearing slowly. Progress man. More Physics tomorrow

Music rocks my life man lol. Hope I can learn the drums or guitar next time! Heard this from Shian's MP3, don't really understand the song yet but the tune is quite nice

Amaranth -- Nightwish

Baptized with a perfect name
The doubting one by heart
Alone without himself
War between him and the day
Need someone to blame
In the end, little he can do alone

You believe but what you see
You receive but what you give
Caress the one, the Never Fading
Rain in your heart, the tears of snow white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Apart from the wandering pack
In this brief flight of time we reach
For the ones, whoever dare
You believe but what you see
You receive but what you give

Caress the one, the Never Fading
Rain in your heart, the tears of snow white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Caress the one, the Never Fading
Rain in your heart, the tears of snow white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Reaching, searching for something untouched
Hearing voices of the Never Fading calling

Caress the one, the Never Fading
Rain in your heart, the tears of snow white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Caress the one, the Never Fading
Rain in your heart, the tears of snow white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

So close no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trust in who we are, no nothing else matters

2010-09-17T23:40:00.001+08:00

Okay, mentally drained from today. Math was well, better than paper 1, but I still screwed up zzz... Chem was erm well. Paper 2 was not too bad I think? Except I screwed up my planning big time. Paper 1 was damn crap, no time to finish the paper -.- Sian diao.. After Chem went to Bukit Timah Plaza to eat KFC with the rest of the class people + Chin and Shian. Played pool then came home. Left Physics now..

Had some random memories popping up here and there in these two days. Random thoughts on how things could have been, would have been, might have been, if I had chose different paths. Would I be here what I am? Would I have what I have? Would I still have lost what I lost? Would I have learnt what I learnt from these life lessons? Yeah I know nothing can be changed and we should just move on, but well just thoughts to ponder a bit. I don't really know how else to put this, in any indirect way whatsoever. Just would like to say that I do miss you quite a bit, with this absence, though I know by right I shouldn't be thinking about it, and I know it wouldn't be a mutual thought. Oh well, maybe I'll remove this part soon. Just needed to get it off my head for now.

Got introduced to Metallica a few days ago by Shian. Slowly discovering their songs, though some aren't really my style I think, so far from what I know lol. This one is quite soothing. Tune is quite nice also

Nothing Else Matters -- Metallica

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know (yeah!)

We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find. But, you can't win this fight!

2010-09-15T20:19:00.000+08:00

Screw the reactions in my stomach really. Since last Saturday it's been like that -.- On another note, today was not too bad for me, other than the fact that I didn't have enough time to write a complete enough answer for some stuff, thought it was okay. Should be able to do better than what I got for case study during CTs -.- Let's see what else we can do yeah?

Somewhat got a little inspiration from this. No I won't let them win this fight, not so easily at least

Welcome To The Family -- Avenged Sevenfold

Hey kid, do I have your attention?
I know the way you've been livin'
Life's so wreckless, tragedy endless
Welcome to the family

Hey! There's something missing
Only time will alter your vision
Never in question, lethal injection
Welcome to the family

Not long ago you found the answers were so crystal clear
Within a day you find yourself living in constant fear
Can you look at yourself now?
Can you look at yourself?
You can't win this fight!

And in a way it seems there's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But, you can't win this fight!

Hey, I have to question
What's with the violent aggression?
Details blurry, lost him too early
Welcome to the family

Hey, why won't you listen?
Can't help the people you're missing
It's been done, a casualty re-run
Welcome to the family

I try and help you with the
Things that can't be justified
I need to warn you that
There is no way to rationalize
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
You can't win this fight!

And in a way it seems there's no-one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But, you can't win this fight!

Gunning for you
And all mankind
I've lost my mind
Psychotic, rabid dementia
I won't be fine

I see you're a king who's been dethroned
Cast out, in a world you'll never know
Stand there, place your weapons by your side
It's our war, in the end we'll surely lose
But that's all right
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?

And, in a way it seems there's no-one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But, you can't win this fight!

Deep inside, where nothing's fine
I've lost my mind, you're not invited
So step aside, I lost my
Deep inside, where nothing's fine, I've lost my mind
You're not invited, so step aside
I lost my..

2010-09-13T22:50:00.003+08:00

I guess like they say, miracles only happen once. And that miracle already happened 2 years ago. Right now, the true limits to my abilities are showing very clearly. And I can't seem to go to higher levels no matter how much I try. I freaked out, I couldn't think fast enough. I couldn't think well enough. I'm a disappointment and a failure. I'm sorry that that is all I seem to be capable of. My entire JC life seems to be an utter failure up to this stage. Everything single thing has gone wrong. Effort just doesn't seem to be proportional to results

It's already at this stage and all I'm getting is getting thrown back to ground zero again. Would they not stop till they see me actually break into many pieces? I'm not ready, but time isn't a luxury. I would exchange anything just to get the mental capabilities I had 2 years ago. Cause I really have nothing left, not even confidence. I've lost it all

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time, so please stay for a while. A melody, a memory, or just one picture

2010-09-11T02:15:00.005+08:00

Wei Shian, Jian Zhong, Joshua and Lionel came over to study today. We went to the reading room downstairs to do work. Did Chem for like the whole day. Took damn long for one paper -.- Went to somewhere at Queenstown there to have lunch, from Jian Zhong's suggestion. The food there not bad. There was this fishball soup that was damn nice that we went to request for more soup lol. Jaron joined us in the afternoon. Quite productive in a certain sense, though could have done more once again lol. Played a bit of squash and table tennis before we went for dinner at Adam food centre. Had a lot of epic moments today with JZ as one of the main jokers haha. Then we re-enacted this damn funny youtube vid about msn convos, damn retarded. Awesome studying company (: Like I told Jaron, I think our two classes are probably the only ones in the level who have such a cool mixture and collaboration haha

My mind's blank, filled up with nothing but all the stuff I've been supposedly learning -.- Sian no time to chiong everything man.. Having a hard time balancing Chem and Math together.. Let's see what we can do yeah

Somewhere in the back of that complex being. It's there, the memories, the distant past. Pictures and some memories, will have to help me through, oh yeah. Maybe if moving has taken place, I should too. Who knows, who else cares? Not now, but an everlasting battle in this timeframe. Never in question, cause it's out of the norm. Convention doesn't follow, unless we're very much mistaken

Plan for tomorrow. Meet Jon at library, tuition then go somewhere chiong till at least 9pm. Let's go. Chiong ah!!! Take care on your trip please. And to Kenneth, remember to help me ask about the thing I asked! Thanks loads!! (:

Posted this song before, decided to post it again, the live version this time. Inspired by just now's blasting of music lol. Forgot what I wanted to post also lol. One of my ever favourite songs, melody wise and lyrically (:

Seize The Day (Live in LBC) -- Avenged Sevenfold

Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

I see my vision burn
I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on
Will undergo our same lost past

I found you here
Now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life
But will it be forever?

I'd do anything for a smile
Holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come
But I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn
I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
A melody, a memory
Or just one picture

Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us
Changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here
So where do we go?

Will you take a journey tonight
Follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if
There is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn
I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
A melody, a memory
Or just one picture

Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don't wanna die alone
Without you here, please tell me
What we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah
Or kiss your lips again?
So I never want to leave you
And the memories of us to see
I beg don't leave me

Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don't wanna die alone
Without you here, please tell me
What we have is real

Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day
Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day
I'm stuck here alone (Silence, you lost me)
Falling away from you no chance to get back home (No chance for one more day)
I'm stuck here alone (Silence, you lost me)
Falling away from you no chance to get back home (No chance for one more day)

Now I'm left with nothing, but there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life. I'll figure it out, when all is said and done

2010-09-09T23:18:00.006+08:00

Alright, shall update again. Yesterday wasn't a really productive day for me :/ Woke up late cause of the weather. Damn nice to sleep in man haha. Went to print stuff then went to school. Kept burning out and sleeping -.- Freaking unproductive man zzzz... Decided to come home early. Bumped into Chin, Shian, Lionel, Joshua and JZ at Serene Centre Macs. Slept late (again) cause I tried to do some Chem mcq for tuition. This morning's tuition went through that paper. Freaking failed it lah 10/40... Damn hard paper.. Freaking demoralising. Had lunch with Jon then went to school again. Not too bad managed to quite a bit of work. But I believe I can be better than that. Hari Raya Puasa tomorrow, Chin, Shian and gang coming over to do work I think. Better be as productive as possible lol.. Had dinner at Astons at Sixth Avenue with KB, Yong Le, Jun Wee, Eugene, Jason, Jing Han and E Yang. Damn fun time laughing and talking cock there lol.

I had a freaky and weird dream two nights ago. It was kinda out of this world o.o Woke up feeling a little freaked out, since people I know in real life were kinda involved in it.. And I don't know why even Facebook seems to be making fun of me. Must you really add salt? Conincidence as much as it may be, but it happened more than once -.- Not that it was totally a bad thing in a sense, gave me a reminder at least.. Wish there was more I could say about this

So the question is, as always, the question. Stuck in limbo in question. For the mind isn't a book, it can't simply just be read like that. It's more than that. It's a complex being, as with the beings it's associated with. A simple item can be complicated once it is processed, so who's to be accountable? The scenario? Or the mind? Add in the heart, what do you get? A jumbled emotional cocktail. That's what makes us human

Oh yeah, Happy Belated Birthday to my chatting buddy Milissa! One year plus liao still always chatting random stuff haha. Okay freaking tired, I shall turn in earlier tonight I guess. I miss Mum already ):

So grant me this chance, this chance to perform that same miracle again. Will I be able to pull it off again? I'll work, and work. Live, laugh, love. Bring it all down. Let the beat lead and drive you

Two is Better Than One -- Boys Like Girls

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

There's nothing I can say, there's nothing I can do, it's a total eclipse of the heart

2010-09-07T23:49:00.001+08:00

Okay I shall make some effort to update this place. Last week's papers. Hmm, well compo for GP was okay I guess, all 3 of us (You'en, Khai and I) in the same GP group for Miss Kaur's class did the same question lol. Compre was kinda screwed up, AQ die liao... Physics paper 3, screwed up quite a bit, then panicked when I had too little time left for my last question, so rushed through a lot of stuff :/ Econs was erm well, spammed whatever seemed to come to my head. The contents of my essay don't seem as elaborate or as much as the others in terms of volume.. Mind was screwed so abandoned the initial plan to study straight away and went to KAP with 25 and 27 guys. Lunched there then we went to play pool at Bukit Timah Plaza. Studying later plan was also abandoned by Jaron and I lol. Came home then went to J8 to meet the gang for dinner. Eugene suay suay screwed up some stuff in camp then end up tio guard duty -.- So our laxing dinner became a bit rushed. Nonetheless, quite fun, with Leon and Wai Yinn being around too this time. Had Sakae Sushi! Had random desserts and stuff then Eugene had to go off. We bumped into Greg then played a bit of Lan in Amk lol. Fun evening.

Saturday and Sunday weren't exactly productive :/ Saturday's tuition was a topical revision lesson which I sort of already knew, since the lesson was supposed to be the week before and screwed up my personal revision schedule -.- Had a hard time looking for a place to study, Jon and I ended up going to Dome at Bishan CC to do work before Chem -.- Have to start looking for places to study every weekend already man zzz... Sunday had Physics tuition again as some extra lesson. After that went to buy a few things from J8. Got new bag as well! My old sling bag from my squadmates is kinda cui now. It's still kept though (: And I like my new bag too! Zinc one, kinda like some crumpler like that haha, nice!

Monday was pretty screwed up, cause Eugene and I had double econs tuition lessons, one at 12:30pm and one at 6:30pm. Had lunch with Soon Kiang, talked a lot of random stuff from floorball to army haha. Nice meeting him again (: Brain dead by the end of the second lesson.. Didn't absorb everything -.- Today had consultation with Mr Tan for Math, then chionged Math the whole day in school with the usual gang. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUGENE!!! FLOORBALL AFTER A'S MAN!! We were making some joke during lunch that we could have called all the juniors and start some random match with those whom we saw in school today lol

Freaking tired everyday. This giant psychological barrier is hindering me. It's one of fear. Cause once I screw up for this, I'm a goner. Just how much more mental strain can I take? I hope not to repeat what happened like the other times :/

Discovered this song a few days ago, it's pretty old. Listened to it for quite a bit. Good stuff from the past

Total Eclipse of the Heart -- Bonnie Tyler

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely
and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of
listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit
terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time there was light in my life,
Now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together

We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart